bagua's Blog

bagua
 
I'm angry!!!!

I have no reason to be angry, but yet I am.

School is finished with great grades. A's and B's.
My new business is starting to roll.
The weather is nice.
I have money in the bank.
Girls respond and start to giggle when I just talk to them.
My life is growing in every way.
But that doesn't matter cause I'm ANGRY!!!

The slightest comment or situation gets me fuming.
Some poor sucker is probably going to go to the hospital
if this goes on.

And I have no logical reason to be angry.
It's just emerging from within.
Its like all my anger from previous life experiences is rearing it's ugly head.

I want to punch someone.
In the face so they bleed like fight club or something.
I'm having imaginary fights where I dismember people  that do things I don't like.
Breaking their arms, gouging their eyes beeing plain evil I guess.
The things that my anger wants me to do would put me behind bars for years.
Beeing a martial artists like me is like walking around armed and dangerous 24/7.
It's like you are fuming and you know that you have this "gun" tucked in your pants.
I can kill with my hands, and that makes it even harder cause I have to deal with my anger
in a safe way.
A fight in anger isn't just a me push, you push me, I hit you, you hit me.
It's more like I trust my elbow into your throat, and flip you head first into the pavement.
You die...

Hmm...writing this made me calm down a bit.
This is really good therapy writing things down.
I'm posting this here since I feel that you guys are partly responsible for making
me face my anger like this.
And yes this is me beeing honest. I have "Radical honesty" to thank for that.
Honestly I'm an angry, fuming, pissed of son of a bith right now.
Thats just how I feel.
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Comments

#1

Alexandre

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2009 | Posts: 199

It gets interesting.
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#2
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

Oh it helped to doze off. Funny how sleeping resets your mood.

Yes violence and anger always gets peoples attention.
Maybe why many males are addicted to action movies.

If you are curious about what kind of things I was thinking about unleashing
on my fellow human beings here are some links to bad behavior.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSeDsDdPoy8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhezbNHHYno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFejQuWh0Z4

I am in no way responsible if you hurt yourself or others trying this out.
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#3

Alexandre

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2009 | Posts: 199

Well, I'm watching your videos when I'm just back from Karate, I have a friend who's really good at it and we practice every week.

When destroyed, you feel alive because it hurts :D
The guy is able to break walls and shit.

You need a lot of patience to learn it.

What kind of martial arts are you practicing by the way?
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#4
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

Well my nick tells the story pretty well. Bagua Zhang.

I would hate to be on the receiving end of those wallbreaking techniques.

That's why I do Bagua. So I can sidestep nasty stuff like that.

Karate is an interesting style of fighting.
My take is on it is that you get so used to getting hit, that if you get in a real fight
you know the deal and don't go all shaky if your opponents scores a hit.

I got my fair share of pummeling when I was at your age, but I'm too old for that now. (28)
When you get older you start too think about ways to avoid getting hit so much,
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#5

secretman

Member

Join Date: 04/28/2007 | Posts: 80

Hey man, i feel exactly the same, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, I am usually always happy and stuff. But lately ive been so fucking angry, just wnated to punch everybody, im thinking about meditation......
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#6
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

My experience with meditation is that it gives you good focus self-control etc.
I've meditated quite alot and I'm still angry.
I've only managed to suppress it more I guess.

I recommend the book "radical honesty".
It has some good suggestions.
It was the reason that I expressed my
anger so explisively in the first place.
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