AZmagic's Blog

I've been doing this more as a journal than anything else, but I want to start making FRs with them.

I did go out last night, approached a couple sets, talked to some people I knew.

It felt REALLY fucking good to run into a couple girls I was friends with and when they asked about their friend (whom I didn't know was there but has always been a complete to me, I worked with her for 3 months), and I told them that their friend sucked at life, she was a fucking and I never wanted to talk to her again.

Now, I know this seems incredibly mean. But here's the thing: 1. I had a HUGE crush on one of the two girls that I was talking to for like 3 months or so. 2. I worked with her friend for 3 months and her friend was always SUCH a to me. 3. I never said anything or expressed how I felt about the bitchy girl because I "didn't want to be mean or hurt anyone." 4. I basically let all this rage build up, I wasn't myself whenever the was around, and instead of expressing how I felt, I just let it build and build. 5. It feels good to say "fuck it" and say how you feel.

I'm trying to eliminate every part of supressing my emotions. I'm not saying I want to become a raging asshole going around punching people in the face, I simply want to FEEL my emotions, and then assert myself in whichever way seems wisest. Sometimes, it might simply be stating how I feel. Sometimes it might mean walking away. Sometimes it might mean suggesting someone ELSE do something about the scenario, etc.

Anyways, I feel like little things like that last night are SO important for my overall development. For me to be able to feel my feelings, to express how I feel, and not give a fuck how it affects people is PARAMOUNT to my development as a self-actualized human being. For so long I would hold all my emotions inside so that I wouldn't "alienate" people, or "offend" anyone. I'm not afraid of that anyomre. I would rather alienate someone else than to alienate myself.

It was funny, last night my friend approached a 3-set, after a while 2 of the girls walked away and left just me and one other girl. I say, "You're friends will just walk away and leave you with a creepy guy?" She says, "You're not THAT creepy." Ha ha ha, so anyways, we talked for a few minutes until she walked away ha ha...... it was a warm up, whatever, but it was still fun.  I talked to one other girl last night. We were only there for an hour or so, so 2 sets was just how it went down, other than talking to old friends that happened to be there.

Anyways, I start my new job tomorrow, gotta be there @ 8am, but that's not stopping me from going out and STAYING out until 2am tonight or until I pull. Tues-Sat I give myself no other choice but to stay until I pull or 2am, whichever comes first ;)
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Senior Member

Join Date: 09/25/2008 | Posts: 243

 When she said, "You're not THAT creepy," I should've said, "What about now?" And come right into her face. Then backed off, obviously,and continued to flirt :D
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