bagua's Blog

So I have been reading some of the first articles on this forum.
And having flashbacks to bootcamp doing it cause it's kind of the only
reference I have for alot of this stuff.

Anyway they are all great in their own way, but one really hit me today.
It was about approval seeking by ozzie.

And I realize that when I'm out I always look for the easy target that hopefully won't
give me resistance.
I remember bootcamp when Alex stood behind me after I got "rejected" and every time I
turned around Alex said. "Go back in!" They opened soon enough and actually approached me later in the night.

But to get to the point I have always feared the resistance because I interpret it as a rejection.
It is maybe my biggest sticking point right now. Cause without fear of resistance I would
basically be approaching left and right,

But I want approval. That's what my Christian upbringing have taught me.
Be nice and everybody will approve of you.

And if I'm nice and they don't approve of me it shatters me.
Cause in my world there would have to be something seriously wrong with
someone for him to be rejected by being nice.
Like never showered, diseased and looking like a John the Ripper.

So I quickly started to belive  that there was something wrong with me.

And there was something wrong with me, I was approval seeking, but I didn't see it at the time
and did it 10 times harder.
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