Having a LTR has somewhat halted my game and I crave it back. I want the fear and the excitement. I want to build those looks, Validation I love it. Don’t need it but I laugh at how much I like it. Real self amusement t work. know what I need to do it for the Cold approach in regards to women. next on the list is Money. A caveman needs a cave. A Monkey needs a Tree ect..ect.. The unbalanced need balancing and that can only come from within. I hate it when people say I’m on some Self help kick that it’s something bad. Like it’s something to be ashamed of with the complex that it is bad to learn how to be better yourself. Ah phewy. Maybe I had a bad group of people surrounding me or maybe I was damaged and needed to learn. To excel my game I must excel my bank account and excel my fitness. So I can do things I want. Keep the goal and keep at it.
almost a year and still working on the foundations. Come on.
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Almost a year and i still remember that first post, that first field report, that first chode. Never new i needed to grow up, never knew about women.
Had my warm up fight with work girl one as a matter of my new rules i must confront. Same the hearts you break. I do feel for her, just too slow, when you have a rotation going the girls up there game. Need some nightclub game
Something is brewing and the reference points and solidifying. The bigger picture is becoming clear. Where not here because we are free, where here because we are not free - Agent smith. Scarcity to Mastery. My only worry it that I have left it too late to implement the type of change I am seeking. Either way this is the path. These are the goals and the Main goal is independence for Freedom. Relying on anybody else for you survival is overwhelmingly illogical.
Why take advice about money from a poor person
I just realized I have been taken advice from people either in the same place as me or lower, What I meant by this is when I seek support for my ideas, I get the usual: That’s a dumb idea, or you can’t that ect. Like coaching. When I mention to people that I will get a coach or that I would like to be a coach. They call it down and me down. Until this moment that made be feel bad. As there intention. Also with money, My goal is to be financially free. This also brings people to question. I mean why I should defend my pursuit of Money. Why take advice about money from a poor person. What take dating advice from someone who is not getting success?
As 50 cent said; You are as successful as the person you talk to for no reason.
I will get money, I will get wiser, I will coach, I will be me on my terms.
Rattled my Cage.
What I hate more than anything is when people presume to tell you ‘How you can’t do something’ Like they know what you can and can’t do. And how dare they think they have the right to comment on your mental output. I mention this because last night I was out with work for drinks normally I am normally cool with this type of social situation but for some reason I was off today. Must be due to my lack of over arching direction something I am deciding on now. Back to the Story,
In a conversation with a female work mate I mentioned my happiness when another member walks in the room. I said ‘My world lights up and it’s like she bring the sunshine’ an obvious mention that she is happy. The girl returned with ‘not being funny but she’s out of your league’ (Words cannot contain how anger, cause if I wanted to I would have) like she know what league I am in. It’s like she could smell blood. Before this a friend commented on my dress, in his difference I was wearing a Pink shirt under a green jumper. Anyway it was not meant in jest it was a put down. Like I am not old enough to be in there gang. I was on the back foot, I was deflecting everything it was wizardry but I could feel the state being forced. This ended with a dig at my current girlfriend who I have decided to get back with against the opinions of others. This whet on and then turned to them ganging on while I stupidly say in the corner (why?? Learned this lesson) deflecting blame. I got out of there and went to the toilet, got back in a chilled state and tried to let it go. The 1st thing I learned about game is don’t game where you work. Yes I did Twice……..
I came back to the Bar and said high to a girl who just started we have been flirting and it was systems as normal in fact I was so aware of the sexual honest we just came out and said it. It was then, everyone kept coming over and making comments and knowing looks. Like some spectators it all felt very negative very strange. (Maybe a lake of control on there part). During this bar interaction she ordered a drink then left for the toilet (*for ages) I think Expecting me to pay Like I would have. O no. However I could not just leave her drinks there. Another work girl cam e up who I have had dealing with to ask what was going on, and Why I went round to her house. Ect. Interview style and obviously Jealous bless her.
This felt better after all this I fell I don’t stand up for myself I deflect and steer to get what I want AVIODING confrontation. I know what my next challenge is. Fucking bitches
Post PU in to a Long term relationship and been about 3 months from the dating and now we have moved in .I like taking big scary steps into the abyss of darkness; Love. So the fear is being this exclusive at this stage in my transformation development was clearly not my intention, I feel like the guy who closes the 1st set on Bootcamp and leaves. Now the flipside of this is that I have re learned to lead everything I do and not leading causes pain. I love women in fact I love people. I fall in love all the time. I make sure everything is fascinating and I study. Looking back I through I was good at 21, will I look back at 41 and say wow what a douche I was in my thirties. Different environment have different rules and they all have the same rules. So that is common and unique. Unsure will come back later.
More work to be done, emotional roller coaster of a weekend with the GF and some polarization to my new base state. I have spent so long striving and reaching that I have forgot to sell the roses. Thats right I have been enjoying my time and not planning for the future. I aim for so many vast things and I feel unable to grasp them however the things I once wanted are now past and I have achieved them. I am not happy. The phrase no one will willing i’ve you anything keeps coming to mind and I know all I have to do it take the things I want. Step up and be counted. I have the knowledge now time for the experience. Maybe its time for the short game strategy. I used to think al the pain in my life was necessary and I would one day be free and able to look back day dreaming about stuff that could happen. Time for a change, time to grow up. Just like being born, kicking and screaming.
When I reach the mountian top then what.............i guess you go back down. What do i mean by this. I am out of balance.
Today it different the numbness has started, the film has begun again. The onset of a fundamental change has opened its seed ready to flower. Like a caterpillar creating a cocoon, I realize I have been building a shell to be creative and protected in my own environment. and now the haze as I cover myself. You cannot be free if you are still attached to the grid, to the system. A statement of freedom is the ability to self reliable and not reliant on any other manmade construct that you yourself cannot construct. It is the result of the eventuality for current trends and the inevitably that the little guy will always get shit on. The goal is to not be the little guy. I remember reading when America was obsessed with building underground bunkers incase the shit hit the fan and now in the end nothing happened all the effort you could say has been wasted. I found Earthships and my life has changed. This is my way non reliant on the system not can fail at anytime and ultimately when the system goes down that you can’t directly fix your are in the shit cause you’re a user not a creator. You’re a little guy looking up. Own your house, Self sustain, No bills, Grow your food, catch your own water and treat your waste. Be a Man a true king of your castle, not a pretend king paying for utilities the real source of power. Without power we can still live, but without food, water and shelter we will die. Can you honestly say you trust the electric company, Gas company and government to act in your best interest………. Or there’s.
How would it feel having no bills, free power and water and true control over your food?
Enough of my time has been spent fighting and going uphill. It seems like everything I have ever done has been an uphill battle again and again. Sure I have some success but nothing like what want which is ego success. I hate this sounds so weak like quitter talk however not liking it will not make it go away. The only way I currently know how to improve is to face the demons and deal with the under lying. One very important question I need to answer am I ready for a relationship. I will give it to the End of the year. And if by next year I feel the same then a big change is in order and no long term until I am ready.
Back to being the chode. What is the chode? I see the chode as the false me, the me I show to protect the real me the inner me, the child. To become a man the chode must die, the child must die. How to kill a chode.......?
Deep inner Game
Another MAn Cave weekend, Solitude and education while wearing little and enjoying my own company. A lot of the terms used here I did not fully understand. I have been looking for a definition of Life, Power, Emotion, Happiness and so on. I am looking for the Man Manual. The rules, Do we have rules that govern Male maturity.Watching David Deep inner game solved a lot of problems. I Know I have now been less knowledge then I thought mostly a service lack of experience and I have a lot of life experience however I lack in the area of Power, Time and money. This is my next goal to become a MAN. Something better than who I am. Time to hit the field, Travel and further reading.
What is Power?
How to obtain wealth?