Articuno76's Blog

 
One thing in the PU community that I have heard time and time again is the distinction between the high and low risk approach.  The low risk approach being approaching meekly or taking a long time to approach which essentially conveys a lack of purpose and confidence.

The other day I ran into a cute girl in the library.  I say 'ran into', it was more like I perved over from a distance for 20 minutes *cue heavy breathing*.  I left the library without even talking to her.  Then something inside me told me to go back and open.  So I did.  I went in with a "Did you see a pair of headphones around here?" thing.  We look around a bit for some imaginary headphones and then I see she is watching something on her computer.  We talk a bit about how bizzarre the dances people are doing.  At that point though I keep getting the "I need to study" schtick.   Fair enough.  I leave.  Generally speaking I was happy that I actually did it, even if it was a terrible approach. 

The important thing I learnt here is that hovering over people or not going in direct makes them uncomfortable.  Now I'm aware of it I can feel it, even see it in other people's eyes.  It's that uncomfortable look where they feel "what does this guy want?".  You can even see the other person's feelings change in real-time.

Now today I tried things differently. I tried talking from deeper in my chest (something I am getting better at with a bit of singing in the shower practice).  I walk in direct with strong 'hey's.  This works great.  I don't get ignored or swept aside. However I find I run into other problems.  They are
1. I may speak too fast for some non-native speakers of English (this is most likely because I feel I have to keep things going without a gap or they will fall apart)

2. Asking people questions in a resume style manner is a bad idea.  Especially if they are people from countries where they like to keep personal information to themselves (very much the case with Chinese people).

The first issue is easy to resolve.  Speak slowly.  This even buys me more time to be selective in what I say and convey calmness. Calmess as opposed to a 'GAAAAAH! Like me, like me like me like me!!'-tirade of never-ending word-tricks and bits.  If anything, I might simply be too verbal.

Now this ties into the second bit.  Instead of asking these questions, how about not asking questions at all and giving a funny bit of info about myself.  For instance "Hey! What's up.  You eating the cookies they left out?  Yeah?  My favourite three foods are x, y and z" for reasons "x, y and z".  Of course the reasons would all be absurd or at least interesting.  Feasibly you could do the same with movies, or what have you.  Heck, even one example would be fine in lieu of three.

At the moment, rather than approaching like the sex-worthy guy I might be coming across instead as the 'self-entitled tax-man'.  I come over all confident, kick their door down and then ask them all about their personal details.  We need to edge closer to the point where it's like a loud knock on their door from the cool friend that lives next door. 

I've also noticed that when there are many other people to talk to around, people (not just women) are extremely fickle with their conversation partners.  There only needs to be a 5 second window of awkwardness between the participants for them to wander off, often with little or no explanation.  This, happens even during the day outside of clubs and bars (For instance, at 'coffee and tea' sessions organised for international students).  The flipside of the coin is that I can do the same.  I can't count the number of times I engage someone and they turn out to be so unintellegibly drunk (or insane.  I can't tell) that I end up just becoming more and more unconfortable and yet feeling unable to get away from the conversation.  In theory, I can walk away from those dead-end conversations now with relative ease.

Oh and guys?  A prom in a few days time.  Never been to one, I'm part terrified and part excited.  But hey, part excited is better than just plain terrified, right?
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#1
Lenski

Lenski

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/05/2010 | Posts: 368

i like what you're thinking about.

on the initial opening yes you do need to be loud and clear, and speaking slowly is great.

One problem i had with tryingto modify my voice was that it got me more into my head. Speaking louder is the key, not trying to deepen it. When you speak louder your vocal chords get a bit of a work out and it is my unscientific opinion that it is deepened just by doing that. Speaking from the chest. I think that's what you said. good man. Don't try and deepen just make it louder and from the chest.

keep it up
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