The Unexpected Saturn Return

 
Hi all. Well, I choded out, you could argue. And I'm paying for it by having to catch up with my aforementioned development. But if it needs to happen, there's no excuse. Interestingly (maybe for the first time ever in all my nights of going out), I was in a very positive mood. There were lots of colourful emotions at work, but by the time I started approaching, the block came back, and it was probably due to my already-established negative patterns of behaviour. One of my wingman buddies went through some of the problems that arose. Here were his conclusions.
 
  • Talk to everyone. 'Social-mingling Time' as Jeff would call it, is necessary to disarm a sense outcome-dependency.

A part of me is beginning to wonder if everything I've been doing up until now was innately narcissistc, that is to ask the question: was I honing my desire to feel validated through a more emotionally-oriented mode of game, rather than egotistical? I suspect that it may have been a mixture of the two, because I know that I've gone out on nights and entered powerful states of non-outcome-oriented value giving, as well the opposite.
 
  • Don't take 'Bitch-Shields' personally.

I always felt guitly about pissing any girl off, but the reality was a lot less personal than I initially thought. If she behaves that way, it's simply a defence-mechanism that she triggers in order to make a chode back off. She wouldn't do that to guy who was in state and flowing with value. (At least, never to an excess, right?)
 
  • Both negative and positive reference experiences matter.

90% of one's development is made by the countless quantity of mistakes one makes.
If everything goes right for you all the time, than nothing is learned. Things will go well, for the most part, only 10% of the time. In other words, plough. Plough, plough, plough, plough, PLOUGH until she asks you to leave.

I realise now that there's a tremendous amount to learn. Back in the Game I go...
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Hi all. I think it's finally starting to happen. Made a really great leap the other night that constituted a very substantial grounding in my PRE's (Positive Reference Experience). Cold approached a girl and we got on really well. Basically I gamed myself for my own amusement and I didn't fall into outcome dependency. It may be the first time this ever properly happened. I didn't go far enough. There was no number close or anything and that was because I cut it off by saying that I had to get a glass of water or something stupid along those lines. But the lesson I took from the experience is this: just keep going until the blow-out or number close or whatever. That's a possible success barrier I have but I think I'm ready to go for a bullet run.


Slowly, but surely, my game is improving! Thanks RSD and everyone who gave me advice once again for helping me change my life!
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Last night was quite erratic. There was a storm of different emotions at work and it was all because of my inability to strip my desires from outcome-dependency. I made the largest number of approaches I ever did on a single night out, not even sure how many in total.It was interesting because I was with a wingman friend of mine who's very experienced and was in state when I met up wth him. A very inspiring guy. But let's cut to the chase: I started approaching and it wasn't going well. There were so many anxiety attacks that I almost left the club, but he forced me to stick around, even though I was freaking out in my head. It was awful, but I'm very grateful to him. I made more approaches. What I've noticed is that it's impossible to predict how any opener will go, but by maintaining everything I talked about in regards to eye-contact, etc. in my previous posts, things don't go too badly. What was wrong?  It was this: even with Branson's advice on creativity with ideas in an interaction as well as using the environment to generate conversation, I was making a crucial error. I was doing it all to GAIN A RESPONSE FROM THE GIRL. That's where the problem was!  When myself and my buddy were heading home we talked about the night that had just passed and he told me an interesting story. He said that for months he spent all his nights out generating his state through self-amusement. He was pumping his own state up for himself and then spreading the value! This was something I wasn't doing. I thought I was, but I wasn't. In the end he left me with these powerful words: Don't Game the Girl, Game Yourself. Happy Hallowe'en guys. Hope you enjoyed this one. I'm off to a party. Let's see how it goes!
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'Find the woman who'll be the ideal mother of your children, not the soulmate who tries to fix you.' -RSDAlexander An immediate paradigm shift, albeit an alarming one. It seems obvious, of course, but the transparency of such a truthful statement is not what bothers me. Rather, it's the culture that seems to champion the latter option. Are we socially conditioned to be needy? Think about it. Almost every romcom we see is written under the assumption that love is something external. I no longer think that to be the case. For men, love must be built from within. For women, love is received. If I'm not correct – and I'm more than ready to admit that! – then this puts us men in a very curious disposition: make love, not war. Maybe this is how intimacy between the sexes is designed to work in accordance with nature. It makes sense. Why would women love our ramblings so much if they weren't dependent on that flood of positive emotion? Think about it! Positive reference experience = Positive emotion.Positive emotion = Love <3 . :) This is why the term abundance is so important: it's not about how much you can get, it's about how much you can give. To be abundant is to be a fountain of positive emotion.Do women see us as a resort to quench their thirst? (No pun intended...) ;) High self-esteem is achieved via the disenfranchisement of the negative reference experience in favour of the positive. Accumulating a wealth of these experiences is key to grounding a foundation for positive emotional generation, which can then be deployed accordingly with will and with ease. Is the above merely a metaphysical description of the ejaculating phallus?! Yeah. You were thinking that too, weren't you? Don't lie. I know you were. :)  
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Feeling relatively ok, surprisingly! Still not quite ready for the Bullet Run. I need to relax a bit. Wasn't too outcome dependent, but very focused on trying to make the correct leap when it came to bonding. Maybe it's easier to do a one-on-one? Hard to say. It shouldn't make a difference. I was definitely tense. The effort to make a bond in order for it to go well could be the impetus that wills the approach itself. In other words, I approach because I want to for the sake of proving to myself that I can achieve emotional compliance. Of course, that's an outcome dependent mode of thinking! Ha! Oh, this brain of mine... The test of me then, is to enjoy simply doing it for the sake of the experience itself. When we think of all our best memories, they are indeed positive reference experiences and we'd like to have more of them. Why not build a nice memory collection? Could that be what this is all about? Simlpy having fun?
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Last night was a vast improvement from the previous nights, and it's all because of a big shift in my thinking. I realised that the central reason why I got into the Game had almost nothing to do with sex. My issue was a lack of emotional security – as well as an inability to form a connection – with women. From the very beginning, the bar had been set far too high. It's easy to assume your purpose with such things when getting into Game for the first time: "I'm gonna have sex with lots of girls!", etc.,etc. But now I realise the cause of so much anxiety: I was the one putting too much pressure on myself by expecting amazing results to happen at a time that was far too soon..So, before I went out, I established three very important factors:.1) I don't care about sex anymore. I'm just going to bond with some girls and have nice, fun conversations..2) I don't care if I don't kiss or even get a number. I'm just going to bond with some girls and have nice, fun conversations..3) I'm going to focus on every positive reference experience and this will help me block out my demons..And then I went out and I managed to approach five different women and had two great conversations. I'm happy about that. My mood was so much more positive and I felt so relaxed doing it because I'd basically removed an anvil from my shoulders. I even bumped into a girl I knew from school who I hadn't seen in years and the chemistry was pretty high, but, interestingly, in an emotional way rather than a sexual way..All of the above, I think, constitutes a big change for me. Now I have to move forward by doing a Bullet  Run. What do I mean by that? Approach, approach, approach. The next time I go out, I'm going to approach every girl I can. I'm not going to be selective and if get hesitant I'll just work hard to detach myself from those negative emotions by focusing on the positive reference experiences I've had. That's my goal for the next stage. Thank you RSD for all your help. Felling hopeful.
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Bad night. Totally froze. Holy Hell. Couldn't block out any negative thoughts whatsoever. It was incredibly strange. This is not the first time I've had this problem but I'm working on not getting consumed by them. I'm currently working my way through Brad Branson's material and his instructions on adapting a positive mind-frame are helping greatly. The best way to look at this situation, for me, is like this: I wanted to go out for four nights this week, upping my adventures from the three-night-per-week pattern. Two more nights and I've reached that goal. But I have to use the negative experience as motivation to succeed. My thoughts and emotions are not me. I'm aware of them, but they're not me. Focus on the positive. I'm awesome!
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Hi all. The title says it all, though it wasn't quite as smooth as I would've liked. It's the first time I ever got a number though whilst out in the field. Successfully managed to create a conversation in the manner of what Brad Branson talked about in Evolutions, that is to say, flowing with ideas that don't develop an argument but try maintain and intensify the emotional charge to pump state. I felt I was being quite overly conscientious about my decisions of direction without being fully immersed in a free-flow state. That's something I need to work on, but it's getting better. MORE APPROACHES! Less outcome-dependency and more process-oriented enjoyment! It's all slowly starting to build up.
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My wingman friend the other night broke something to me that proved to be shattering. I had never been blown out. Why? Simple. I kept leaving before working through the conversational obstacles before creating an emotional bubble. What I mean is this: if I thought the girl wasn't having fun, that must have been a cue for me to leave, which I interpreted as a  blow-out! Not true! A blow-out happens when they ask you to leave or something similar along those lines. All this time I thought I was being blown out. I hadn't even hit the onset of momentum!

Talk about distorting reality, eh? Time to put that mistake in the past where it belongs... and to plough through.
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That awkward moment when you realise that you may have an addiction to negative emotion, resulting in negative outcome. See, there's a dualism here. On the one hand, there's the old me: insecure, negative, outcome-oriented, reactionary, etc., etc. And then theres the deep identity-level change that I'm working to build. How does one defeat this heavy-weight past?

Well, everything is getting close to solidifying when it comes to approaching. Working on what Branson calls the "hook-point" is the next step. But I need to go out more. I went out three times a week for the past month but it needs to go up to four. Tonight, is the first time I make that change. Hopefully the scales will have tipped by the end of the week. I'm beginning to think that the measure of how much one needs to change could be paralleled by the number of nights one needs to go out to make that change. In my case: more.

Wish me luck, brothers.
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