bagua's Blog

bagua
 
I'm not a very emotionally expressive person.
After having dealt with several core issues this is coming up as a major target.

I kinda know what to do and have sometimes done it.
It is not a habit by a longshot and I have been reinforcing the trend rather than
moving in the right direction.

I probably come of very cold to other people.
I have a tendency to not want to involve myself too deeply with someone.
Rather hang back and observe and analyze from a distance.

I've noticed that I have a hard time admitting to myself what my problems are.
They have partly developed as protective measures against other guys who have
tooled me in the past.

That is another thing that I have issues with.
Tooling people.
Having been ridiculed and stepped on by others it is very hard for me to do it with others
as I know how it feels.

But back to the emotions.
It is almost as I'm hiding them cause I'm afraid they will be abused again.

When I notice that a woman likes me very much I get tense.
I usually scare her away or ignore her depending on the mood.
Now this isn't to say that I havn't made improvements in this area lately.

I've just been reluctant to share many of my real issues because I deep down wanted to
protect a false image of myself. (See one of my earlier posts)

When I don't know a girl and approach it can go really well.
However the more I have invested in the girl the more tense I become.
I have tried some methods of relaxation and one worked really well except that my
relaxed state pulled the girl in even faster, making me uncomfortable with the
fast escalation and getting me tense again.

This isn't a attempt to say oh poor me!
Cause this is me getting outside my comfortzone and I should just do it more.
This is me trying to givea more accurate picture of where I'm at right now.

It has to do with tension, fear of intimacy, escalating faster than I'm comfortable with.
It is important to note that it is the social implications/feedback that I'm not comfortable with.
If I had an anonymous girl in a room to escalate it would not be a fear of the touching
and intimacy per see, but the feedback and reactions of other people around me.

Even if it is logically not any concequences my mind makes them up and it feels like there are.

It helps me get a better perspective writing this down.
I now know a bit more about what my situation.
Spelling things out on this blog changes how I view the whole thing.

Without having this outlet where I'm not blasted for trying to make sense of this part of
my life I would probably been in deep shit right now.

I loved Alex video on the upperbody movement and center of gravity in hip video.
It made s much sense to me. I've been doing it ever since.
I notice that women notice my bodylanguage, however I seldom do anything with it.
Yeah all these women want me and I don't do shit most of the time.

Well... proves how right it was of me to smash that glorified image of me and women.
I need to accept where I'm at and handle the real issues that are in front of me.
Not some made up "look how cool goals" to impress random dudes on this site.

Every time I get comments on my blog I feel this pressure to pretend that I'm doing better
than I'm infact doing.
This makes me feel like a fake and it kinda kills my performance, since now I don't
only have to deal with my real problems, but I have to live up to this grand image
that is way out of reach.
That doesn't help me at all.
It is however my own fault for being too much of a to tell it like it is.
Nobody else have a clue what is going on in my life.
So me not reporting all my issues in my blog only further prompts people to help
me build a situation where I have to hide my real issues even more...

It started with really small things, and it isn't like I'm lying or anything.
Only that I have a hard time writing all that troubles me in this area.
Cause what will people think of me then?
Well who gives a fuck what they think!
I'm here to straighten things out and could care less if I feel and seem a bit uncool in the process.

So back to the issue at hand.
My emotinal exresiveness and my fear of other people reactions to me flirting and getting closer to girls.
It really is as simple as that.
It probably involves me diving into unchartered situations and making an ass out of myself.
It invoves me getting uncomfortable, facing my fears, dropping the serious face and probably more
that I can't put my finger on right now.

This post became a bit long.
The words just flowed from my fingers.
A big improvment is that I didn't feel any anger when I wrote it.
I neighter felt sad either, it was just a resolve to get past the hiding this issue
from myself and anyone who would happen to read it.

I think that is all for now.
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Comments

#1

Watermel

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/10/2010 | Posts: 219

Bagua, what I like about you is that you seem to be smart, you have a good writing style.

I feel some kind of sympathy reading your message. I want to answer something like "it's cool, it's all right, it's all good, it's not a big deal."

You seem to be quite honest. I'm sure if you would speak with such honesty in real life, the other person would also feel some kind of sympathy.

Did you attend an Alexander bootcamp?


It seems like you strive to correct yourself, to behave in a better way, to get out of your comfort zone, I don't know. What if you just did put all the pressure off. Like really not caring at all. Not trying to make any kind of impression, not trying anything… Just being relaxed, as you are, honest, down to earth, just like when you write this post.

I'm not saying that it would improve your game. Maybe your game will stay the same. But it will take all the pressure off, you will feel less worried about social situations.

Maybe at some point in your life, prior to learning game, you didn't worry about all that at all. You didn't know that all this social dynamics stuff.

What if all this stuff wasn't true? Or maybe it was true but didn't really matter so much. What if everything you learned actually was total bullshit and does not matters in real world?

For instance I was out last night, with some friend.

I was feeling anxious, really not confortable, and not in social mood. I was talking to random girls and they probably were giggling a little bit. My friend asks me: "What do you say so they giggle?"

I didn't know what to answer him, because what I was saying was really crap and it couldn't get me anywhere. It was just random boring conversations like "Is it often crowded here?" / "Do you come often here?"

So I answered that the fact that they giggle does not mean that they like me, and that I don't need to tell anything to them to make them giggle.

To demonstrate it I just stared at a group of three girls, saying nothing. All of them burst in laugh because of the weirdness of the situation. They were probably more laughing because of me, not with me.

I think we have to accept that we actually have little control over other people and can not really manage the impression we make on them. What we should focus on instead, is our own well-being. But the way people react to you… whatever… Once you've seen the full spectrum (girls who want to fuck so badly it creeps you out versus girls who tell you to fuck up / slap you in the face) you accept that you can have a wide range of responses and that anything can happen, and that well, it's out of your control! The responses you get don't define who you are, because in between this wide spectrum of different responses, you are actually the same person.

The other thing is the way you feel in life in general. I think life is easier if you accept it as it comes, and deal with it if needed instead of victimizing.

Maybe I don't feel better than you. I also feel frustrated at times, not in the mood, or just depressed, or sad. But it doesn't really bother me. I know it happens to everyone, even to the best. We don't always get what we want. Some people don't like me. But it's not of my business, I don't have to deal with it. It's their problem, not mine. It's not a big deal. I'm not going to change the way I behave in hope that they will be nice to me.

At this point I have my friends, I have my enemies, I know some people like me for me, some don't. But I'm not going to adapt my behaviour so everybody likes me, I'll just live my life as I want.

Take the pressure off. Do what you want, the way you want. Nobody really cares about you. You don't need to live up to their expectations. Do whatever you think is right. On your path, you will inevitably find people who will like it, other people who will not, and it's fine as it is.

It is okay to be disliked by some poeple. It is okay to fail. It is okay…

As about the fear of being disliked by someone. This is interesting. You may have noticed the same thing: the way people react to you often reflects more about their own personality then yours. Very often I noticed people talking to me in some kind of bad way, and than I noticed that they actually talk in the same maner to everybody else, or to a lot of other people.

Anyway dude, have a good week-end, and I wish you good luck!

PS There are typos in this message as if I was a dyslexic. Sorry, it's late and I am tired.
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#2
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

Thanks for the long response!
I didn't really expect to get such a comment.

The not caring thing is what I'm trying to do on a core level.
The esence of it is "How can I leave others thoughts alone?"

Took a Alex botcamp yes! It was very good!
Without it I would not have managed to reach the level I'm at today. (All levels are relative anyway)
Prior to RSD it was Mystery method, prior to that it was David D, even earlier fastseduction.com.
Before that I was so scared of everything that I immersed myself in martial arts.
Even before that religious indoctination.
When I think back to carefree days I have to go back to the age of 7 I guess.

I guess this is me taking a good hard look at myself, saying "What is going on here?
What is real? What is bullshit?"

RSD isn't the only platform I'm attacking this problem from.
It is however showing me a view that most other platforms try to pretend isn't there.

I really like Carl Jung's work is has helped me understand some of my uncouncious choices over the years.
Especially  Jungian Cognitive Functions and Archetypes.

A guy going by the name of David X in the community is responsible for the honesty part.
He and a book named radical honesty.

I don't really know where this will lead me.
And who cares?
Got to exist anyway may as well make it interesting.

Spelling? I don't jugde people who use my second language.
If you wrote Norwegian I would bash you a bit though! ;-p
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#3

Watermel

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/10/2010 | Posts: 219

I didn't read Jung's works nor David X, but the Radical Honesty book seems interesting so I'm going to read it.

And I remember that a philosophy professor I loved recommended a book by Jung called "synchronicity", I have to read it also!
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