bagua's Blog

bagua
 
This post is about not be ashamed and hide the facts of my life.

I havn't been out all that much lately.

Reason cause it got too much for me to handle at one point.

I havn't been approaching all that much either allthough I've been doing some daygame
a couple of months ago and still do a couple of approaches now and then.

In the external world not to much have been going on.
I have started a new school and have talked to a lot of new girls.
It helps me a lot, but I feel stuck still.

It is as if no matter what I do I have to break trough a forcefield of not being successfull in the past.
I have dealt with several inner issues that held me back severely.

I get reminded of two central things Alex told me on bootcamp.
I don't have enough empathy and I approach appologetically.

Those are two things that I heard him say.
BUT
I didn't want to deal with them since I really didn't understand them.

I still don't really understand the issues.

All I know is that I'm going into the past of hiding my lack of successes and work
Pretending that if I work on some other related issues it will all suddenly click.

Now the things that I've focused on since bootcamp have helped me in many ways.
But they still havn't dealt with what I belive is my core issues.
Empathy and me being appolagetic.

However they seem so fricking opposite.
It seems like some zen mindtrick to both care less what people think and care about them at the same time.
Cause when I don't care lots of rensentful feelings start to arise.
And when I care I go straight into Mr chode mode.

I understand that techincally those two terms are compatible.
I still find myself unable to combine them.

However me being able to express this in writing is a step in the right direction I guess.
Login or register to post.

Related Posts

Comments

#1

TheAnchorMan

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/26/2011 | Posts: 102

Sounds like boot camp didn't help you?  I am thinking of taking one but am not sure if it will help after years of studying pick up I honestly am starting to think all it amounts to is running around getting shot down like 500 times a day until you get lucky.   They call them selfs pick up artist because they increase their odds so much more than what they call a AFC.   They wont tell you this but if your not a complete loser and keep approaching you will find a girl who is desperate.   

The problem with pick up is they try pretend thats not all they are doing running around like retards getting shot down it's what all animals do what makes a PAU think he can out smart 500 million years of evolution? 
Login or register to post.
#2
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

Oh you are mistaken.

Bootcamp helped A LOT!
Alex was a great help!

Sure I have problems now too!
I'm expressing them quite verbally here to get further.

I'm not as fucked up now as I was before bootcamp

I doubt I can ever communicate in writing where I'm coming from.
But whatever here goes...

Imagine being brainwashed for the first 18 years of your life by conservative Christians.
Then at 19 join the military with almost NO CLUE about what secular culture is about.
Then get rejected for 10 years and trying everything under the sun only to get massive
guilt and confusion everytime you approach anything resembling success.

I went to a school at 23 where the girl/guy ratio was something of 7 girls for every 1 guy.
All I had to show for it was a couple of makeouts plus 1 lousy unforfilling handjob.
Over a whole fucking year!!!
The other guys had so much that they where drowning in it.
I litterally ran away from like 6 or 7 girls I tried to kiss.

This was no pressure situations nowhere near any of the shit you get in clubs.
And before I went to the school I had literally devoured most of David Deangelo's material.
Watching it every night to try to find away to get at least one of them.

Shiiiiit you should have seen me at the age of 19 before military before I knew such a thing as pick-up existed.
I knew only two things.
Computers and rudimentary martial arts.
If not for the martial arts I wouldn't be here today...
I would have been a defenceless ready for rape.

I sure acted like one.
Took all the verbal and mental abuse.
But if you pushed or touched me physically...
You got a new view of the word, PAIN.
I bitchslapped guys who where 10 times stronger than me.
Could jump and kick the ceiling at 2,5 meters etc etc...

Thanks for reminding me how extremely far I've come!
In part thanks to RSD! =D
Login or register to post.