bagua's Blog

So lately I've actually managed to claim some of my life back.
I've realized a ton of stuff and put myself in totally new situations and have found nothing scary in them.

It is funny how powerful you are when you can say no thanks.
I don't need that today.
Suddenly all the elaborate game someone else has built up to control you is irrelevant.
They feel that they are loosing out.
Thinking that if only they could make me accept the deal everything will be okay.
Now they chase me...
But the deal sucks so I will only accept it on my premises.
Ah the irony.

My route to this point of my life has been tortourous.
Hard stuff. Painful stuff. Frustrating stuff.
But I've presevered and now I stand on the other side mentally looking back.
Wow dude!
All that to get to here... O_o
But still I wouldn't be any other place than here right now.
Things are mostly right now. Mentally.
Sure I could have more money/stuff/whatever.
But I have myself and my experience/knowledge/whatever and that counts for a whole lot more in the longterm.
By most standards I can expect to live my life two times more, that is for all the time I probably have left,
if I live to 90 years old, qand that isn't far fetched as technology will probably be much much more advanced
in 60 years. Now lots of stuff can happen, the world may even end the 21th.
But if nothing takes me out but old age I feel confident in that assesment.

So basically my plan is this. Save for my own appartment however long it takes.
And live my life the way I define it from that appartment.
It won't be a wealthy or rich life, but I was spoiled as a kid and know only too well that affluence doesn't
equal happiness. It equals comfort and lots of toys and status among certain people, but little more.
So I will live "spartan" compared to the decandence surrounding me, but comfortable and nice by my own standard. I will fasion my life to my needs not everyone elses.

Now the women part didn't enter as much in this one.
Maybe since I've come to realize today that that point is pretty handled, once you start acting certain ways.
So my long term goals becomes how to accomodate my needs on the long term rather than how
to accomodate various women I may meet, and societies expectations about how one should live.
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