Articuno76's Blog

 
It is hard to say what exactly happened,  After 3 or so weeks of getting attraction I found I just stopped going out.  Not having money to go out was one of the main reasons.  I've been looking for work.  The interesting thing about looking for work is you sit at home all day sending off your details to prospective employers and slowly begin to feel increasingly useless as no one replies.  At some point you go out and try to approach again and find you are at square 1 again.  So I went back to basics and started with the Blueprint again (it's eye-opening in a different way the second time).

Today I had a rather uplifting seminar on the work side of things as well.  Factor in the brand spanking new suit and shoes and I felt amazing.  Of course we aren't supposed to rely on crutches like a new pair of clothes, the reason I mention the clothes isn't because they helped me with pick-up...it's because they helped me with inner-game.  Allow me to explain.

Today after feeling good I made two approaches.  Neither closed.  But that's fine, I feel euphoric from having gotten myself to just go do them.  So what happened?

Approach 1:
I approached two girls coming towards me.  One was busily chatting on her phone, and the other one was my mark.  I walked up to her, said 'hey' and tried to grab her left arm (using my right), this led to weird cross-arm situation for me which reeked of bad posture.  The girl shrugged me off with an 'eww'.  My posture here could be better, but moreover I ignored the girl on the phone and treated the mark in isolation of her friend...bad idea.  At this point I was just happy I'd approached so I felt good.

Approach 2:
Now the second girl was interesting.  I saw her enter a store nearby and followed her in.  She didn't seem like the kind of attractive girl that has many guys ask her out (but still falls into one of my 'types').  I said hey, she looked...I just stared at her eyes...trying to see if I could embarrass her...told her she was cute (with certain girls the combination of staring and saying this really embarrasses them, it's so cute!).  She smiled but the conversation didn't have the tension it needed to.  I asked for her number and she gave me the usual about not having a phone, not remembering her number and not owning a phone (Really? All three? lol).  The thing is that after that I just continued and started getting an interesting conversation.  Then her friends ran into her at the store (by coincidence).  At this point I withdrew and walked off.

What could have gone better here was I could have vibed more before asking for the number.  Secondly I could have simply asked for her number again later on when the interaction was going better (or some other form of contact info).  Lastly it would have looked very confident if I had continued once her friends arrived (talking to them in a friendly way would have been good).  

What did I learn?:
It was this last approach that really opened my eyes though.  I was dressed like a million-bucks and looked good, she was...whatmost guys would call 'erring on the side of ugly' and dressed rather down (even 'down' by most daytime standards).  I don't think this was a girl that gets much male attention.   

Now contrast this with my first night going out.  I got great vibes from a girl (who was still desperately trying to qualify herself to me after I rudely told her 'You're boring.  Go away'...in fact after I told her that she tried more desperately to be liked).  That night I was dressed in jeans and a cardigan...with a massive beer stain down my arm (someone spilled their drink on me that night).  There I was smelling like piss (let's face it, beer and piss don't smell radically different, and neither one is a flattering scent) and looking like crap...and this girl couldn't get enough of me.  On the other hand today I had a pretty ugly girl who rejected my advances.

Suddently what I've been learning in theory made so much sense.  Girls don't care about the way I look all that much.  Or at least they don't until they already sort of like me.  Moreover how good looking the girl is, is irrelevant for the most part.  Girls who don't get male attention (probably the same girls that always complain about not having a boyfriend) won't go with a guy they don't feel a pull or attraction for unless they are EXTREMELY desperate (and those girls probably actually FEEL more attracted to most men, or impose qualities on most men that they don't really possess which leads to attraction) .  I walked away today happy that it was my approach that had been rejected.  Not my looks (which were super sharp!) and not me.

It may only be two approaches, but after not doing this for so long I feel invigorated and I feel I've grown slightly thicker skin.

On another note I am going to start playing football (soccer) tomorrow with the social team at my local gym.  I'm not really the athletic type but I feel amped to participate in a sport.  Sure the games are only an hour and not the full 90 minutes, but tbh you have to start somewhere, so why not here?

The lesson I've taken away from all of this is that a leak of confidence in one area of your life (such as being unable to find work) can affect your confidence in other areas such as approach. Or at least it affects me.  I need to work on that.
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Comments

#1

drREIP

Junior Member

Join Date: 09/29/2011 | Posts: 13

So true man...  Ysterday I was on a date with a girl I met online. She got blond dreadlocks, pink ruber shoes,  multiple tatoos on her earcups(wtf?) So anyways I see her and in my mind I go : ok.. at least she's not a guy, I'd maybe do her  lol.
After an hour of our meeting I was going home thinking '' wtf was that?'' in my head. She was so bitchy and compleley disagree on any opinion i threw out at her. And the whole time I was kindda nice to her..
Anyways now that I think about it I belive it's just her insecurites and my dishonesty. Because she looks like gorilla  Lady Gaga . My scarcity mindset made me go for her I guess but its a good lesson :)
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#2

Articuno76

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 41

I think you were smart in that you didn't pursue someone who clearly turned you off.  Some guys keep going because they feel they have no choice.
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#3
dynamoh

dynamoh

Member

Join Date: 04/25/2007 | Posts: 28

 sweet info, its great when principles are internalized and when you know you are enough, it really helps.
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