AZmagic's Blog

I'm afraid. In fact, I'm scared shitless.

Reading about what these guys as RSD instructors have gone through in order to become who they are today scares the fuck out of me.

I'm a little afraid of failure on a small scale.

I'm afraid of failure in front of more than one person.

I'm afraid of failure in front of a group of people.

I'm afraid of getting beaten up, getting the shit kicked out of me for something that I do trying to learn this game.

That's probably my biggest fear.

Either that, or the fact that I'm afraid I'm not going to succeed because I think I might not succeed.

So you know what? I'm going to fail, and I'm going to fail big.

Because I know that every time I fail, I'll learn something and care less about failure.

"The quickest way to double your rate of success is to double your rate of failure."

And I'm willing to do that.

I'll get blown out a fucking million times if I have to. I'll get humiliated in front of small groups of people. In front of large groups of people, if I have to.

And the scary thing is that... I have to.

Because in order to realize that it's not that bad, I have to KNOW it's not that bad.

And the only way to know it's not that bad is to experience it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want failure. I want success.

I want everything I want.

But I'm willing to eat every failure for breakfast, lunch and dinner to get there.

Will it hurt?

Yes. I'm sure of it.

But I'd rather get hurt and stand up stronger than go along at this crawl.

Will I cry?


In fact, in a sick way, I want to cry. Because I know that's when I've really stretched myself.

Will I die?


But I'd rather live one day than surive for a lifetime.

I've got this semester in school, then this summer running an office where I'm not going to be able to pursue this nearly as full-time as I want.

But I'm going to take a break from all this stuff.

I'm going to finish school.

I'm going to get a different job if I have to, as much as I'm dedicated to this job and believe it's one of the best things I've ever done.

And then I'm going to go out seven days a week for three years or until I die. Whichever comes first.

Until then, I WILL have mini-exploits and especially day-game college times to post here.

One Love = the love of the game.
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