making it a habit to post something.
i feel more out of my head and more aware of what's going on in social situations. i just have to get into the most uncomfortable situations and control the frame. i really have to focus on my reality at all times. there's no point in managing other people's emotions and thoughts. just concentrate on my strengthening my reality. stay in conversations all day.
i feel that life is a gift and i really just want to experience the best it has to offer. i'm thinking more positively, taking things more lightly, and more focused on my vision.
it's really the experiences i go thru that teach me the most about myself, reading is useless. a huge part of this is resisting emotional pain. it can't be intellectualized.
everything i know to be true came to me when i experienced an emotional shift in thought after doing something that was out of my reality. i remember that after i kissed HBTaiwanNurse that I had a light headed feeling, a tight feeling in my stomach. i couldnt believe what just happened. i was ecstatic. i held my frame for a while, but then when i stopped getting good feedback, i didn't know what to do. the answer is to DO ANYTHING from the place of a MAN relating to a woman. i should call her and tell her to come over. there's no consquence. i will only get feedback and i can make her a friend.
do what a MAN does. and things will make sense. bring this same attitude to school, work, women, sex.
i felt a bit down recently because i was being too realistic about things. i thought: i'm not eating perfectly healthy, i should be working harder, blah blah. i kept thinking about all the ways in which i'm not perfect. but nothing is perfect, and the reality is that i was just being consumed by negative energy - the same energy that used to rule my life.
i guess when i started realizing my greatness recently, i kept making reasons in my head for why i was achieving the success that blew my reality. it's because i'm great. nothing else. simple. i realized my worth and took action. call it delusion if you want. all great people have to be deluded to some extent.
this video by will smith cemented the ideas that have been floating in my head the past couple of days:
- success is not the result of talent, but obsessive hard work
- offering value to others lets you improve yourself
- believe in yourself and your path, and the universe will guide you
- take action against your fears. the only thing to fear is fear
- don't be realistic. nothing would ever be done if we were realistic. bend reality.
i'm going to spent all my energy on school, getting a job, and getting the right people in my life. these days, i feel like my time is flying away fast.
i realized recently that most of what i thought was true about dating and relationships and women was bullshit.
all there is to it is to be COOL and ESCALATE. Just do it. Lead lead lead. No overthinking. Men have been doing this for hundreds of years.
all my hookups and experiences with women, i got them because i was willing to OVERRIDE doubts and emotions and just do what a MAN naturally does. I was fun. I put my arm around her. I went for the kiss. I moved things along. It's SIMPLE.
the only issue is EMOTIONS. I used to let my emotions get the best of me and not try. If i had just TRIED, i would have gotten success with no doubt.
i learned the most from watching friends who were good, changing my attitude, and trying things that were uncomfortable/confusing at the time. it didn't feel like me? FUCK THAT. I WANT IT so I'LL GET IT.
Nowadays, I'll think... what should I say? then i'll snap out of it and realize i'm overthinking and that THE WORLD IS A LIGHT PLACE and i'm taking things too seriously. things are only a big deal in my mind. there are corrupt governments, starving people, wars... we live in a planet surrounded by what seems like infinite stars...
...and i'm here letting my doubts affect my happiness?
FUCK THAT. I JUST DO ME and I JUST DO IT.
from there, i get exp and see what i can do better next time. i keep it up until it becomes natural.
i'm going to cut off internet, tv, music, and other tech stimulation for an year so i can focus on the social/emotional part of my life. going to spend my enery on networking and bringing together the right people, making my business successful, and making myself into the man i want to be.
i'm not going to post here for a while because i want my life experiences to shape me, not text i read on a chatforum. it's taught me a lot, and led me in the right direction, but i need to do really get the experiences and live life.
I just read an article of a PU Coach about how after traveling for an year and doing hundreds of cold approaches, all her had to show for it was 2 long term friends. Everyone else were just acquaintances. The way to stability and emotionally satisfying relationships is through creating a social circle and meeting people through that. Meeting people who have similar interests as you. I'm in a college, which is a great way to meet people. I was fortunate to have gotten int oa social circle last year, and now all my long term friends are from there... I don't keep in touch with them as much as I should, but they really are my familty away from home. The people I can count on, the people who know me.
For a while, I kept thinking that I should cold approach and make better friends. But that was just an escape because I don't like confrontation. I should talk to this girl right now and I should re-connect with all the friends I've made in the past year, despite that they're not perfect. Don't get with the losers, but re-connect with everyone. Real friends are precious, they're like my support network. I met NONE of them thru cold approach. Cold approach is only good for exercising social muscles. My goal in this is to network and bright the right people together so it improves my life and theirs. So I can experience the love and connection and truly understand them.
It's not about validation or sex, it's about connecting with the person in front of me. I'm not going to play the superficial game. My goal for this semester to make as many long-term, meaningful relationships as I can, and to have a girlfriend that I love.
- The One
I really don't think i can keep up the daily writing, maybe weekly because all this time i have can be spent on studying, hw, writing stories, socializing, finding jobs. The more i get out and do things that challenge me, the more i leave the sheltered world and into understanding where i stand as a man. stop analyzing, and don't give a fuck. get out of character and be a MAN, get the positive reference experiences i need. This is my reality, and it's slipping away. Constantly stay in talkative mode all day.
That I don't deserve the best.
I'm the One. What can I learn from this? How can i make this fun? Let's see if they're cool enough to hang with the One.
-Aurelius aka The One
I'm going to write all the beliefs I have about myself, so that I have a conscious awareness and can change it. At least three a day.
I don't deserve to have the best
I'm not charismatic enough and I should wait for the right moment before I try
I should just watch instead of immerse myself in this experience
All the above beliefs are completely useless and bullshit. I have reframed them in my mind. If I keep this up, my belief system will radically change in time.
Continuing with my daily post commitment. I woke up feeling anxious after having a dream about one of the girls I'm talking to. I go to Korean class and try to pay attention but it's hard. I have to get used to concentrating my full attention on whatever task of have at hand and just immerse myself into it. That's why I'm going to start rapping as a hobby, I should never sit idle reading facebook statuses. Always be making things happen. Sharpen the mind, cultivate the consistent mindset I need for success. It takes discipline.
I hanged out with RichGuy and Indra, had some lunch. RichGuy has a cute girlfriend. He's a rich, laidback guy, not particulary charismatic, but with all that money... maybe he never saw the need to be. Whatever. He cares about his girl, and he goes out of his way for her. Enough said. My friend Wakeboarder is the same way. I used to think he was so AFC because he took her on expensive dates and bought her a $300 dollar ring for a month before sealing the deal. But he got it in, and they're together now. He spends all his free time with her, stays away from social circles b/c of the drama -- something I've been doing recently as well. I hang mainly with Indra and Dragonboat now. I no longer spend my time with the Cloud4 social circle. No need to, I have my own place.. I'm trying to make a life for myself.
I see how my friends with girlfriends.. RichGuy, Wake, and KidFare... they all spent all their free time with their girls and really go out of their way for their girls. They're caring. I don't have a girlfriend because I wasn't willing to do this with Nil, who really liked me, and just waited for me. I didn't chase girls. I would show interest if interest was shown to me, but never went out of my way. That's why she's doubting the relationship, because I didn't call her... if I want to be with her, then I have to go out of my way and call her and wine and dine her.... Playing hard to get and getting her jealous made her want me at first, but I can't make her my girlfriend by doing that. I have to do what makes my stomach churn and head dizzy. I have to show that I love and care for this girl that acts testy as hell when I try to reach out and talk to her. Shit man.
But I'm not mad, that's just the way it is... I don't see it as "failure".... in my mind, there's no such thing.. only Feedback. I don't despise Feedback. How else would I understand reality? Fair enough. It's cool yo. I see Nil today, she pretends to not see me so my reflex is to ignore her. That's not gonna get me any closer to being with her... but do I really want to? Do I want to be a boyfriend for the first time in my life? It would change my life forever... She's not the most stellar girl, I only want her because of the way I've built her up in my mind.... but that's everyone.
Pickup literature that I acquired actually holds me back b/c I have the mush of info in my head that doesn't apply to relationships... so everything I learn has to be from observing my friends who are in relationships right now. Show you care. Talk to her. Go out of your way. Make the moves. The most OBVIOUS shit. It's not hard at all. All I have to do is call and talk. Simple.
She shouldn't affect my reality. She's just a attention loving dorky girl. I should move through life as a man. The calm in the storm. It's my reality after all. I'm just going to be really nice to her when I see her and go on with my life. I have bigger things to worry about at this age then what a little girl thinks about me. This is the most critical period of my life when I need to be cultivating INTERNAL DISCIPLINE and ETHICS that will allow me to be successful for the rest of my life. Girls are just a distraction... yea love and connection is nice... but I have BIGGER things to do with my life. I'm going to remain a PLAYER right now until my mid-20's. There's TOO MUCH i have to do.
I havent been studying, I don't have a solid plans for next year, I have no future plans. Yeah I've met some cool people and realigned my social life and become stronger thru experience, but I need to be WORKING PROGRESSIVELY towards a LONGTERM GOAL. Fuck the instant gratification our culture promotes. I want to MAKE SOMETHING and BRING MY PASSION into it. I need to expand my knowledge and exercise my social muscles, but girls, parties, facebook are just ultimately distractions from my HIGHER CALLING.
I'm going to go catch up my studies and finish all my papers. Make definite plans for next year's living. Try to become a CA for UCenter. Plan out job fair meetups, clean up the resume, look for work. Call the family, plan out the week/month.
WORK HARD, PLAY HARD. LET'S GO BABY!!!!
wow i feel like shit right now. i was just chatting with one of my girls on skype, and i realized how in-my-head i was. i felt like i couldnt just be myself. i shouldnt have to being "doing anything" to get people to like me. there's no performance. i just "Do Me" and see where things go from there. yea, improve my verbal communication, develop humor. but i'll always be ME. im not replaceable and there's nobody like me. during the course of my day, i shouldn't be analyzing, i should be living MY life and shift thru what is useful to me and capitalize on it, and ignore anything that doesn't add to my reality.
we only get one short chance at this life. own your reality. seize the things you want for yourself but NOBODY is going to give it to you. experience all the cool and amazing things for yourself. stop living vicariously thru others on TV and your idols. fuck that, live the glory. make it worth it. wake up to the world around you. are you satisfied with the reality that is in front of you? my hunger for abundance overrides all my insecurities, fears, and limiting beliefs.
I don't feel like writing right now because I feel in my head and tired, but I will regardless. I go to the FIND conference on Friday and Saturday and I'm just hanging out with the boys, when I realize a couple things. First, was that I spent a lot of my life in my head, not because I like it but because I became used to it. Second, because I'd be so in my head, I'd be analyzing instead immersing myself in the moment. I was watching life, instead of living and projecting my own awesome reality. Now I can see things clearly. I'd be feeling bored, but then I start talking to my friends and joking around, and start high-fiving girls and doing cool stuff -- and then I leave my old reality behind. I become ME -- I'm cocky, playful, funny, interesting, witty -- I project WHO I AM. I let go of the social shell I became accustomed to, growing up as a shy, introverted kid... and become the man I'm supposed to be.
When I get into social mode - IN STATE - then I assert my reality. But I'm not always in STATE, and I can't rely on being in state. That's like Jordan needing to be in state to play a good game. He didn't, he became the best through CONSTANT REPITITION. Until he could execute excellence unconsciously.
So if REPITITION is the key, then that would mean I have to keep myself around guys who are good with women as well as other women, go out and have conversations with new women every single day (I should aim for at least 2 dates every single week), and public speaking/improv class. I already chill with friends everyday, but I need to start conversations with more girls around the campus. I need to set up a talk with this one girl who can be a possible girlfriend. I need to start attending toastmasters and look up improv classes.
With the belief that "My reality is the best place on earth", bring value to people.