bagua's Blog

bagua
 
I've been pushing myself in the "right" direction and suddenly all sorts of shit start happening.
People act so different around me.
And that triggers all sorts of weird thoughts and actions in me.

It is like my unconcious is revolting against being treated so well.
My biggest obstacle right now is not what is going on outside in the real world,
but all that stuff in my head, the hidden emotional landmines that my previous life has left behind.

Still my reactions to "bad" stuff happning is SOOO much better and balanced than they used to be.
Me 5 years ago would be crawled up in a fetus position instead of being annoyed by
having to deal with this shit.

I can certainly understand where David X was comming from when he said that there are two types
of respect. Fear and admiration. I seem to inspire fear when I eliminate some of my chode behaviours.
I may be a bit over the top since I probably have a lot of compensating behaviours that gave me
respect even though I acted like a bitch.

Truth is that I'm not entirely sure what the fuck is going on in many of my interactions since they feel so alien to me.
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