bagua's Blog

bagua
 
I've been taking responsibility from what I have learned so far from dealing with the last girl I was involved with.

The main learning is that I have poor boundaries in many areas.
Especially when it comes to my time and energy.

I let many people make any demand on my time and energy as long as it doesn't conflict with
some other demand on my time.

I'm basically walking around saying, "Time and energy for free!"

Only time I set a boundary is when I have some thing planned,
and then I just rescheduel it.
I say,
"You know right now is a really bad time for getting abused. How about next week?"

I've been watching videoes on bondaries and stuff.
Really helps.

I just set down a boundary towards someone today.
They wanted me to come to dinner and told me that person A, B and C was coming too.
A is an energy vampire, B is a buddy that is all over the place, C is a person I don't go along well with.
When B and C is in the same room it gets amplified due to the nature of their relationship.
A and C I can't picture getting along at all.
It is a recipie for a weird awkward evening if I've ever seen one.

So I told them that I didn't have the energy to come.
A true statement, since I was visioning myself getting totally drained in that company.

I got an answer back with.
"Oh are you tired? Bla bla bla."

I set down a boundary on my time and energy and I didn't have to be forced into that
meaningless situation. Now I have the whole day to myself and some project.
It is raining anyway, so it was my project or being drained at their place!
It was hard though. It took me over 30 minutes of delaying before I managed to push the
send button and decline.

I feel somewhat liberated, but also a bit empty.
But not in a bad way. More like I've pushed out some demon possesing me.
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