bagua's Blog

On the walls of the room of the former self
are many charts, quotes and such designed to keep motivation up.

Self needed guiding it seems.

They speak of ownership.
Of goals, ideas, destinations, attitudes, motivation, knowledge, things and probably more.

I am, If you, The man, What have I.

Trying to measure ownership and it's progress and then accelerating it.

How much goals, ideas, destinations, attitudes, motivation, knowledge, things is owned now
and how much can the prosses be speed up.

Elaborate charts of rewards and punishments to ensure continued acceleration of achivements.
Was self mad?

Maybe a bit... Self was obsessed with approval and validation.
Telling everybody who would listen about MY motivational system.

Then self learned about approval and validation. And stopped telling everybody about the system.
And guess what?! The system stopped working.

Self was caught in a dilemma. On one side he needed to get rid of approval and validation to
achive even more, but on the other side they were the very fuel of the system.

Self had long ago forgotten that the system was a tool designed to help him.
Self had started to belive that he existed to serve the system.

The system is still there, but redesigned for a new purpose.
What was the orignal purpose?
To use old ingrained habits as leverage against fear and showing everybody how smart self was.

The refrerances to self and omitence of I are an excerise for me to get used to the idea of just being.
Cause not just being is kind of a habit.
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