awakened1's Blog

 This weekend I was invited to the beach by a male friend of mine who brought along two mutual female friends. We had some fun and what's not, dry humping in the water and just doing random shit. With the things that were going on I had to ask "don't you have boyfriends", to which they replied "yes". I'm wondering why they would do such things since one is even engaged to be married at the end of the year. Another point, as we were leaving they asked me to buy them a drink ( referring to what Americans would call soda ) , which I didn't do since I was beating around the bush. They eventually bought drinks themselves and we walked to our friend's house ( he had left earlier) where they asked me again to buy a drink. This time I replied with, I don't have any money. The reason I refuse to buy them drinks is because it seems to me that they're about using men and I personally refuse to be used. If a male friend or a girl who I consider just a friend( as in I don't want sex etc ) had asked I would've bought the damn drink. Was my behavior appropriate?. I also felt weird walking next to them since they are attractive and I was getting stared down. Some men also started making passes at them as we walked up and again I felt weird, I didn't curse the guys are anything (although I felt like reacting aggressively I decided against it).
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Ok, I've recently turned 22 and I have never had a girlfriend and never had sex although I've done things such as fingering girls. When I was around 16 or so my dad freaked out on me when he discovered I was talking to a girl and started chanting "keep your dick in your pants" whenever I talked about going out etcetera. The reason for this is that he never has any money to give his kids (5 from 3 different women) and his life is not far from the life of a vagrant despite a decent paying job. They were a couple of (mostly unattractive)  girls that were attracted to me throughout college but I always thought they were playing around and I even told a girl "I'm gay" to get her off my back. Girls that i'm attracted end up friend zoning me and tbh I'm tired of the whole thing and want to start taking steps in the right direction. I've started taking better care of myself in terms of hair cuts and even started dressing more 'flashy'. When I say flashy, I'm an average height, muscular guy so I've started buying closer fitting shirts as opposed to my regular cargo pants and t shirt mode. Where I live they aren't many night clubs etcetera and I prefer to lime with friends at the beach as opposed to going to a club. For whatever reason though, as of late this issue with women has really been sticking me in the side since I've realized time is ticking. Tried asking girls straight up for sex and was shot down. I want to express myself as a man properly, fucking thing seems confusing somewhat, never gave a shit until now. It feel like i've woken up from sleeping and know that I have to go out there and conquer but it's like wtf do I do, I've reached 22,  why give a fuck now? Completing my degree soon and I would really like this shit handled before money starts coming in and the gold diggers start coming around since I've seen a similar situation and  that shit ain't pretty.
Side Notes
For some strange reason, some women think i'm a womanizer. Don't know if it's because of the muscle.....
A friend who was in a similar situation payed a prostitute and is now acting like he's a God.
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