Went out last night to this bar off college with MikeG and bumped into Jaq. We were just there chilling and after talkign with them about the Chinese girl that i saw last semester, they told me to just let her go. She was playing games for sure when she felt that i was a nice guy. i shouldnt have been so nice to her. I started to let her dictate the frame. i projected all these things on her. whatever. i deleted her number and facebook. gone from my life forever.
i was just listening and chatting a little bit. still in my head. i realized that i dont see things accurately when im holding back and watching everyone. i just have to act like the world is my playground and im here to have fun and take things lightly. it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks at any moment. i only know who i am and the friends i can trust and learn from. i have to focus on MY path, that's it, that's all i can manage. follow the path and things will be clear. these were the things going through my head when i was tipsy off corona beer.
stop watching and wating for a perfect moment. it'll never come. trust yourself and walk the path. enjoy the experience, life unfolding in front of you. embrace it and steer it the way you want to go. right now i'm at the computer lab, going to chill with Anchovie later. Ran into this girl i met at speed dating, should have kept talking and got her number.
Right now, i just have to stay hustling and aggressive, keep looking for jobs, training my mind to be positive and looking for solutions. i know what i want i just have to get it.
An old article by a PU teacher hits the nail on the head, talking about self-consciousness and social calibration.