bagua's Blog

bagua
 
Underneat it all i still carry a lot of bitterness, anger and hate toward women.

Every time I try to deal with my sexual hangups I run into a wall of bitterness.
Women pick up on this, even online!

I had this exhange on an online dating site (free) with a women.
I started out with trying to bring up sexual topics in my first message.
She responded with "Good luck with that!"
I sent a response that I meant to be funny.
She responded with "you sound bitter".
So I told her "Yes you are right I'm bitter."
No need hiding the fact.
This is my biggest sticking point.
Might as well be open about it and deal with it as a man.

If I wasn't bitter with what else I know now from RSD and similar stuff, I would not have any problems.
It would just be abundence and glory.

But the bitterness is in the way.
It is my bodys way of telling me that it expects massive pain from the path I'm on and have the shields
to maximum.
In fact it is trying to trigger the pain so we can be done with it and move on.
If I'm going to experience pain I might as well have it now while I expect it rather than later when my guard is down.

My subconscious is drawing up painful rejection scenarioes based on real experience.
I've been rejected in brutal ways before.
In addition I have my religious baggage. Making me second guess the rightness of my actions.

I'm not writing this as an exuse, but trying to clarify where I'm coming from so I can deal with it somehow.
Cause my experience is that either I display my bitterness for all to see and make women RUN!
Or I hide it and make myself hesitate and women to not trust me since I'm obviously hiding something.

I wish I had a way to overcome it in someway cause it makes me a very toxic person.
I enter "how to overcome bitterness" into google and I get lots CHRISTIAN websites!!!
Like I would ever take advice from them again...

I found a website on Bhagavad Gita.
“Raise yourself by yourself; don’t let yourself down,  for you alone are your own friend, and you alone are your own enemy.”

“One becomes one’s own friend when one has conquered oneself; but
to the unconquered self, he or she is inimical, (and becomes) like (an
external) enemy.”

That is interesting!
I'm my own worst enemy in this it seems.

"No body can make us bitter. It is we who build the wall of bitterness.
If we mind, it is possible to break the wall and get rid of all
bitterness""Always complaining against others is a very poor attitude and it leads to further resentment."

"In this mortal life afflictions come to all of us, because of
unavoidable circumstances or because of our past karmas. We are not able
to change them, but we can choose to bear them bravely without blaming
others, without tit for tat attitude, accepting life’s ups and downs
indifferently without grumbling. Practicing this sort of attitude gives
us inner strength to live with dignity."

This is great advice! I'm not buying the whole package of that religion spirit, karma etc, but they sure have the bitterness thing figured out!

"Our power to endure suffering is tested only when we face life alone.
Our grit, and our courage and our inner strength will show up only when
we face life alone. Ultimately, in the life-journey, it is a journey of
the alone to Alone.
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#1
Laaavish

Laaavish

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/30/2007 | Posts: 306

this bitterness is a deep emotion, dialed into your body-brain. You cant 'think' your way out of this one.

I suggest practising mindful positivity (framing things positivively when you catch negative thoughts about women...or anything that makes you bitter). Take the time to re-frame those thoughts instead of sinking into the bitterness. Gotta break the patterns.

Meditate. Close your eyes, be present. You will activate unconditional love and gratitude in your body, making bitterness impossible to feel while you're in this state. As you mediatate consitently more and more, it will become increasingly rare to feel bitter.

Practise gratitude (being thankful for everything that IS, rather than focusing on things you WANT ie sex, validation from girls, etc)

Hope this helps dude! as you gain more positive emotions surrounding women, the bitterness can transition into gratitude
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#2
bagua

bagua

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/26/2010 | Posts: 355

Thanks man always appreciate your advice! :)
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