So here i am at the library...the first SPOT! The first area! And what have I done so far man?!! Absolutely nothing. I hyped myself all up, yet it's this fear of approach that killing me. There is people all around me that will hear what I say if I approach a hot chick, and of course there's approaching the hot chick itself...nerve wrecking. I read the newsletter for today and I came to realize that all that shit on there is waaay too advanced for me. I don't even have approach anxiety down and gone so I really don't need to worry about that other stuff just yet. I need to do these approaches to get over my approach anxiety not to appear like a smooth operator to this chicks. That can come later. I'll update later, regardless of what action I take. Inaction or action. this is going to be one long journey...and I think I am making a good bit harder than what it already is. Here i go. And remember, even if you are around people that might hear you gaming some chick, it doesn't matter. be unapologetic. And have the I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks ofr me mentality.
So following up from what I posted earlier, I consider today unsuccessful. Why? Because not only did I start the day off doing absolutely nothing at school, I ended the day at school doing absolutely nothing. I went to the first spot like I planned and as I said in the first paragraph and I did nothing there. Saw some cute chicks, I couldn't make a move. All I could do was look at them from the safety of where I was from a distance. My approach anxiety got the best of me. I realized I wasn't going to do anything there so I moved on.
Second spot, same thing. I offered a girl sitting next to me in the computer lab some of my candy not knowing what else to say to her. She refused and I went on scoping out a couple of hot chicks coming through. I didn't budge. My fear of the approach got the upper hand on me. I started feeling a little down because this was the put up or shut up day. And so far, I had been shutting the fuck up the whole god damn day. I got up, read some "Get Laid or Die Trying" and got a couple of laughs in. Then I decided to go to spot 3.
The courtyard didn't have too many hot chicks, but still there were some. And guess what? No really guess. I didn't approach a single one, NOT ONE chick man. I got some major approach anxiety...and it's like I can't shake it no matter what. I just sat in the courtyard and did nothing, just like what I did in the other two spots earlier. I didn't even say anything to the hot redhead in class today. Sometimes I think I am a lost cause and this is one of those times. I let society mindfuck me. I let the social conditioning indoctrinate me. It's fucked up, it's like I realize that I've been played all my life by society and yet it feels as though I can't do a damn thing about it. Make up for the fuck up. I'm feeling pretty down right now. I thought I could do this. I thought today would be my day. I've failed myself. I'm done here. Peace.
Yeah so plans got totally flipped this weekend, starting off from Friday. I was supposed to do my put up or shut up day. Well...I didn't do it because i had somethings I didn't understand in my music class so I went to my professor and was bent on getting down because me and my partners had to play piano in class that day. And I was nowhere near ready. So I'm panicing over that shit. Class is over with and I finally make it home after a couple of errands. A friend of mine that I haven't hung out with in a good year, hits me up and wants to chill out. He doesn't like going out, so instead of kicking it at a bar, or scout bar in particular we just chilled at my place. I got beer and I got some pot and we smoked that. Shit was fucking strong, and it made everything feel good, and my heartbeat was feeling good. So yeah, that was that.
Saturday, wake up late because me and my friend are totally baked, not half-baked. I go into work, being more social. So nothing in particular today. Dropped my friend off at a rave, and I decided to go home so I could knock out some homework. Besides, I didn't have any cash on me because of the way the do our checks at the job now.
Sunday, which is today I knock more work. Get to work, same old sam old. More talkitive and I see a milf. Long striaght brown hair, nice face, teeth, and BOOBS!! She could find a basket, so being nice I went outside and gave her one. She thanked me and walked off. And then I think to myself, I want to tell her I think she's pretty. But, I'm nervous!!! I tell myself if I see her again I'll tell what I think of her. So at one point I'm heading back to my section of the store and on my way there I see HER! I'm like to myself, there she is...go and do what it! I immediately step in her vicinity and say, "You know...I think you're very pretty." It's like she was waiting for me to come over there because she said she needed help with something, but she immediately said thank you after she asked for my help. That made my compliment seem kind of weird. However, she was very nice though. So yeah, that was that. I saw another after i finished my interaction with her and I wanted to tell her something. But that lady was too close by, so I let her go. So I really need to work on not caring if a chick I talked to earlier sees me talking to another one. So yeah, come tomorrow...it's put up or shut up day. I postponed it to tomorrow because of all the shit last week. So yeah, girl after girl after girl. By the end of the month, I want to knock out a 1000 approaches, small and big. Rejection and pulls. I'll write another blog about that some other time though. Peace.
I've been more talkative for the past couple of weeks at my job. And it was no different today. Greeting my co-workers and the customers. Then I see a few that I want to compliment. All I managed to do with those customers is just do like what I've done with the other customers, I just said hello, and how are you doing? I at least got that. But then there was this milf, I saw her at one side of the store and then I saw here again, and asked her how she was. She said great. And without really thinking about it, I told her, well you look great. BAM! DONE! It was really bold so no BOLD! yet.
Tomorrow...I consider tomorrow as a BIG day for me, the put up or shut up day! Friday friday. Partyin' partyin' yeah! Sorry about that it's stupid i know. Rebecca black...ugly ass little girl. Anyway, I usually have on my mp3 player. it puts me in my comfort zone, a zone where it makes me not want to approach...but I love my music and I want to listen to my music when I'm at school so here's the deal. I'm not going to have the volume up loud like I usually do. I'll do half the volume, like 16 versus 32 and also I'll have one headphone off so I can hear myself talk and hear the girl's respone. I talked about what i'm going to do tomorrow in my last blog, so check it out. Also, I need to keep the being unapologetic mindframe at the front my mind. Cause I'm not sorry for what I like and what I would like to do with these chicks, so there's no need to act like I'm sorry. Pointless and stupid. Another mindfuck of society and religion. Can't be a victim any longer. I gotta severe the chains they have on my mind and do what I want to do. When I think of doing what I want to do, I imagine walking around the school, bumping into all the girls I've given compliments to and them chatting with me for a bit. Having big and strong social network at school. Becoming that guy you see at school with all the hot chicks going over and talking to him because they like him because he thinks they're hot...and not in a weak needy way. One day, and one day very soon. The time is now. So be unapologetic and remember , "Do what you want, say what you feel, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
And also, it's club time. My goal is to get at least one make out and and at least one number close.
So I'm here in my room contemplating my next move for advancing in this game to reach my Awaker status. It's been one too many times that I've been going around and seeing hot chicks and NOT approaching them. Like in the library for example. I see hot chicks just breeze through the door and then their gone, and then another and another. While i'm on the computers there making eye contact with them but too lazy and comfortable to approach. Not anymore! I'm got to make a stand right here and right now. I'm going to start giving my friends compliments. Authentic compliments, if i see something like about them...I'll tell them that. Should be easy since it's my friends and family. I'll instantly work my way to strangers and give them compliments. Tomorrow I got work, so I'll start my shit there. Greet all my co-workers with energy and even the ones that I don't care too much for. Give them compliments if I spot something I like. Give customers compliments if I see something I like on them. BAM! DONE!
Come Friday at school, it's really time to put up or shut the fuck up!
1st area: library...methods I'll use, method 1! if a girl is standing I'll walk over and say, "Hi you were so cute that I had to come over here and say hi(when I get more comfortable I'll say meet instead of hi), my name's Shawn"...hold out my hand to shake, and shake hands.( or after a couple of sets or if I'm just feeling bold right off the back, when they go for the handshake, I'll pull them in close with my right hand I'll use my other hand to go for a one arm hug, and then tell them they smell nice. BAM! BOLD! DONE!
Method 2: If I see a cute girl sitting down studying/mp3 player on, I'll go and do the "tap tap" on the shoulders and open with my original youre cute opener. After getting comfortable with this way of approaching, I'll tell the girl to stand up. "Hey, stand up for me real quick." Stand up. "Now close your eyes." Hug her. BAM! BOLD! DONE!
Method 3: If I see a two set or one set...doesn't matter, I'll just sit down at the table they're sitting at and just stare at them. Small smile of course. And then I'll break the tension with my original youre cute opener. Leave at that or use the bold move of Method 2 and tell them to stand up and hug them. BAM! BOLD! DONE! Method 3 itself is bold, so I probably won't do it until I feel comfortable or if i am in state.
2nd area: Computer lab
Here I'll have to be a bit more bold, Method 2 will have to be utilized. "tap tap" and open with the original your cute opener. End at that or be bold and pull up a chair and chat with her for a bit.
Method 4: Now, if I'm sitting down and i see a hot chick walking by I can't think of anything else to say but, "HEY" to get her attention. I have to be loud and be full of intent.(I'll be self-conscious about the other people listening and watching and even disturbing them because of my loudness..but who ares...they aint going to bring me a cute chick to talk to. I have to do it myself, and this is the way I can do it so fuck em) Open her with the original youre cute opener. Leave at that or be bold stand up, and hug her and tell her to sit down next to me. BAM! BOLD! DONE!
3rd area: Courtyard
I'll basically be using method 4 the whole time out there and the bold parts. If I see a girl sitting alone out there I'll jst go sit by them in and open them with the cute girl opener. Even add on, it's such a nice day, "it's a great day to be out here talking to a gorgeous girl like you".
Additional places, student parking lot:
Walk with a girl to the campus if she's cute. I really don't know what i'd say to open here. Maybe, "Hey let's walk together." With intent and loudness. I'll think of something, maybe if I just go out and try it I'll come up with something. Planning like this makes me think though. When it comes to my friends i don't plan out what i say to them, stuff just comes out like no effort. But this is new to me, so this what I have to do for the beginning.
Things that'll FUCK ME UP:
Logicistics and worrying about what others would say/distrubing them from their work
First of logicistics ain't helping you with shit. it's keeping you from getting the success you want. Logicistics says it's weird to walk up to women and talk to them. Logistics says you can't talk to girls who are on the phone, jamming mp3 players, talking to their friends. Fuck logicistics! Logicistics ain't getting you laid, and it is certainly not getting you any chick friends. So what to do, go with emotion. Motion is emotion. Do what you want, say what you feel. Those who don't mind matter, and those who mind don't matter. So don't worry about what others think of you if you approach/open a girl. they don't matter. Get that through your head, THEY DON'T MATTER.
So with all that said, if you see something you want you go for it. DON'T be apologetic about your intentions and about what you want to say and do. Now make it all happen. Come Friday, it's GO time. And, this isn't a one time thing! Well, keep doing this. This is the new Shawn. This will become my second nature. Fuck socitey and it's fucked social condtioning. Fuck religion as well. I won't be a vicitm of any of that shit anymore.
Side note: Use your mp3 player as a prop, let girls listen to your trance, and tell them your passionate about it. Music production and djing. Hint hint to myself, use that for the redhead in class!!
Man, so here I am, sitting in the computer lab, sitting next to this hot chick and I'm choding out. Damn hope she doesn't read this blog that I am writing...you know what oh well. Damn my choding is getting the best of me right now. I'm so like paralyzed and it feels as though there is almost nothing I can do about it.. There's two sets right next to me. One to my left and one to my right!! Arrrrgh, this is frustating. How dare society posion my mind so extremely. I cannot remain a victim of social conditioning. I got to plow through this somehow! I feel as though I should be an ace by now, but I'm not. Will I ever get there, to that level I dream of?! This is the crap I have to endure before I get good. The crap is my old pre-conceived notions. They come up in the heat of the moment and fuck me up. I allow them to though. Am I not the captain of my own fate? Or are these pre-conceived notions going to rule my life forever. I have to decide now, sudden death or taking a risk and going into the darkness, uncharted areas...the unknown! The route I've been going has gotten me nowehere with women, yet when I want to attempt a new direction I get uncomfortable. Man I want to sign up for improv classes real soon, but money is shitty and gas is high. The classes are all the way up in houston. Perhaps I could manage one day out of the week with school being out. I really need to knock this out and get on with my life. I want to work both on my day game and night game. At school, I'm going to start going to three spots. And in those spots I am going to start talking to one girl. Go in direct...no bullshitting around. First place, library. When I'm there I'll go to the computers and to the study area. Once I'm done there, the second place is going to be computer lab. There I'll be scouting out the place like a hawk(Subtlely of course) and once I see a chick I think is hot, I'm opening her with, "Hi you're so cute that I had to come over and meet you, my name's Shawn." BAM BAM BAM there, done!! If I see another one...DO IT AGAIN. Onto the third place, outside in the courtyard. It's a high traffic area and lots and LOTS of hot chicks walk by there. I could take a seat, tell a chicks, "Hey your cute" "Hey youre pretty" "Wow youre gorgeous." Anything really. I got to get more social. End of story. I failed to talk to these chicks right here. They are having a serious convo about life and shit. Not getting involved with that. Well, until next time. Goood or baaad...I'll keep you posted.
So yeah, just got done taking my philosophy test and I talked to the redhead cute. I had good eye contact and her eyes were like so pretty, it's like a weird blue, and silver-like. I asked her if she was ready to send the test to the moon, she just smiled and said no. i was like why? She said oh, I haven't taken that many notes and I haven't been coming to class that much(which is true yes i noticed!) I asked her why hasn't she been coming to class? She's sleep. i was yep, I got that problem too. it sucks. Then I told her to let me see her notes...politely of course. I didn't ask, and then i said you take better notes than me you'll do fine this stuff is easy. She seemed kind of nervous I noticed...nervous that I turned around and talked to her. Well, yeah I can this much I at least talked to her. In the past if I had class with a really cute girl i would've never talked to her, and on the last day of school I'd just be kicking myself for not approaching them. but I got it now I think! I'm going to try to a few more approaches between my next class now. Saying hi and telling girls I think they're cute and what not! So yeah, on the agenda for next time I see the redhead I'll tell her she's cut, get her name, and see if she wants to start studying. two heads are better than one, and twelve heads are better than six. So here I go, I'll be emerging soon. Emerging soon to become The Awaker. it's in my blood. It's part of my destiny. I'll master this no matter what it takes and no matter how hard times get. I'm not going to let the government keep me from getting this shit dealt with. Fuck Obama and the guys behind the scenes, fuck em! Peace!
My first class, there's this cute redhead that sits behind me with nice brown eyes and tattoos. One day I actually gathered the courage to ask her about what the professor talked about because I was late to class. After that, I haven't done anything SINCE! But anyway, yesterday on my way to school...I started hyping myself up on how I was going to talk to her and try to get a possible interaction going...like studying at the library and what not. So yeah, I get to class a little late(gotta work on that!) and the professor says there's a test on Wednesday...which is tomorrow! I was like cool, I can use that as an excuse to talk to her and ask her about studying...cake! Or so I thought, I told myself that I'd chat her up right when class is over, maaaaaaaan at the time the professor said that class was dismissed I pretty much high tailed it to the door and left, kicking my own ass and cursing myself for not turning around and doing something! I just got overwhelmed and said peace. Oyyyy, I'm not giving up though. School ends in May, either way I'll post whatever happens by the end of the semster...if I talked to her or not. And I also want to talk to other cute girls I see around campus, but the pressure feels like it's too much. oh well, I'm doing it, I'll fight myself tooth and nail but I'm doing it!!!!
It sounds pretty good to me, but actually going out and doing it is another thing. I need to build a stronger frame therefore having a perception of life that is stronger than everyone else's. So one way for me to build a strong frame is to get one...which I already have and go to clubs or where ever and get blown out by chicks yet still keeping my frame...being happy. My frame when I go out is to have a good time, so even if I get dissed by chicks it's still all good. One major thing I need to work on though, is not caring about talking to other chicks after I got blown by a previous one. Even if they're there watching me and laughing at me. This is to gain better perspective on things and to become totally resistance to social pressure. Talking other girls if front of other girls that blew me out earlier. I think more than anything, that'll make them feel like they were just "another girl" which is true because I am not going to waste my time on someone who is not interested. I'm not going to waste my time thinking about how or why I got blown out by some chick that I'll never see again and even if i do...who the fuck cares...RIGHT?! So yeah, the thing is, approach one girl, if I get blown out, and there are other chicks nearby that look good go and approach them. The way I am starting to see this is actually showing them that I don't give a damn that they turned me down, rejected me, blew me out, etc etc etc. And I show them by turning around and approaching the next chick that's even hotter than she is. And then I approach another, then another, and then another. Finally I will have approached all the chicks in the club.
Let me give a clear explanation of my strategy. First, arrive at the venue as early as possible, talk to everyone there, guys too, bartenders, and of course CHICKS. Even groups of guys and chicks. This is the warm up, I don't plan to stick along too long unless I have too.
Next, as time progress the crowd will get bigger and the music will get louder, now that I've warmed up pretty good, it's time to actually approach some chicks with a combination of freedom from outcome and a hint of intent. Grab a drink if need be chill out, approach some more chicks with the same combination. Then after I've talked to all the chicks I've seen as hotties...it's time to reward myself. Of course i'm getting another drink to celebrate, and then once I've downed that. I'll grab a chick I talked to earlier and go on the dancefloor. Tear it up, get out of my comfort zone, and free up all my positive energy so I can exploit my chrismatic aura, thus people will be drawn to me. Mind you this is not some techinque, this is authentic. My state of mind is true. I just know how I am going to feel after accomplishing so much, and furthermore this is my frame. So yeah, fail proof and negative proof. With that said, though while I am dancing I might expect a few chicks to come by and try to dance with me. This where I take a BIGGGGGGGGGGG step into no-Shawn's land. I am going for a full make-out KISS!! If a chick is that bold to come up and dance with me with a smile in her face and a gleam in her eye...hell god damn it I am going to make the next move by stopping what I am doing to fully make out with her. YES! YES! YES! When I do this strategy I will make a field report about it. Until then peace peach, I got music class now and I got to high tail it out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/b][b]
So I was working my job today, being more social with everybody, trying to stay in the moment of things and out of my head. It was pretty busy today, made a lot of sells in the lawn and garden department as well as furniture so time was going by pretty fast and I still had my own section I needed to fix up and keep tiddey which was totally fucked up.
So coming close to closing time, I see a hot blonde that's a 7 walk through the door. I try to give her eye contact, and then I go in my head thinking about what I'll say to her when she gets into close proximity of me. At that point it just occured to me that I had to piss kind of bad, and I see her there looking at the clothes. I walk upstairs to go piss and as I do what nature calls, I keeping thinking about what I'll say to her. I was thinking that when I came down starts I could just walk start up to her and give her simple greeting and then compliment her. So I come down the stairs and she's gone...I panic a little. Then I walk to another part of the store and I see her looking at make-up. I cringe and I walk away from her trying to think of a better way I could approach her. So then I get over to my section and start touching everything up while still thinking about the 7. At this point I'm just waiting for her to come by my section to have an excuse to talk to her. A little time passes and I see her coming my way, I immediately make an effort to make it look like I'm busy and I keep telling myself if she gets any closer to me that I'll talk to her. Well, because of my major hesitation I get called to the front to help some customers with heavy items. That took all my time away from talking to her, but it's my fault alone and not my co-worker that called me. By the time I get done helping out the customers...I see that the 7 is in line, getting ready to check out. By then I told myself it was too late. I was too afraid to go up and talk to her in front of my co-workers and the other customers standing around.
I sit here on my video rocker typing up this blog...and all I think about is that i could've really done something with her as far as approaching goes. I had so many things to work in my favor had I'd open her and more than likely a positive response would've resulted and I could've used lots of time constraints since I was at my job and I was getting called on. Gotten her number and been done with it. But no, instead here I am fucking up what I learned and endured in bootcamp. I know I'm just beating the living shit out of myself now but man sometimes I think that I am impossible. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I do this shit?! What the fuck am I going to do with myself man?! God damn it...I'm going to the gym...to take my mind of this for a bit. I love life.
This past week I've been trying to do things to work my game and just being plain social. It's already been a week since bootcamp, and I feel as though I haven't been excelling in my progress with women. I seem stagnant now. Coming back to school last week, I decided to wrk on my eye contact with people, and it's getting better. It may not be where I want it to be right now however I'd say my eye conact with women has increased significantly. I just need to keep a small smile working on my face as to not totally creep a girl out. So yeah eye contact is making major progress, I can actually look at a hot chick, and not care if she sees me(to some extent but like I said it'll get better with progress). I've been working on having a positive attitude about things...that's been going pretty good. So now I'm at a point to where I need to take a leap of faith in myself. I need to start doing approaches, but I'm still scared. I don't have Nathan to give me that push to go through with an approach. I'm all alone, I'm dying here. As much as it's killing me I'm not going to stop though. I'm going to keep going out every friday and saturday. And on mondays or tuesdays, and maybe some other days if something is going down. I live over in houston, tx so I got a pretty good selection of venues to go to. So yeah, I'm going to keep it up, i hate this feeling of powerlessness, however I'll end up overcoming it if I keep going out and putting forth effort to actually do approaches. Then one day I will finally AWAKEN.