bagua's Blog

So why am I so happy?

Cause I realize that being the boyfriend with this girl would actually be a burden.
All I wanted from her anyway was sex.

I probably could have gotten sex if it wasn't for two key issues.

My insecurities about kissing in public.

My poor boundaries in some areas who led to her taking parts of my power from me.

Still the situations I got into with her was a gift.
I learned tons about myself and girls.
The mistakes I made will not be repeated.
I will challenge my insecurities so that they become a non-issue.

It leads directly back to strict christian social conditioning as a child.
And all the turmoil I had to suffer when I started to get involved with non christian girls.

I realize now that I misinterpreted the situation then,
and all the stuff I viewed as negative actually was positive.

Now I have these reactions to situations that remind me of past negative interpretation,
and the conditioning that somewhat still linger deep down.

Although NLP techniques have lightened their impact considerably.
Actually without RSD's inspiration I would never have gotten so on top of the situation as I'm now.

I mean to be able to step away and say I don't want that girl as a girlfriend is a huge step for me.
Now I know that all I want from her is sex.
I don't need to hide that fact.

I'm working on rethinking how I deal with women in general.

I think my problem is that I want some logical clear system to box
the messy unpredictable girls into.

Like some go into some kind of friend-zone.
(ugly, unavailable women)

Some go into a flirt-zone to be sorted into potential girlfriends or sex-buddies.
(nice looking girls who are attracted and available)

Then all I have to do is decide who goes where and why.
I guess you kinda do that anyway, but by becomming a bit more aware of this,
I believe I should be able to be more clear on, what I want and expect from different girls.

Right now I feel that I'm kind not direct enough about my wants and expectations.
And therefore can't really complain when they are not met.

Anyway I will work on this stuff and will be back to report how it progresses.
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