The Awaker's Blog

The Awaker
 
Let's start back from Friday. I went out that night to scout bar. A cool band was playing, I said what's up to the door guy and walked inside. I went to go grab my first beer, and then I noticed this mexican chick with her friends. She was eying me and I went over to her. She held out her hand as though she wanted me to shake it, I went for it but then pulled back and laughed at the surprise look on her face. She went for it again and before I could pull back she did and we both laugh and I gave her a light hug. She asked me who I was. I said I am the moon. (I didn't know what else to say...I didn't want to say my name) I don't remember what I said or did after that but man o man, I kicked myself later because I wanted to attempt a make out with her but as usual I was in my head too much. I saw her again later that night, it was like she was waiting for me, but my dumbass didn't capitalize on it. It's like sometimes you can have something right there in your face and yet...you won't capitalize on it. Or in another case which brings me to last night, Sunday night...I went out to scout bar because it was free to get in AND I wanted to redeem myself from Friday...which I didn't. But onto the case of last night, sometimes you can have so much potential in front of you and then you'll choose to not capitalize on it because you're scared. Dude if anyone is reading this, sunday night at scout bar is the shit! The ratio is pretty damn good. Lots of hot chicks. And if you have the balls to approach them you'll have a great time. I didn't approach not one girl. I bought myself a pitcher of beer. Sat at a table and started nursing it. A girl approached me and asked if she could sit in my vicinity...I told her it's cool. She was an 8. I tried talking to her but she mentioned she had a boyfriend here with her...I guess indicating to me to back off. Her body language wasn't really that receptive either. There was a big gap between us and I wanted to see if she'd close the gap. We just kept talking far away from each other. I suppose instead of waiting for her to move closer to me I should've showed a little bit more interest by moving in on her, and used I couldn't hear you as an excuse. On the dance floor there was so much potential out there and I didn't do a damn thing as usual. Man really...what the hell is wrong with me? This is going to be a very long and enduring process for me. Change really doesn't come easy. I am so introverted and my approach anxiety is enjoying its reign over me and my mind. Next month man, I gotta save up money and see about doing an improv class. I think that maybe my only hope for a quicker more rapid change in my socialness(if that's a word). At my job, I did tell a customer I thought she was a knock out. But I need to be able to say that to more than one chick I find attractive. Shit really sucks right now. And I know I am making it that much harder to accomplish because of my pre-conceived notions. As I said before I don't know how I am going to do this but I will.
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