Articuno76's Blog

 
The field in this case was a restaurant.  A party of 20 or so people.  I ended up with people that were having a conversation quite frankly about nothing,  Moreover the guy leading the conversation came off to me as an alpha-narcissitic prick.  He probably wasn't but the fact that the conversation was really shallow irritated me.   Now I don't expect people to talk about philosophy or something, but I at least expect something real.  This guy was like "Wow my neck is itchy! I've been so itchy recently, it must be the weather"...to which everyone enthuasistically agreed.  It seemed that no matter what mundane completely inane thing he said...everyone enjoyed it...it irritated me to no end as this guy was not in the least interesting.  Moreoever he had no real charisma to speak of.  If he did then I could understand why people would enjoy listening to him spout nonsense.

The worst part of it was that I LET this negative mood bother me.  Even when other people came around to talk to me, or the staff asked me if I was OK, I basically snapped or ignored them.  Thus ended my 3 month feeling of being on a high.  I realised my self-esteem was more fragile than I thought and still needs bolstering.  10 minutes of sitting around in a dead-end conversation and it all went woosh down the toilet. lol.
 
I was also dismayed to find that my vocal training seemed wasted as I got plenty of "What?" that night.   I guess this means I have to go two levels louder and practice some more.  I suppose it isn't wasted though, cos if I hadn't done it I would have to now work 4 levels higher rather than 2, 

I suppose next time I feel state slipping, I should ask myself, "what do I want in this situation?" "I want for the conversation to be interesting", then when the chance does come to speak I won't be in my head and ruining potential chances at salvaging an evening.

I also ran into someone else that had people laughing all the time.  He would laugh and say "look at this terrible picture I took on the camera".  All the people around him laughed (even though half of them could not have seen what he was showing on his camera because of the way they were seated...).  Moreover this guy had a very quiet voice (I could barely make out what he was saying).  And yet he was making people laugh from the other side of the table...I really couldn't make heads or tails over how he was doing it.  There is some kind of state transferrence happening here, but I don't really see how it is being achieved.
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#1
William-h-bonney

William-h-bonney

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Join Date: 05/04/2011 | Posts: 823

Be the party don't be a spectator dude,if you were having your own fun you would not have noticed any of that shit. People are nice and even if a guy tells a joke and it's not funny they may humour him to feel good and keep a nice positive vibe around the table. Don't over analyse and don't let this pick up stuff fuck you up.
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#2

Articuno76

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Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 41

I suppose the difficulty I had here was also the language barrier.  Although I could understand what they were saying I am not proficient enough to participate in that conversation. 

That new paradigm of communication I learnt last night (shallow topics that change frequently based on minute personal observations) was also new to me, and it messed with my reality of how a conversation should go down, which is most likely why I was like "WTF is this?!".

The other thing that bothered me was that the guy was really alpha.  Every thing I would ask him would end with a short, dismissal reply, essentially killing conversation.  I got out-alphed...but a guy I am pretty sure is gay...

However the phrase that comes to mind here is "Don't hate the player, hate the game".  I should learn from him and then move on.  In fact "Don' hate" would be an even better slogan.

You are right about the 'be the party mind-set' though.  I learnt that night that part of me is very ego-tistical and only enjoys itself when I am central to conversation.

My mind set that night was totally fucked up.  I basically called the guy out and said "C'mon! This is bullshit!".  I was totally exasperated that anyone would even entertain listening to this guy.  It felt like I was the only one in the room seeing through this guys' bag of cheap-conversation tricks.  Of course the fact I am thinking this way (such a negative way) is in an of itself a problem.  Conversation isn't a competition, and although it is an art there are a lot of ways this art can be born; not just in the limited number of ways in which I have created conversation thus far.

EDIT: Just read an article on askmen.com about role-models.  If I am an unwittingly a role-model to those around me (well, I suppose it isn't unwittingly now that I am self-concious of it), what I will do is ask myself "Do I want other people to behave in the way I am behaving?  Do I want my (future) children to be like this?".  When I think that way my behaviour at times seems really shameful and immature.  I need to step up and set an example because whether they know it or not, people in my life around me are influenced by me.

EDIT 2:  I also noticed this person was someone who knew me from a long time ago, back when I was even more messed up and negative than I am now (I am at least able to reframe events postively post-fact now, whereas before I would think over them again and again and build them up into terrible phantom problems).  If this person is shrugging me off because he remembers what a negative energy drain/vibe killer I was (and to a lesser extent, still am), then how could I possible begrudge him?  Surely his attitude is one we should aspire to (hang around those people you grow around, don't waste time with those who drag you down)?
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#3
William-h-bonney

William-h-bonney

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/04/2011 | Posts: 823

You made a good point, a good question to ask yourself is would I like to hang out with myself?

A valuable thing to understand is that value comes first,you could say the most funny things but if you don't have value to those people in that situation there will not entertain you at all! This guy probably has high status in the group so even if what he says is retarded the people around him dig it because he has value.

Try not make things heavy don't get me wrong sometimes I will be hanging out and a guy will try to amog me and it will piss me off, even more so now I understand social dynamics on a quite high level.once I was in set and my freind came over and snatched a ciggerette out of my mouth and wouldn't give it back, I gave him the hardest body shot I could and dropped him on the floor! Because I know social dynamics I could see what it was doing to my set and I over reacted big time! (were freinds again now)

You sound like your really trying to be a value offering guy so cut yourself some slack,you need to love yourself, you need to think you are the coolest guy in the world.... A champion.

Maybe next time your in the same situation focus on a little cutie sitting next to you at the table and just have fun with her.Fuck them homo chodes

Peace dude
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#4

Articuno76

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 41

Will, I really wish this site had a 'Like This' function like Facebook does because that sums up how I feel about your post.
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#5
William-h-bonney

William-h-bonney

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Join Date: 05/04/2011 | Posts: 823

:-) cool dude I hope this helps.
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