bagua's Blog

I was added by the Romanian girl on face.
Previously I've never managed to really have access to a girl I like online and not freak
out over the possibilty to be able to communicate 24/7 and usually ended up sending
some lame chody message that basically screamed insecurity.

Now I'm doing much better and interact very good with her.
It is all about not feeling you have anything to hide.
I made sure she knows I like her, but I didn't do so in a weak way.
I mixed it in between the lines in a convo about a book she recommended me.
I subtly accussed her of having too distracting pics of herself online screwing up
my focus on the theme of the book.
She has like really nice bikini pics on face that you would think was from some model photoshoot, but you realise is just her being a bit creative with a camera plus being damn hot.

So she is off to London on some trip until sunday, but when she told me that she also
told me in the same sentence, but we can catch up on monday on such and such venue. =D
Lol she wants to meet again...
It is like this unreal dream sometimes.

Tonight I will go out with my new flatmates here in Valencia and some people they know.
Could be cool.

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I actually connected with like this superhot/cool/smart girl....
She offered me her contact info and hugged me with this close body hug,
when she had to leave.

I didn't use the you scare me thing, but coming from that frame
and accepting that she intimidated me, it just passed away and I could act naturally.

All the guys where like totally focused on her and shit.
Hanging on her every meaningless word and leaning in with a puppy dog attitude.
I was more reserved and only really listened when she had something interesting to say.
And she did have interesting things to say too. And the fun thing was that the topics
I found interesting she also found interesting, and none of the four guys surrunding her could relate. It got real awkvard for them to hang on her every word when they couldn't relate at all.
Like everybody just got the message big time that everyone but me, was being ungenuine and sucking up to her at that moment.
A lot of the time I just chatted with other people and tried to keep a nice funny and relaxed vibe.

It was really funny when this entrepenour guy tried making me self concious when I was a little quiet for a moment. "Hey are you okay?" Like trying to get me out of a confident frame.
Trying to lure out any insecurity.
I answered: "Are you kidding? I'm in paradise!" And I started a convo about extroverts and introverts. Stating that I was an introvert and claiming that he and she was extroverts.
They denied it and tried to qualify why they where not. Funny shit.
Funny shit since they both was Jungian extroverts, although I didn't tell them that.
Too deep shit for such a convo. He was ENTP and she is ESFP.
Matches good with my ISFP type.
Like every time he tried to be all cool I could just talk about sensory stuff and he
would be put face to face with that she was his "daemon" manifested.
A concept borrowed from Jungian analyst John Beebe.
He had to reject it on some level and then reveal his incompatability with her.
While I could just agree with her frame, cause IT GENUINELY FELT RIGHT.
Oh well I feel real alright now.
Until later RSD! :)
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So a couple of weeks ago I ran into this Romanian girl. We hit it off quite okay, but for different reasons I didn't get to chat with her too much. Now this girl is hot... so hot that she makes me insecure. I'm going to go to an event I know she will be at tonight. And I figured that I would do a version of the you scare me strategy. Since it worked so well on the vibe between me and the german girl. Been reading a book that the German girl recommended to me. "The Etichal slut" quite a good read I must say. Helps a lot in getting over your insecurites about all thigns sexual. I think I will use it as a subject of discussion with women from now on. I'm reading this book about being polyamourous, what do you think about that? Blablabla... can't hurt to talk about the subject of sex and relationships. It gets them in the right frame of mind. =D Anyway I'm really looking forward to meeting her again. I'll attach a photo from a social site that we both are on and where I first found her.
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So I've laid Jung on the shelf for now as I've realized that I've gotten more or
less what I needed from him at this point in my life.
I've moving into the Enneagram and how it relates to Freud.

Now so why is it important to me to do this systems?
Well cause it deals with fear, shame and anger.
And these tie into basically everything we deal with when we try to
move forward in the world.

I've gotten to know a german girl who are into open relationships.
This might sound all fine and dandy, but that actually scared me.
The fear I felt from her very freethinking approach to life,
made me reconsider everything that I ever learned.
I felt myself backing off to and just passively observing.
Cause I didn't know who to deal with her.

This is very Enneagram 5 btw, trying to map out the whole thing in your head.
So I did the only sensible thing and told her that her open relationship approach
scared me. And a lot of the felt pressure evaported.
She was very understanding and recommended a book to me on the subject. XD
HAHA!!! Like that was all it took to get over it, just be honest and say it
as it was. No trying to trick or manipulate or somehow manouver.
Just say it as it was. I'm indepted to David X for that one.
You can't go wrong with the truth.

So we had a little chat about the Enneagram and how I was basically
observing her because I felt uncomfortable with her uncommon approach to life.
Found out that she was relating to shame in a 4ish way.
And now the vibe between us is much better, and she is right now cooking dinner for me... =D
New strategy, tell them that they scare you... Go figure! :p
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Who cares what they say?
Says David X. A real gem that one and so damn hard to follow.
Still every time I work on it I become less reactive and less conserned
about pleasing them. Now girls act nervous or very interested around me more.
I don't give less of a damn what they think and it shows.
Tried to walk in the street with my cap sideways, go the idea from a Ozzie vid.
I had major resistance to doing that.
I was surprised that I cared so much what angle my cap was.
So I had to work on myself a bit to actually do it.
Thinking about walking around with my t-shirt the wrong way too.
Like just deal with those fears and be done with it.

I realize that I have a lot of work ahead of me.
Luckily I've gotten a lot of work done already.
So that I'm in a good place to move further.

I see how many presentations on pickup kinda conflict.
As I see it Jungian types account for all the major disconnects.
And the rest can be attributed to different motivations.
David X, Tyler, Alex etc all have different ways of looking at this.
They're advice kinda conflict on some level, but when you look at it,
they are just approaching the same thing from different angles.
Dunno what I'm trying to say here, just a random observation I have.
What I'm saying is that I've got a meta frame to all this stuff I guess.
For what it is or isn't worth. :p
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So in my new world super hot girls are attracted to me just by showing up,
and guys get insecure and either attack me or avoid me.
I'm not doing much other than focus on my inner states basically.

I've been working alot on my basic attitude toward the women I interact with.
Like I want to have a loving attitude in general towards them.
I want to smile be happy and feel good around them.
Or else I see no fucking point in this whole "success" with women thing.
If sex was all there where to it I might as well earn a lot of money
and just buy hookers. Cause there you get everything except the connection.

And the connection is what one craves, hot girls connecting on a personal
level with you. Couple of days ago I had two Spanish girls litterally drooling
over me. I was engaged funny and a foreigner. All you need for sure.
Probably some other factors at play that I don't had attention on too.

I've met this new Swiss chick that is really interesting and had some good
connected moments with her. That is real important for me know.
And I don't mind if the logistics happen so it don't manifest towards
anything or not. As long as I'm interacting with that feminine energy,
without having the feminine energy make me desperate or depressed.

I've been thinking about it and to me this is sort of like healing inner wounds.
Wounds that have been aquired over many, many years.
They don't evaporate right away just because my odds with women has improved significally. But every good interaction with a woman makes it
slightly better. This month probably represent like 20% of all validating
experiences with women in my whole life so far. That makes a deep impression.

The whole idea that all women are one really paint meeting new women in
a new light. Now I'm much more chill and don't mind if any particular hottie,
makes her exit, a new one who is of the same "essence" will enter almost
immediately. It is like my "angel" was just out shopping.
Any women can be a manifestation of my angel, and then this becomes
just a continual romance, sort of. Makes me far less hesitant of being
emotionally open towards women, and they notice.

Now despite this new view, things are far from perfect.
I've noticed that I need to work on my skills in leading.
Also I let go of a lot of opportunities I could have gotten.
I need to work on becomming even more comfortable with being physical
with women I've just met, I've made some progress, but still I often hesitate.
Well that is all for now anyway.
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So I met the Estonian girl in the park.
Was more physical than usual, but I guessed I managed to screw it up
in convo. Managed to enter this too deep discussion about something,
and forgot that logic is the enemy. So it kind of tapered off and she left
after a little while. Now I learned a lot and can really see what I should have done.

I'm unsure how it will progress from here.
Probably better of finding another one, she is a student and only have time
in the weekend. I think she hoped I would have taken it farther than I did.
But hey this was the first time I ever did anything like this other than my
girlfriend. And then it is different cause you know for a fact that when you
return all the little touches will result in sex.

So I did what any reasonable guy who has ended up turned on,
but not gotten the girl like he hoped.
I went back to the hotel and found the porn.
I felt little guilt over it though, as Tyler said, enjoy your life no matter what.
You are going to do a lot of it so no need to make them bad experiences.
That will only make your life suck more.
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So Swiss girl has left, and two other swiss girls took her place in my room.
It is messing with my understanding of how stuff like this happen by having
girls come and go much more rapidly into my life than usual.
The vibe between me and the girls changes as some I'm more open with
and others I kinda close down around.
Depends on my mood alot.
It makes me reevaulate why I'm interacting with these people.
It becomes this process oriented thing that Tyler mentioned.

E-mailed a bit with the Estonian girl and is meeting her in a park tomorrow.
To feed the birds. She seem real excited, even sent me a map with a big arrow
and her phone number to make sure I understood where it was and to make
sure we would find each other.
This is the first second day from e-mail that works out for me so it is fun.
Dunno how it will go, but I will just try to come with a fun vibe and let it play out.
Should be a hell of a lot easier than with the Australian guy I had to compete with for attention from the girl from Holland. But that is ancient history now.
Even though it kinda messed with me at first and afterwards it messed with him,
before it finally messed with me and the whole deal was done. LOL what a mess.

Spend my days here doing stock trading and training Tai-Chi and still I have
more opportunities with women than I ever had in Norway just by staying in
a hostel. People just come and go and the barrier to talking is lower than cold approach. You are forced to interact almost. Some hostels are more conductive
to this than others, depends on the layout.
Oh well I'm learning and growing a lot on this journey.
Hope I can just go on like this forever. =D
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So I watched Tylers latest and it was great.
The whole underlining of "GIVE ME! HELP MEEEE!!!" really hit home.
So I went out to this event with some 10 people gathering at the bar.
I've never met anyone of them before, just this social website that announced it.

I let go of the frame of wanting to get and just tried to give a positive vibe.
Before I knew it some girl who was very into me had to leave cause a friend
called and I casually remarked that she should write down her e-mail as
well as the Spanish dishes she was writing down for me to try,
so we could continue the good conversation.
She was very happy to do so and now I have sort of a date on with her. =D

All from being less needy and more positive.
It wasn't perfect, but it was way better than what I usually do at such events. ;)
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My new attempt of handling my expectations was only partly effective.
I still feel a bit sad about the last girl.
It is like as long as I'm distracted by the goings on of new stuff it works,
but as soon as there is a lull there is a reapearance.
I guess there is no quick fix as always.
Got to work hard at everything.
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