AZmagic's Blog

 Yeah. I actually said that to two different girls. Maybe 3. Ha ha ha...

I love how the more I go out the more I just stop caring what people think of me and actually start to learn about social interactions in a much more rapid way because instead of all that noise holding me back, it's like I can finally SEE things. Slow motion.

Tonight was awesome! Stretched my ol' comfort zone. Did less dancing than I normally do mainly because I'm just really trying to find what works in terms of the LAY.

Again, as always, starting the momentum EARLY on in the night was HUGE for my state and social momentum in general. Talking to anybody and everybody. Realizing and internalizing every night "I am enough." It's that constant repetition that's getting me this solid, hot coal core.

This one girl I met there last week was the one I tried hardest to pull home. Seeded about my guitar and she said that she'd come tomorrow night but not tonight. And I was going hard I was just like, I don't want you to come over tomorrow night, come over tonight! I feel like I was pretty fucking persistent with her. Maybe saying that and physically trying to pull her hands to come with me. Not totally sure if what's going on there..

I was eye-flirting with this one cutie standing a few feet from me and this dude gets all up in my face all angry and pissed (cuz he could tell that she liked me) like, "YOU ALL RIGHT? HUH? YOU ALRIGHT?" Little fucking bitch... what a fucking licker. I approached another guy and girl set, and it ended up being one of the hottest girls I've talked to kind of ever who's actually a model and the guy was just a fucking cool guy. He pretty much made friends with me and he was totally cool with me talking to her. Of course, she went home with him. That's the difference between the guy who's got the hottest girls and the loser who's got that scarcity mentality getting all pissed when he thinks some guy is trying to steal his girl. He's really getting pissed because subconsciously he has a scarcity mentality and it's a REALLY big deal to him if he loses the girl. Also, he's probably just a douche sandwich in general. But... whatever. I just ended up walking away from them kind of telling the guy it's cool, don't worry man or something like that.

But dude. I'm not pissed I'm not pulling, though I know I will be pulling A LOT once this fucking cold sore is gone, lol.
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Last night was pretty bad, but by the end of the night I was feeling ok.

Tonight started off similar. Like, a shit, shit, shit, I don't want to get blown out or fail or bla bla bla. I was standing around for a solid 20 or 30 minutes with my friends like a total chode until finally I just got frustrated standing there and I was like, I know I'm gonna get blown out but I don't give a fuck.

Got blown out. A few times.

And then, bam. Started to get it. DAnced with one hottie blonde for a while. Back to chode with friends. Back to dance with randoms. Get blown out 1 or 2 more times, back to chode with friends. Back to dance... then starting to talk to the girls more, saying stuff like, "Come listen to me play the guitar after this," trying to pull home. This made me feel better, at least now I was trying.

Opened a 3 set on the other side of the bar away from the dance floor. I was in state by this point. She was resistant kind of, my target, I mean, but I was VERY persistent in a positive dominant way.

Anyways, ends up I got two numbers at the club, both texted back, then a third from a friend of a friend who came with us, and I think it'll be a solid meet-up tomorrow evening for that one, actually.

Insights from tonight: I danced with one girl for a while and when she stopped dancing with me, I thought, what the hell, it'll be funny if I try to dance with her friend and get blown out. But amazingly, I danced with the friend for a while and no blowout. Eventually the friend pointed me back to her friend, the original girl, and I danced more with her.

I did this whole "dance with girl and then her friend" thing twice, and it worked both times. AND on top of all that, what really kind of blew my mind is that the third girl I got the number of with whom most likely I'm meeting tomorrow saw me dancing with ALL these different girls, and motorboating a random girl in the street after talking a second with her, and the girl is totally down for a meet-up tomorrow and we held hands in her car for a bit. I would have kissed her but I have this fever blister on my lip that's really fucking annoying and I don't want to give the "cold sore" shit to anyone..

So... that's how the cherry blossoms.

I was just kind of surprsied that I could dance with a girl and then dance with her friends, too, and they were cool with that. I feel like I should have known this before, but it seems like an epiphany. It's actually still kind of hard for me to believe it. I've just always thought that once I "chose a target" or whatever, that I was kind of stuck with that girl and shouldn't flirt with the other ones in the same way. But apparently, at least in this situation, it's totally cool. Ha ha.

The moving around the club thing is huge. Did that with one girl tonight, and it makes it a lot more solid. Moving her around a couple/few times in the club is like a mini venue change. It's perfect.

I'm outta here! Big pile of homework tomorrow, but I'll get it done to feel awesome by the time I have this meet up with the girl from tonight.

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First night in like 3 weeks at least I'd call a shit night. It actually wasn't bad in the end, and I'm glad I had it. I just have this fever blister that's popping up and it made me depressed cuz I don't want to kiss girls when I have a fucking cold sore on my lip. And it'll probably be there for a week or two and that sucks.

Anyways, went to one club for 2 hours or so, then another for the last hour where things started to look up. It was just a weird night...

I'm tired and don't want to go into a lot of detail but at the 80s club I went to later I was just being crazy and stupid and got into state finally at the very end...

I'm tired. Good night. 
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Two solid venue changes and subsequent kiss and makeout. On one of them I really liked her so I just kissed her instead of making out... got her number and texted her Nice to meet you tonight. She didn't text back, but I used a snap-back effect "you won't remember me" line so maybe she will and something will happen. She was sexy as fuck. When I started dancing with her I was just like, omg I can't believe I'm dancing with a girl this hot. Ha ha ha... so fucking hot. Def a solid 8. Maybe 8.5. Mhmm.

I told the other makeout girl to call me so I'd have her number and she did, but for some reason it didn't go through, so next time I'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen again. That it def goes through and I def have her number.

Just had a solid fun night. Shit's fun as hell. I was tempted for a second not to go out. My roomate even told me hey, just go to sleep and rock out tomorrow and the next day, cuz that'll make 5 nights this week. But I just really want to go out 6 nights a week, especially Thursday, and I always have such an amazing time. I always feel AWESOME after I get out of the club/bar... always.

I always have a good night. And I think it's due to the fact that I always challenge myself to do something out of my comfort zone. I grow every single night, and every single night back out I see the new confidence and it just keeps getting more and more awesome. ha ha ha ha! :D Yayyyyy!

My pupils were so dialated when I got back.. no drugs, only half a beer at the bar... my new Thursday spot, btw.

Also, my first time out to a bar alone.. there was a great little dance area though, so it was still cool.. I instantly feel more comfortable when there's a dance floor, for some reason. :D

Anyways. Goodnightie. 
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So it happened! ha ha. I've been wondering if it would ever happen to me. As I was coming out of the men's room, there she was. I kind of jumped over like, full tarzan style and we just BOOM started making out! Ha haaa. After like, a couple minutes, and a minute of me thinking, damn it damnit, damnit! I want to pull her into the batthroom, what will happen? Will it go down? I take her hand and bam. Empty stall. Perfect. Proceed fun times of sloppy bathroom fingering and making out and... then the bathroom guy after a couple minutes was opening the door telling me I had to get out. lol.. Well, I got her number afterwords so we'll see where it goes.

Also, I want to go to bed here so I'll keep this short. Just wanted to put some of the highlights.

I was doing mixed sets like crazy tonight. Just full on not giving a fuck, putting my arms around the whole set, basically, or just going right up to the set and only talking to the girl for several seconds before engaging the rest of the group, but kind of putting them in spectator mode.

At one point I totally stole these two girls from a couple guys. Just went in there talking shit and being crazy in general and after a few minutes I grabbed the hotter girl's hand and said, "Let's go dance." And we went away from the two or three or however many guys were surrounding them ha ha. But then after a minute I lost that set on the dance floor. Another guy approached her from the front and grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. She went. Ok... note to self--try this sometime when I want to dance with a girl that's already dancing with a guy. :D

Hmm... and my friend was out with me who for some reason I feel beta around him sometimes. Just not anymore really, since I've been going out full time. But it's like, we've known each other since before I even... well, I had slept with one girl and I was just so socially awkward and he was kind of a douche to me but then we just slowly developed a friendship as I got cooler and are friend groups always kept merging so now we're like pretty good friends.. we spend a lot of time with each other.. but I actually told him tonight that I've felt like we don't really connect at a totally deep level.

It's cool, this whole, unapologetic putting myself out there thing. It makes every aspect of my life so much more awesome. I can't believe I haven't been doing this my whole life!

One final thing that was awesome was these 5 or so girls that were feeling each other's boobs and I just sat down right beside the hottest one, but she was so fucking hot and I could feel myself only going in 90% and she kind of "blew me out" but I ended up talking to basically all the other girls and had some fun times with them just shooting the shit and whatever.

I'm learning a lot, living a lot, and generally becoming even more awesome. Life is good. It's just about doing the RIGHT thing that I know to do in my gut.
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Ha haaaa!

That's what they said. A group of three girls in their late 20's I approached a block down from the clubs. They were just sitting there by themselves, and I thought, well, what the hell? What do I have to lose?

Nothing. Just like every other time. The only time I lose is when I don't try. Trying = winning. Success = trying. Failure is only when I do not try.

And I believe that so fucking deeply...

I didn't even get their numbers or anything b/c (I know, excuses) the one that I was into walked to the sidewalk to hail their ride (which I announced, by the way) while one of the girls was unbuttoning my shirt and taking it off right there on the street. The unbuttoner girl was the single one, lol. The girl I liked was married ha ha.

But damn. What a fucking beautiful night.

It started off with well... really it started off with my whole day. I just did tons of stuff right today, like I've really been doing since I stopped 1) dating a steady girl and 2) smoking weed.

My good friend in a city a couple hours away invited me to a cool concert he's got tickets to. Hadn't talked to him in 3 months or so really.

And my other awesome friend who lives across the country I talked to for an hour or so just about life and girls and random interesting topics. One of the guys is like 30, the other one 40, and I'm 23, so I really consider myself fortunate that I've been able to make friends like that that are so fucking cool and real.

I gave a fraternal peace sign to the middle-aged woman driving the mini van on my walk from parking to the club. Made a couple random comments to some passers-by. Started clapping and yelling some random shit about having fun and partying to the line of people waiting to get into the club. And really... I can't think of many better ways to start building the momentum and getting the night off right. Talked to randoms in the club right away. Dudes, girls, anybody that was around me.

Sure, people might think I'm wierd. Why is this guy talking to a group of guys, what is he gay? I don't give a fuck what they think. I'm fucking awesome and I'm doing it for me anyways. It's a celebration of me and my awesomeness. A concept I first heard from Alex, although I'm not sure who really invented that.

Danced with randoms. Went outside and got into cool fun conversations with groups of girls, guys, girls and guys. Got a couple numbers, 1 real solid I've been texting all night and 1 that was the wrong number lol.

Going out right away and talking to people early on in the night outside was a HUGE social momentum builder. People seemed more open to conversation and random fun carousing before the dance floor opened and stuff. The excitement was in the air, the anticipation.

Third week in a row I've been going out 5+ nights, and I'm just loving it. This is my path. This is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to figure this shit out and then teach others how to do it. It's why God fucking made me (if there is one... which I think probably there is, but that's another topic for a different day).

But to end the night with getting stripped of my shirt by 3 screaming pretty hot late-20s cuties is a great way. Pure flow of nimbus like state. Wooo. I know what it means. And it feels better than any drug I've ever taken.

On that subject, it makes me realize the stupidity of drugs and how they mimic the real feelings that you are capable of having but most people simply won't pay their dues to allow their bodies to reward themselves that way. But again, I digress.

Thanks RSD for being so fucking awesome. My copy of Jeffy's new book was supposed to have arrived today and the tracking said that it did, but I don't know if one of my roomates accepted it or what. I haven't talked to all of them, but I didn't get it... I need to figure out what's going on with that.

I'm excited about life. I can't wait to live tomorrow, to see what I'll learn, what the universe will teach me about life and how to be even better and more awesome than I already am. I've got that light in my eyes back--in a slow burning, pretty fucking solid way. In the way that knows I'll create a successful balance between my realities of school and work and LIVING and WINNING. That knowledge that only comes through challenging myself over and over and over again, that the ups and downs will come, and I'll be able to ride them like a surfer rides a wave.

In some ways it's scary, because I'm feeling so good. And I've been feeling so good for 3 weeks+ now.. and I know that there's usually a calm before a storm... but... I don't know. I feel ready for whatever the universe wants to throw at me. I think. Ha ha... actually, it's a lot scarier to type/think/feel that than I thought it would be. I'm sitting here like, Oh shit. I don't need anything too crazy, dear universe ha ha.

With persistent love, beauty, and gratitude.

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That's what it's about. Winning.

I feel so fucking good. And I haven't stopped feeling good since, well, going back out again. Or at least after I got done crying about my x.

I just feel this gratitude and excitement about life, knowing that no matter what happens I'm going to be good. I even wrote a 5 page paper yesterday that took me over 7 hours including tea and pee breaks, and I still wasn't that down about it.

I've got a new passion for life, for my life, and I know that I'm on the right path.

Going out 6 nights again this week. It's always beautiful.

I'm texting this girl now who it's weird because it's almost like we're still in the attraction phase a lot, and I'm trying to bring it over from that to more just being cool with each other and dtf and stuff. I know I'll learn from this, wherever it goes.

Also, one other quick thing before I go. I think there might be a girl out there who's reading my shit and knows me and then telling her friends what I write.

Bitch, if you're reading this, I'll choke you, ho.

Ha ha, no, not really. But seriously.. not cool for friends of girls to read this either. This is MY journal. This is personal and it really pisses me off if someone is reading this and then telling their friends: Oh, watch out for this guy. It's just not right to do that. I'm not publishing names or shit. My name is no where here, no names at all. This blog isn't meant for some to read and tell her friends about the inner-workings of my fucking mind.

So.. talk to me about it if you know me and you're doing that shit cuz seriously, it's not cool. You know who you are. Also, weird and creepy to do that anyways.

Don't be a creeper.

LOve. Me.
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 Ha haaaaaa :D

Fun times. Awesome times. It was a rave, and about ¾ of the way through I had my shirt unbuttoned. Towards the end it was pretty much off. Such a fuckin fun night. Two kiss closes.. One number, one face book--ha ha she was yelling across the street “what’s my name one more time?” So I would remember, ha ha.

I invited a girl back to my place. Just told her she should listen to my newest song on the guitar.. I don’t know. It was prob the first time I’ve tried to same-night-pull.. And I wasn’t even nervous at all. Part of it may have been that I didn’t think it would happen, part of it probably just all the social momentum I’d built up. A fuck-ton.

I was getting into conversations right and left. Had a gay guy almost kiss me lmao.. He was just smiling at me and I always just think that when that happens it’s a cool guy who’s just friendly and when I smiled back at him he just came right in there grabbed my nipple and got right in my face ha ha ha. I was just like, dude. I’m not gay. Lol.

Anyways. I had a thought tonight about state coming from within and that whole idea. I think that it might be partly a shift in where state is coming from that is key, but it might also be a shift in mindset, realizing that state has ALWAYS come from within. It’s just that my “within” was deciding/sometimes decides to put extra value on certain things that pump my state. I’m not sure. It’s a thought. State comes from within. I love this concept.

Alrighty. I’m outie.
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I was talking with my Dad today. Longest conversation about deep issues we've had in YEARS. And I was telling him about this one time I took this crazy pill I didn't know what it was and how I had a bad trip and I'd never done anything like that before and I genuinely thought that God was going to keep me that way permanently because of all my sins. I started yelling, "Fuck you, God!, Fuck You!" Loudly. It probably woke up some of my apartment neighbors since it was about 5 in the morning...

Ha ha... I may deserve it, maybe not, but I came out of it anyways.

And I learned two or three important things. Or, not even necessarily learned them, but shit just became more lucid for me. This was about 6 months ago, btw.

1. God doesn't care if we love or hate Him. He's the ultimate PIMP. He made the fucking Universe, and it's His. If we want to enjoy it and be positive, it's up to us.

2. God loves us. Otherwise, He wouldn't have made the world so damn beautiful.

3. God doesn't love us because of who we are but because of who He is. Again, He's the omnipotent Pimp. He's God.

And call it the universe, love, God, Earth, or whatever you want, but I think more of us in different religions are talking about the same thing than we realize.

Anyways, that was random but it's something I've been thinking about for a long, long time and I wanted to post something about it.

Also, going out tonight (Of course). This'll be the 5th night already this week, and I still have Sat to go, and already my spot picked out.

I love it. I love the game. I love women. I love life. I love the way I can't help but becoming a better and better person with more value to offer by constantly meeting new people.

This and last week my biggest things have just been focusing on the approach. I'm such a quality guy that if I can get them hooked and into "rapport building" or whatever, then I'll be fine. I have LOADS of interesting stuff to talk about.

But for now, I'm simply focusing on the hook. On getting that raw attraction... I know my mind is starting to pick up on patterns. I'm less scared when approaching.. I'm approaching hotter and hotter girls every night, and it's awesome! ha ha I sound like such a newb.

But I haven't pulled since last Thurs, and I'm not pissed about it or anything but I need to start going for it harder. Number, text, pull. Or no number, just pull. I'm gonna try to pull tonight.

At least I'll invite girls back for "afterparty" times, some guitar playing...

Still thinking about my x a lot. Was a little down today. I miss her. But as cold-hearted as it sounds, I'm better off the way I am now. This is what I was missing.

Thinking about getting a local condo with a friend who's got similar interests as me instead of going to Miami right away. My dad said it was prob a good idea too. I don't know... I mean, it's just 6 months. I should probably do it. I think it'll be a good opportunity for me to get some finances straightened out a bit before going to Miami, but I still want to talk to some friends about it and see what they think.

Alrightie. cheers you guys. Get the fuck out and go talk to some hot girls. Get refuckingjected. It almost feels as good as winning, you'd be surprised.

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I’ve been out since Monday night every night so far. 3 in a row this week. Went out 5 last week. I love it. I fucking love it. It’s my reason for living, it’s my purpose, to go out and put my self and my personality on the line 5+ nights a week in order to grow and learn and develop my skills with girls.

Tonight I had more rejection than I have for a while, and it was good. I needed it. It’s crazy how the universe just gives you exactly what you need in order to become better. I needed to see that rejection really isn’t bad. It’s really kind of funny sometimes even… I mean, it’s like, I don’t consciously like it, but I do know that every rejection is a fucking brick in my palace. Every failure is a brick in my palace. And I’m building a big palace, so I’m going to need a lot of failures.

See, I know that every time I go to dance with a girl and she pushes me away or whatever, I’m showing my subconscious mind that it’s really not a big deal to fail. Failure is part of the process. Of course, I don’t ideally want the failure, but it’s kind of inevitable to happen on the way. In fact… I don’t even really view a girl rejecting me as failure, but my not going to talk to her or try to dance or whatever is the failure. Not trying is failure in my book. Other than that, there is only success.

A lot of the things that happened tonight would be difficult to break down exactly, but the bottom line is that I can feel and see myself improving. Shit is getting smoother. I’m feeling more comfortable in situations I would used to have been much less comfortable in.

I have been thinking about how I need to go for the pull more. I prob should have done that more tonight at the end.. I could have made out with this 7 tonight but I got her number and one of her friends is kind of cute so maybe something will happen from that.

I saw my ex’s old best friend and we had a cool talk. She and the girl she was with are both strippers ha ha… kind of funny I have a stripper friend… who’s actually more of an aquaintence, but still, we go back about 6 months now, I’ve just never gotten her number or anything. She was my x’s old best friend, and they still talk, so I just don’t see anything ever happening there. Maybe that’s me being traditional or a nice guy. I don’t know.

But I met some cool guys too tonight. I’m just seeing that interactions in general and making friends and confidence is all going up a lot.

Staying in there is huge. Tonight I could feel myself back out of certain things when the tension was on, like, I would take a step back from the set I was talking with and I think that made it kind of weird because it was as if I wasn’t sure of myself.. Which was kind of exactly what was going on.

But again. Solid night. Nothing crazy, just that experience that slowly builds into new levels and new epiphanies. I’ve been staying pretty on top of my shit in life, too, like exercising and exercising. I wrote a song about my x and me today. It’s really fucking good.

I feel so grateful to all the girls that I’ve been with for helping me become such a better person and adding so much value to my life whether they knew it or not.

Life is good.
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