Field Reports

 
spent time with my brother, who i haven't been able to see a lot recently. i used to revere him ina way because he's been with some beautiful girls. he's just himself, he's not rich or famous. he has a sense of humor, he's an engaging speaker, and he's clearly a strong guy. he went out with a celebrity a while back, which isn't a big deal, but this guy is so down-to-earth and real. he has his flaws, i don't want to ass kiss, but who doesn't?

i got lifted yesterday and a couple days ago and i realized that i spend a lot of time watching people and trying to figure out what they're thinking. i can't possible understand what's really going on or enjoy the interaction while im in this mindset. i'm in my head, thinking, while someone's trying to talk to me.

i have to be in the here and now, out of my head -- every moment. because there's no reason to be in my head. i like myself, i understand that i have value to offer others, and i have confidence in my reality. WHY would i have to retreat in my head? it makes NO logical sense.

i don't have to impress anyone. i used to think that i had to reach another level, but really, the more i go out and get exp, the more i recognize old bullshit beliefs that don't serve me, the more i peel away at the layers til i get to the core of who I am.....

......i'm going to be an open book and honest with everyone as much as a i can. when i feel that i have nothing to hide, and i'm already the person i want to be, then i can truly feel liberated and trust in myself.

As soon as exams are over, i'm going to spend the winter break doing PICKUP every single day. Work my job and keep my apartment. It's going to be WORK in the day, and PICKUP at night. For one month straight. No time for bullshit.

LET'S GET ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

- D One
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