ArturoBandini's Blog

ArturoBandini
 
I AM GONA COME BACK AND EDIT THIS DOWN SOON ITS WAY TOO LONG!

A couple of weekends ago I had one of those uber amazing nights that Tyler talks about, where you feel like an unstopable game monster. I was the most in state I have ever been. I was approaching mixed sets that I would never usually try and girls way hotter than I would usually hit on. The guys that I go out with were amazed and said how much of a boss I was being.

When I woke up the next day, all of the things I usually worry about or feel hold me back - what Tony Robbins calls inner conflicts - just didn’t feel real anymore, they weren’t there (which makes me think, maybe they're not).

The night was amazing because I was present to the moment just enjoying every interaction, laughing manically after each set and just having a ball.

Next weekend I was really amped up but when friday came I ended up having a kinda crappy out of state night and the reason was because I wanted a result - I wanted that amazing feeling again. So I can totally relate to what Tyler talks about in his recent videos on being process rather than results orientated, as well as his six steps to have a consistently killer night.

So this lead me to thinking that if a six step process is the answer to getting into state and enjoying the moment, which is absolutely vital in success in everything then where else could I apply this?

Well I think my social skills took a nosedive and never fully recovered around the time I was at college. I’m not gona dwell on it because until I found pick up, self development and the ideology for how to live your life that Tyler promotes that’s exactly what I did: dwell on it. I was just living in the past.

But briefly, it was a mixture of getting picked on pretty badly by this guy I used to be friends with which knocked my confidence and then smoking way too much cannabis and getting addicted to porn. Those things combined, plus a really bad way of seeing the world that I inherited from my mum (and she inherited from her mum), to make me kind of loose control of my mind for a while and tipped me over into this massive socially phobic state full of uncomfortable thoughts. I would create weird sexual tension with every girl I met because of all the porn (which didn’t go down that well with their boyfriends I can tell you!), create weird needy tension with most of the guys because of the weed and the bullying and generally just socially kicked myself in the balls.

I was a mess.

Anyway... so since then I have still got some social anxiety. Im not that great at holding eye contact, and I am constantly monitoring myself rather than being in the moment. But I think Tyler's six step process could be adapted to be a really good cure for social anxiety. Rather than focusing on how well the interaction is going or how relaxed or comfortable you feel, looking at how well you are measuring up to your own criteria for success and meeting a set series of rules that you follow for every interaction.

I think it could even be combined with some of techniques in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People (and I am sure there are other good books I haven’t read that someone could suggest) to be a truely epic way of turn someone from being a little socially awkward into a dangerously capable social butterfly. Like game but for social situations.

Social proof is massively important to both girls and guys when picking a mate.

I have a friend who is really tall and good-looking, a total natural (and all the lame corrosive validation seeking addiction that comes with it). One time I was out gaming these girls and he saw me out and came up to me and leant down (I am Style’s height - 5'6 for christ's sake!) gave me a massive hug and said something along the lines of "I love this guy, Arturo is THA MAN."

The way that the girls looked at me right after that was completely different. Social proof is massively important.

So anyway, these are Tyler's six steps.

1) Open all
2) Minimize time in between each interaction
3) Never judge yourself
4) Have fun and find something funny in every interaction
5) Keep it short and sweet early on in the night and then burn it to the ground later
6) Keep building on every interaction and pull when you see the opportunity

And here's a first draft of my version. If anyone reading this has any suggestions or criticism please drop me a comment.

I am going to try to implement this throughout my day and where possible in every interaction I have - work, friends and most importantly obstacles.


1) When someone tells you their name straight away make a joke about it or find some funny way to remember it. As Dale Carnegie says “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

2) Talk to everyone - This is a simple parallel of Tyler’s open all rule but could be used quite differently and have quite different effects. For example there is always some lower status person who you might want to avoid talking to. There is this lady at work who looks weird so I never say hi, I bet if I spoke to her it would do me good in someway.

In fact by not speaking to certain people you probably cause yourself to be subtly stifled. A problem I can foresee is that particularly low status people can be incredibly needy and once you open up to them a little bit they can be difficult to get rid of. I know myself that I have a big heart and I find it difficult to draw line with people like that (something to work on).

The other side of the coin however is that you have to speak to the high status people as well. A benefit to this that I can instantly see is that it will start to erode social fears and nervousness, that ‘I am not enough feeling.’ For example, again at work, there is this total babe, and I never talk to her and just get nervous when she is around. I know that sounds stupid on a place like RSD but because I am in work and there are other social conventions I feel inhibited. But I really should talk to her, even subtly flirt with her, it does me no good by not doing it – again leading me to feel stifled. Talk to everyone.


2) Wish them well. While you talk to them, or while it is their turn to talk wish for the other person's happiness and send them loving kindness (I will make a post soon on the metta bhavana / loving kindness mediation so please check that out). I am sure he is aware about it but I cant believe Tyler doesnt talk about this meditation as part of his ethos of 'being good at game is about being good at generating your own positive emotions’) You should try to always want the best outcome for people, not getting tied up in feelings of self-promotion at their expense. For example I have a friend who isn’t into the game, he can be such a shitty friend, but he is an old one, and I know its because deep down he is not happy. Well sometimes I think I should help him and other times I think I should just let him carry on down the wrong path. I need to try my best to rid myself of those egotistical feelings.

2) Take a genuine and health interest in the other person, ask them questions about themselves.
3) Give honest and sincere appreciation, praise and make them feel important.
4) Talk about the subjects that other people want to talk about or as Carnegie puts it “Talking in terms of the other person’s interests.”
4) give a person a fine reputation to live up to. or as Dale Carnegie calls it “give a dog a good name.” Also do a nice accomplishment introduction for people when you introduce them, just don’t go too over board.
5) Include people and bring people into the group – kind of like the social hub technique that Tyler talks about but at a party or the pub.
6) – Last one duno yet.


I also have written one for my writing

Writing process
1) begin writing and don’t stop to reread until its finished and you have said everything you can think of.
2) Write the end first.
3) When you get near the end don’t stop, just bash it out! Keep going till its done.
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