bagua's Blog

I'm thinking back on these past two months.
And I am a different person. I have moved my life in a totally new direction.

But, I'm not satisfied. The book "Radical honesty" sums up my dilemma nicely.

"Whatever you don't got is only important because you don't have it.
Something you want is only important until you get it
and then it becomes unimportant.

Cause before bootcamp I didn't have alot of the problems I have now.
I had other problems and some of them has been solved.
And now I forget all that I've gotten, because I see new lack.

So the key is maybe to take it easy, kick back.
Have my goals, but not put too much importance on solving them YESTERDAY!

Another thing I've been thinking about is the ego.
I was down in the park today doing a basic martial arts practice called
circle walking. And as I did it I noticed that I often didn't keep my focus on
my practice.

My mind would jump to reflect on passers by.
Did they understand what I was doing? Maybe those people laughed at me...
OH did that hot girl notice me? Blablabla...

Thinking about everything else than what I was doing.
My ego was too hung up in what others tought about me to
do a simple focusing excercise.
And this translates directly to what happens when I'm out.
I'm to focused on what people around me think about me to focus on my goal.
My goal is of course having a good time and talking to girls I like.

But my ego gets in the way wondering about bodylanguage signs and maybe
I did something wrong and Blablabla...

The good thing is that once I noticed this I was able to focus longer and better
in my practice and I'm going to experiment to see if I can translate that focus into
something I can use when I'm out.
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