bagua's Blog

So I picked up Tony Robbins Awaken the giant within again.

It is massive, but oh so motivating.
Gotten underway with several issues that I've stalled on earlier due to the motivational boost.

It seems to me that you need to balance all sorts of issues to get anywhere.
On one side you have the triangle of health, wealth and relationships that needs to function.
(Not from Robbins btw)

However if you don't have motivation you get behind on all sorts of stuff and before you know it
you are miserable, being pulled down by lead weights of your own inertia.

Right now I've weeding out unassertivness and approval seeking behaviour.
Lucky me have got a hot new female flatmate to observe my behaviour towards in detail.
It is very revealing and I notice some things in particular.
I have this urge to impress, and an urge to be extra nice for no good reason.
I also want to interact with her given half a chance, like she is going anywhere and I need to camp
in her room to get max exposure...

So I'm stomping those urges out and so far she has showed me VERY good behaviour.
I'm used to hot girls being a bit bitchy and demanding of me, but it seems that I don't give out the
chode ready to be used signals anymore or at least not as strongly.

On a related note I've noticed that females are positioning themself in front of me in a very obvious way when
I've just waiting for the subway etc.
I think my bodylanguage is like drawing them in or something.
A hot girl even initated convo with me at the subway when I was reading a book.
I was shooked... it is not that usual in Norway to talk on the subway to strangers!!!

I've worked hard to get to this point so I sure deserve the fruits of my labour that is finally starting to arrive.
Thinking back on the little nerd I was at 16 that looked up to chodes that actually talked to girls
it is unreal to think that was me back there freaking out if addressed by a girl.
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I have just gotten the idea of using a microphone and a screencast tool to record my voice and
hear what others hear when I speak.

I hear alot of potential for improvement, but at least I know what voice challenges I face now.
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I've started to find ways to move past things like the resent days attacks.

This is what I came up with:

I could have built bombs and slain innocent people,
but instead I choose to do (whatever activity).

This helps me put my own actions in context, to see that I'm not a bad guy even though
I'm not acting as super nice as I used to.
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The ground shakes...
Black smoke rises.
People slain in rally...

I was starting to belive I was living in paradise, but now this.

This has proved to be a major mental distraction for me the last couple of days.
It has interfered with many other things including this.

When this is over we will never feel quite as safe again in the streets of Oslo...
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To love!


To be loved!

That is the two fundamental choices.

According to Jacques Lacan anyway...

Eighter you are the chode who loves or the player who is loved.

To be chode is to express your need for love, projecting all your ideals and fantasies onto the other person.

To be the beloved is to let the other person project their ideals and fantasies onto you,
to let them belive whatever they want to belive about you.
To be painted in rosy colors and given unrealistic attributes and strengths.

We all do it to some degree, but some more than others.
The ones who don't, live in caves in the mountains and are called hermits.

The more you let another talk to or think about you the more they will project onto you.
The more you talk to or think about someone the more you will project onto them.
It is inevitable!

Something I picked up of a seminar I attended a while ago by a psychologist.
Found it really helpful!
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I have a lot of extra resources and energy at this moment in time in my life.
I've started to think about what is the underlying theme of this area when you boil it down.

For me I came from this frame.

I've later realized that this frame is out there too.
Really hard for me to get, even now...

When I listen to the first I think about how I was raised to beliveing in love as this pure beautiful thing.
The second acts as a wake up call telling me that most chicks eat guys with that attitude for breakfast.

In the end I have to attest to still longing for that cozy illusion propagated by that first video.
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Sometimes you remember to assert yourself other times not.

However when you assert yourself in situations that you before felt ended badly for you,
and you never knew how to respond in them before, that is pure bliss!

I see that many people start to respect me more.
I've gotten invited to private gatherings with "high society" people. (Whatever that means)
It is kinda unreal...

In essence I can see myself getting into a new and better part of my life now.

For sure there is room for improvement.
I'm not at all socially saavy enough to do what Tyler,Alex, Jeffy etc do by a long shot.

But I'm not trying to be them,.
I'm me and I'm happy with the progress I'm making in my life. =D
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Assertion is going better and I feel more in control in many areas.

I even got a raise because of it! =D
"I don't understand" can be such a powerful frase at the right time.

One thing I feel is key to the whole assertion thing is to convince oneself that this is JUST A CONVERSATION!!!
Hence no need for adrenaline and other chemicals to make you go into fight or flight mode.
No chemicals = no anger, fear etc about the disagreement being discussed.

Still... being unasertive is a persistent habit in many areas and I need to be very focused to weed it out.
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I've been thinking a lot about assertion, I will keep posting on my learnings in this area for a while.

It is all about me being the ultimate judge of myself and only what I think matters

I have gotten into a couple of situations that often had me troubled and scrambling to get my way.
These went much better now.

One was an offer of splitting the bill with a friend where he wanted me to do it in a weird way for me.
I declined and told him I wanted to do it 50-50 fair and square without fuzz or feeling bad about
rejecting his idea.

Today I was asked for the XXX time why I don't have a drivers licence.
I usually throw out reasons and justifications all over the place in a scramble to make right me not having it.

Here is how it kinda went:
Person: Why you don't have a drivers licence?
Me: It hasn't been right for me to get it.
Person: But why?
Me: No reason it just doesn't suit me.
Person: But why doesn't it suit you?
Me: I don't know, no particular reason.
Person: (Gives up and changes topic.)

I have always hated convos like that.
It is like I'm left empty and powerless afterwards.
But not anymore!
Now I felt so much more in control.
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Recently I have made several breakthrougs in my life in the social sphere.

One I've gotten to connect with some cool guys that I can relate with and relate with me back.
Thanks to temperament theory it is much easier to see for me if I can relate to a person or not.
Saves me a lot of time and grief trying to interview people to figure out if "we have something in common".

I've also learned to screen girls on their temperament, it makes me non needy toward 80%
of the female population by default since they are not what I'm looking for in terms of relationship material.
So eighter we fuck or it's NEXT when it comes to 80% of them!
I don't care, they are a dime a dozen those droning "sensationseekers".

And it shows! Girls act so much more interested now.
The ones I do want get intrigued by the fact that I'm so picky,
the ones I don't can't figure out why I don't want them and try desperatly to get into my favor.

Another thing that I have worked hard on is my assertiveness.
I found this book called "When I say No I feel guilty."

So some puzzle pieces are in place and things are generally going my way.
Now I need to sit down and schedule some practice time on the things I want to get.
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