During my break,
Do social freedom exercise.
Approach 20 sets, don't eject until I have to.
I'm doing this everyday during my hour lunch break.
True self esteem and confidence is developed by setting goals and acheiving them.
- Become number 1 seller at my store
- Get jacked
- Become rousing public speaker
Habits to implement in order to attain goal
- Be a sales MACHINE. model the best. (5 days a week)
- Go to gym every day (7 days a week)
- Go to Toastmasters on my free days (2 days a week)
Start off day with social pressure drill:
2 min public speech
stand in X position 2 min
approach asking "is this the best street in ___?" and stay in 2 min minimum (approach at least 20 people)
Going to write down report here tomorrow...
I'm at work writing this right now...
I've been living with my girlfriend the past few months, working hard for my money, enjoying life. Having work that I hustle hard at makes me more FOCUSED and allows me to enjoy life better in general because I FEEL how each moment slips by and how my mind will resist reality sometimes but as long as I BOSS UP and own it I close the sale and see how all limitations and bullshit were just in my head.
I've been reading Tyler's posts and other high quality material on other sites, and I realize even if the information is on point, if I take it in at the WRONG time, it can affect my development, which should be as natural as possible. I'll see other guru's systems, and how it works for them, but if I try to implement, forgoing what I already know, it fucks me up.
I open 10 sets, if the set stalls walks off its because I'm not leading. If the set is unresponsive, escalate physically, go for a move. If I'm getting compliance then I'm good. If not, just move on to another set, there's hundreds of thousands here - i live in the city.
Need to get social intuition sharpened again.
I'm going to be hitting at least 20 approaches a day, 6 days a week, discluding social circle pickup.
This is a relationship report, not your typical lay report. I get laid every week now, I'm working on managing relationships, which comes down to being able to manage the emotions of others. I'm reading Daniel Goldman's Emotional Intelligence, which talks about managing emotions in detail. The dominant person in the relationship affects everyone else's emotions -- they FEEL how he feels.
For example, when my girlfriend sees me in a bad mood, she'll try and cheer me up, but when I'm not reacting, she's get upset. When I ask her why, she'll say that she feels bad when I look upset and she always feels like it's her fault. As the dominant person in the relationship, I'm maintaining the mood the relationship. I need to keep it where I want it to be -- Playful, Silly, Serious, etc. Emotions are contagious.
Last night, she was upset because she said that sometimes I joke around and say things that hurt her (I do go overboard sometimes) and she feels that she needs reassurance from me sometimes -- she feels like I only say "I love you" when I'm joking or when she says it first. She fears emotional pain more than physical pain and death. She's afraid of being emotionally hurt by me. Being the dominant entity, I need to make sure she feels the emotions of love and warmth when her mind is unsure and raw.
The reason I joke around and tease her a lot is because It's my way of self-amusing and keeping the interaction light and fun, plus I like to see her reaction. But there's a time to shift and be able to comfort and sweettalk her. It's TACKY to not be able to be vulnerable and comfort her with my voice and verbals -- it's an EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION. Actors are good at this. You can FEEL their emotions. Some people are natural actors, some aren't. It's an emotional skillset that invaluable in relationships.
Look at people around you who are popular, charismatic. What do they have that you don't? The ablility to emotionally lead people. People want to be around them because of the emotions and feelings that they get when they're around them. Pickup, Relationship Management are both EMOTIONAL SKILLSETS. This emotional intution can only be developed through repeated exposure and reference expeiences.
Sticking points auto-correct when you keep working on them. Just hanging out with my girlfriend and her group of girls and my friends fixes many of my sticking points. I try to stay away from reading too much, because it can hurt, but applying some theory may help steer you in the right direction.
I would recomment reading at the beginning of the week, Sunday, and practice during the week to eliminate the sticking point. Right now, my sticking point is in relationship management, and I've been in the relationship for 5 months now. She needs the feeling of reassurance and that I'm as invested and willing to sacrifice as much as she is.
My friend warned me the other day that if I'm not willing to invest in a serious relationship, just get out fast, because he was was a girl for long time and eventually had to leave her because of religion and family and she cut herself. It's an EMOTIONAL reaction that she had, which can't really be helped -- we're emotional creatures. Our brains evolved for us to live simple, short lives. Our decisions are primarliy emotion-based. In order to become efficient at handling relationships, we need emotional awarness.
I've made my decision to stick with this girl and go with the ups and downs.
-ANother thing, I realized that i dont take feedback very well. For now on, when she tells me something she would like to see changed just say "Cool, thanks for telling me." and work on it.
This field report is from almost a month ago, when I went to Hiro Ballroom with my wing.
I go up to a couple girls for the grind, a few are down. The players that frequent these parties (I saw one at Amnesia that I mention in my last FR) have this funny strategy of surrounding sets of girls and dancing with them. This actually works sometimes, the girls will dance with them when they have no choice (haha).
(Sidenote: The way I met my current girlfriend was by dancing with her and then isolating her later, lots of touch, lots of rapport, and some humor. She would ask me what my story was (she wanted rapport). I knew she was down because of the compliance i had from her. She would hold my hand and would lean in when I moved in.)
I get in on a girl who is down to dance and some kid pulls her away. I watch my wing go up to a bunch of girls to try and dance with them, the whole thing is just very amusing and we're having a lot of fun laughing. At one point I see this blonde cutie staring at me, even though there are these creepy philipino guys on her and her sister. I should have went for it, I'm thinking of Tyler's "LIAR LIAR LIAR!!" response to AMOGs (haha)
I was approaching really direct and went physical right away. The responses ranged, but I didn't care, I was self-amusing. I met friends that my wing met in the line, he was trying to get one of the girls that they came with so I talked to the guy for a while. We exchanged numbers. I noticed that my wing -- who doesn't know about the science of seduction, but has a lot of experience since he got laid at age 15 -- always goes in direct, gets physical fast, and has dominant subcommunications.
I probably approached 8 girls at Hiro. I felt great afterwards, having had so much fun and letting loose.
I need to approach like a machine (at LEAST 20 girls a day), and to develop emotional awarness (daniel goldman's emotional intelligence). Right now, I have a girlfriend I talk to everyday. I've learned a great deal through interacting with her, getting her feedback, meeting her friends, and learning from my friends (one of which has 4 fuckbuddies right now). Don't focus on pickup, focus on being WELL-ROUNDED (health, wealth, and relationships).
I'm doing this because I enjoy the process of learning about myself and others. Will keep posting field reports.
I was just about to delete this account and blog, but then I looked over at my old field reports and wow, I have a lot more than I thought I did. I have field reports dating back to 2008, when I was focusing heavily on tactics, trying to analyze everything too much. But it's just so funny how seriously I was taking it back then and how clearly I can see what's going on now because I have good reference experiences.
I posted some theory and esoteric stuff, but I the most informative posts (for me) were my field reports. I like having all my field reports together in one spot (I have a few recent ones on the CC forums). I should ONLY be posting field reports here, in my opnion, most theory floating around is either hogwash or inapplicable.
We learn through ACTION and FEEDBACK, not mental masterbation. So here's a field report. :)
So I'm at this club, my wing is already inside with his brother. Despite a social day at work, I even got a kiss on the cheek from this foxy co-worker of mine, I'm feeling out of state when I'm waiting in line at the club. (Solution: I just need to get into a convo right away. Get social again. I was getting in my head on the train ride there.)
I get in and meet up with my wing and other friends, which puts me in a better mood. I go and dance with a couple girls but they're not down. I dance with this really cute girl for a while before her friend pulls her away. She WANTED it, but her friend pulled her. Just needed my wing to occupy the friend.
I see my girlfiend's former roommate and tell her it's guys night out when she asks me where my girl is (haha). I see this girl I kissed back in April or March at Abella Lounge, who always goes to these parties. I got her number but never called her. I just act like I didn't see her. (I later found out some ugly guy that I know smashed her later that night)
I crash at over my wing's place and we go out the next day. Just hanging out with social guys is good for keeping you in a social state, which is useful. We head over to Amnesia in Queens, one of my wings talks to random people just to amuse himself, good idea. Inside the club, we're just hanging out for while. (should approach right away while in the line, be an approach MACHINE)
We start going in for dancefloor game, I dance with this brown haired girl that my promoter friend brought over. Im winging with promoter for a while, he'll just say hi to the girls, and say this is my friend, and i'll introduce myself. (At that point, I should make the girl laugh and isolate her to dance) I see my wing isolating BrownHair from earlier. Cool.
I come up on this cute nurse girl (it was halloween party) and she wont grind but will only dance with me arms length apart. I do this for while and then leave her. (These loud clubs really aren't ideal for talking. The best MO here would be to dress COOLER than anyone else, open almost every set like ratisse demos in T21C to build social proof, and then go for the pull. The best way to project value is VISUALLY. Then use the claw, and isolate.)
Eventually I come up this cute girl in white outfit, we're grinding hard and having a great time, until I lose her later on. I'm having the most FUN at this point, which is important. The fun, positive vibe that I carry into the interaction.
It's late, so I leave with my wings. I get back to my girlfriend's place and fuck her.
I'm focusing on my values right now, doing more meditation during mornign and night so I'm more focused and present during the course of the day. Taking a media fast has been great, my mind is more focused and less cluttered -- everyone should try this.
I just read Owen's Free Tour 3 article -- he talks about how society puts us in a trance in which we think accumulating resources is going to make us happy.. not only that but we're ALL in a trance, some of more FUN than others.
I thought about this and realized the truth in it. Life is THIS MOMENT, NOW. Just BEING alive should be blissful itself. If you don't get this then I highly recommend listening to Tony Parsons on youtube.
I'm completely content and happy with my life at the moment, even though there are cool experiences I want to have. I still want to meet and learn from many people, and make money for my family, and learn martial arts -- but those are just activities that I've decided to take up my time.
What's REALLY important is for me to LIVE my life CONSCIOUSLY... and take the time to smell the roses.
I hope this helps, now I have to get back to loving up my girlfriend.
At this point in my life, I know exactly what I value. This is how I prioritize them:
Health - Plant-based diet, moderate physical exercise
Family - keep in close contact
Work - exceed sales goals, start up company
Game - weight lifting, approaching, comedy, hanging out with naturals
Stick to habits, focus only on my values.
Move out to Brooklyn with the girlfriend ASAP.
Reading Jed MCkenna's book kind of ended my search for meaning. Meaning is something i establish for myself. I create my own values that I live up to, which makes me fulfilled. Focus on my reality, and enjoy it.