AZmagic's Blog

Alcohol is my new weed.

I quit weed back in April, and have only smoked 4 times since. Towards the end of my smoking days, I would only really smoke because it helped me fall asleep or because I was bored and didn't want to think about my problems. The four times I've smoked since then I have regretted it each time, because the next day I would be slightly less happy, feeling burnt out and tired, and demotivated and depressed. So....... it's not hard for me to say no to weed anymore.

I'm beginning to feel the same way about alcohol. It's not quite as bad the next day, not quite as a downer, but still, there is a definite numbing effect that does last into the next day. Not only is excessive alcohol bad for my liver, but it make me forget shit, dream less vividly, and process information less effectively. Not to mention that instead of my body taking time to heal itself and detox from the "normal" toxins encountered during the day, my body has to work extra hard to remove the alcohol AND try to detox, which is surely a lot less restful and re-charging than a normal sleep session.

Anyways, I still lapse into drinking sometimes, especially when not going out, but I'm getting rid of the habit. Not because "I heard it's healthier" but because I'm noticing a small but significant difference in my overall happiness when I do not drink. Drinking is ABSOLUTELY a short-term happiness strategy, and I've done it so much that it's almost as if I've exhausted the fun part of it and the "learning" part of it to the point where........ it's not a big deal anymore. It's not that exciting. It's more exciting to be sober, ha ha.

I just got back from a run. Jogging 2 miles a day has been a HUGE part of my life ever since I incorporated it about 2 weeks ago. Like Alexander says, if you're not physically exerting yourself, as a man, you will go crazy. Physical exertion is a MUST for balance in my life, and I didn't realize that until I really incorporated it into my life.

Well, last night around 3am my ex texted me that she still wants to be friends and a part of my life. I had my phone on silent so I texted her back at 10 something this morning when I woke up. I haven't heard back from her yet but I'm interested to see where this will go. I'll always love that girl. My biggest fear is that I'll want her more than to be just friends in my life again. But on the other hand, I WILL NOT stop going out Tues-Sat under any circumstances, so there isn't really anything to be afraid of. I'm so glad she texted me that......... we'll see if we actually do get together or not.

My "date" I had planned for tonight is off now. Also, last night I was going to go for tea with this one girl and she never texted me back..... I'm still going to try to do a day2 tonight again with a different girl, and I still have a day2 planned for Wednesday. New week. Good times. Peace, love, and appreciation.
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