Field Reports

 
This is a relationship report, not your typical lay report. I get laid every week now, I'm working on managing relationships, which comes down to being able to manage the emotions of others. I'm reading Daniel Goldman's Emotional Intelligence, which talks about managing emotions in detail. The dominant person in the relationship affects everyone else's emotions -- they FEEL how he feels.

For example, when my girlfriend sees me in a bad mood, she'll try and cheer me up, but when I'm not reacting, she's get upset. When I ask her why, she'll say that she feels bad when I look upset and she always feels like it's her fault. As the dominant person in the relationship, I'm maintaining the mood the relationship. I need to keep it where I want it to be -- Playful, Silly, Serious, etc. Emotions are contagious.

Last night, she was upset because she said that sometimes I joke around and say things that hurt her (I do go overboard sometimes) and she feels that she needs reassurance from me sometimes -- she feels like I only say "I love you" when I'm joking or when she says it first. She fears emotional pain more than physical pain and death. She's afraid of being emotionally hurt by me. Being the dominant entity, I need to make sure she feels the emotions of love and warmth when her mind is unsure and raw.

The reason I joke around and tease her a lot is because It's my way of self-amusing and keeping the interaction light and fun, plus I like to see her reaction. But there's a time to shift and be able to comfort and sweettalk her. It's TACKY to not be able to be vulnerable and comfort her with my voice and verbals -- it's an EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION. Actors are good at this. You can FEEL their emotions. Some people are natural actors, some aren't. It's an emotional skillset that invaluable in relationships.

Look at people around you who are popular, charismatic. What do they have that you don't? The ablility to emotionally lead people. People want to be around them because of the emotions and feelings that they get when they're around them. Pickup, Relationship Management are both EMOTIONAL SKILLSETS. This emotional intution can only be developed through repeated exposure and reference expeiences.

Sticking points auto-correct when you keep working on them. Just hanging out with my girlfriend and her group of girls and my friends fixes many of my sticking points. I try to stay away from reading too much, because it can hurt, but applying some theory may help steer you in the right direction.

I would recomment reading at the beginning of the week, Sunday, and practice during the week to eliminate the sticking point. Right now, my sticking point is in relationship management, and I've been in the relationship for 5 months now. She needs the feeling of reassurance and that I'm as invested and willing to sacrifice as much as she is.

My friend warned me the other day that if I'm not willing to invest in a serious relationship, just get out fast, because he was was a girl for long time and eventually had to leave her because of religion and family and she cut herself. It's an EMOTIONAL reaction that she had, which can't really be helped -- we're emotional creatures. Our brains evolved for us to live simple, short lives. Our decisions are primarliy emotion-based. In order to become efficient at handling relationships, we need emotional awarness.

I've made my decision to stick with this girl and go with the ups and downs.

-ANother thing, I realized that i dont take feedback very well. For now on, when she tells me something she would like to see changed just say "Cool, thanks for telling me." and work on it.
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