Hi guys, this blog isn't so much about change in character with regards to pick-up as it is about change in life-circumstances: Tomorrow I fly out of England to India, where I will work for the next few years. As if that isn't a big enough change it will also be my first time as a working adult and I will finally once again have the chance to live away from my parents. Of course this will offer me many chances for growth, that and being in an environment where no-one knows me means no pressure to conform to a concept of myself that someone else has created. In a way it is like being born anew.
Of course the different cultural rules and expectations will impact pick-up. For some reason I get the feeling that things are going to work perfectly in my favour. It is baseless assumption for sure, but I feel a lot better going in feeling like things are going to work out rather than going to pieces over it. From now on this blog will double as a pick-up and personal growth blog, this will include revelations I will have about myself, and what I learn about the foreign.
What is the enigmatic entity known as Umbrella Penis and how did it come to be? Read on and you shall find out.
Tonight I went out expecting rain (it has been raining pretty much on-and-off for two weeks now). I took my umbrella with me only to find it dry out. This meant I was the 'that with the umbrella' who stood out in the bar crammed with hot girls in tight dresses. So I made the best of a bad situation :P
I took the umbrella between my legs and introduced girls to Umbrella Penis. And so Umbrella Penis was born.
I would get girls to touch it. The best bit is the handle of the umbrella moved up and down in a pumping action...which was great fun for when I got random girls to jerk off my Umbrella Penis. Some girls were so into it that instead them being embarassed by it, I started getting flustered! Ahaha.
Not everyone has a sense of humour though. I approached two girls and they gave me a massive blanking. They didn't speak up but they seemed to be mumbling something about me going away (I think). I decided to stick around as hearing this is old hat. Sometimes you need to persevere. Anyway, Umbrella Penis had been a hoot so far so why would it not work now? So I continued talking. That's when a muscle-man guy got all up in my face about it. I didn't realise the guy was part of the set (when I approached he was just checking his phone and didn't seem to be with anyone). He got aggressive with me saying things like "What do you want, MATE?". I honestly didn't know how to handle the situation so I decided to just talk to the guy as if he had said something friendly instead. This didn't work. Instead he gotten even closer (enough to touch noses) and said the sames things again. Louder this time. His spittle was flying in my face and he smelled distinctly of marijuana. At this point my friend how had been watching walking in, put an arm around my shoulder and pivoted me smoothly away from that situation.
In retrospect I realised I was nowhere near afraid enough considering he might have gotten violent. Then again maybe he wouldn't have actually gotten violent at all and I handled it well? I dunno. What I do know is that from my friend's perspective it didn't look like I was being at all bothered by the guy. And that meant a lot to me.
I've noticed that after going out on a night with only Pepsi and Hot Chocolate to fuel me I get exactly the same high (and come out with exactly the same shit) that I do when I'm drunk. I guess it is more about mindset and such. I think what helped on Friday was that I felt like being sociable and started opening early with simple 'Hi, how is your evening' conversations. These were simply to get me to be talkative.
I found I could still come up with great things like this even without alcohol;
Me; Wow, you're really tall. What are you??
Me: 5'10, uh-huh, so how much of you is heel and how much of you is woman?
Girl: I'm 5'7 without them
Me: So you're 90% woman and 10% plastic then?
Her friend: you should see what she did with her boobs!!
(her friends start teasing her and she gets all flustered. We all laugh).
Of course I know full well that I can do this without alcohol. I've done it before. What I didn't know was that I could feel so drunk (even the sense of feeling slightly 'out of your body' that comes with being drunk) without touching any alcohol at all. I guess it is what you call a natural high? I dunno. What I do know is I want to be in that state of mind far more often.
I went out last night for the first time in about a month and it went horribly :P!!
Ahaha, I guess this happens sometimes. For one thing I think I drank too much (I was getting clumsy to the point where I walked into a see-through wall in a club and at another point I spilled my drink on myself). I think I will lay off the drink for now.
Anyway, I approached that night wanting to try a new opener; asking girls what they thought about my female friend who had a thing for ‘collarbones’ (I only like to use canned material like this when it’s inspired by real-life conversations, that is to say I like to recycle content that I used in a conversation spontaneously and found was a hit. It’s canned, but at least I feel there is some of me in it). I found that out of the 10-12 sets I approached that night (I felt like I’d approached everyone that night, young/old, mixed, guys, girls, hot girls, ugly girls etc) only 2 said they thought collarbones could be considered hot (I called those girls ‘collar-boners’…ahahaha).
Anyway, I had trouble last night because my voice would keep dropping out. I got a lot of people saying ‘what?’ or ‘I can’t hear you’. Oddly enough this hasn’t happened in ages. Maybe I can just chalk this up to being out of practice, or maybe I am coming down with something.
Some of the approaches I made I think creeped some girls out (to be honest what I was talking about could easily be taken as creepy if I myself am taken as creepy). I don’t know why but the whole night I just felt off…and that was before the alcohol had taken its effect.
Even when things were going well I was getting in my own way, for instance, I told a girl ‘wow, you’re really shiny!’ (in reference to her shiny dress). She lit up and said ‘thanks!!’ at which point I said ‘Oh no, it’s not a compliment! I’m just making an observation here!’. You could see how saying that could have been a great thing to say and potentially really funny, but in my off state it came of as try-hardy and really lame.
I don’t feel too torn up about the whole night because if anything I approached more varieties of groups than I ever have. In fact I approached a massive group (12 people) easily. They were out after work and I just started talking to some of the guys, then the girls, then everybody. I was in and out with what could be considered ‘a hard set’. The truth is a large set is in many ways easier because you have more potential angles to get in from. I know full well that last night wasn’t a true representation of myself because I’ve done better in the past (in fact even my average is better than that. Normally I’ll try 5 sets, open 3-4 and get 1-2 going pretty decently) and so I can take away some experiences from it.
Most of my best experience has been in clubs so far so in a way it makes sense that the amount of energy (and sheer crazy) might simply be too much for classy bars (which are most of the places we haunt these days). A much more calm ‘hi, how is your evening going ladies? Uh-huh, yeah? Us too, we’re going to Ludo later, love the chairs in that place you know’ would probably work better for me than the louder shenanigans I’ve been doing as of late.
Hopefully next week I will be more calm and in the zone.
Over and out.
I was recently listening to David D's 'On being a man that naturally attracts women'. He talks a lot about father relationships. You know I feel a lot of my trouble with women (and being social in general) comes from being raised by an aggressive man-child. That might get you places in the world when you are 6ft, but when your size genes are from the mother's side and you are only 5'1, no one takes your temper tantrums seriously. In effect I felt like I have to retrain myself in all areas of my social life (loudness of voice (I dared not raise my voice in our home for fear of reprisal and violence), I have to learn not to always antagonising people (put downs where very common in our household) and so on) in a bid to undo all the damage of the last 20 or so years.
This all came to a head today, I had a massive fight with my Dad which came from some really tiny words. He asked me if I was the can I was opening was a can of tuna, I hate these questions. See my Dad, bless his heart, is hopelessly socially retarded when speaking to his sons, he has a sense of estrangement which makes it hard for him to naturally talk to us, so instead he contrives pointless conversations like these. I know that if I say anything the conversation will end with me being made to feel stupid or having to put up with my dad's terrible sense of humour...gah...so I normally just stay silent and keep my head down until he leaves...but this time I snapped and said 'what?'...and which point he went bonkers: What what?! What's wrong with you?! Why can't you just answer a simple question?!
He was flying off the handle and letting out what seemed like years of repressed rage and and random insults...then effectively kicked me out of the house (ah...unemployed AND homeless!).
Now, I'm not angry. Over the years I've come to see him as a lonely man who has a lot of misplaced anger. I understand how frustrating it can be when you are an angry dude feeling angrier all the time because the world is running away from you. I used to be one fucked up angry guy myself and made months of effort to change that.
I'm writing up write now all the issues I have with my Dad and examples I can remember of it. I am refining the list and am gonna sit down and just listen to him (not make any points of my own on that day, make no justifications either). But am going to lay down the following ground rules:
No accusational venacular (parasite, bad father, useless! stupid cunt! etc;)
Without these ground rules no one is going to feel understood and in the end it will all be a shouting contest with no effective conclusion.
You know maybe this is the big chance I've been waiting for? I might finally be able to get years of repressed anger and frustration out of our relationship. This might possibly be the biggest single chance I had to improve my confidence and self-esteem on a very fundemental level.
OK. Short blog. Went out with some PUAs, place was empty and we ended up talking about 'death' (don't ask...). Before we got ourselves all depressed though I opened a set trying to use 'mundane game'. That is talking about a boring thing, with a lot of enthusiasm.
I opened a girl near the bar. I just started saying 'You know...I took the bus here today'...and then kept uttering gibberish. It went well, she was really friendly and receptive. I guess I need to try this a little more. In some contexts at least making mundane game/small talk is actually really effective. All I need is the right frame of mind behind those words to power them into something that conveys my best parts.
My friend is coming on Friday and we will be doing a 3 day Game-BINGE!! Can't wait!!
I talked to a crazy woman on the bus today, she kept saying my accent sounds kind of Americany. 'Americans use bombs to blow up buses, I saw something about it on the TV, but I don't watch the TV anymore cos it doesn't talk to me'....right....still this gave me plenty to talk about that evening. I asked most sets where they were from or if they were from the Midlands like me, that way they could assess my accent. I also opened some asian girls so I asked them about gift ideas for Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). The groups were as follows:
Set 1: 4 Indian girls (from local area)
I asked them about my accent. Talked about the crazy lady. We were waiting for ages for drinks so the girls moved to get a better spot at the bar. The conversation went down very well though. I didn't notice any attraction happening but it was a genuinely enjoyable exchange for both of us.
Set 2: 2 girls and a guy (All Malaysian)
I asked them about Spring Festival gifts. We joked about some ideas, then asked about my accent. It ended in that weird limp way that many sets do...they are fun/pleasant exchanges and then they fizzle out and I walk off after excusing myself...I need to work on that.
THIS IS A STICKING POINT! Should I keep going? I am not sure, it feels like I can...and it feels even like I am expected to...hmm.
Set 3: 3 girls from Hong Kong
I talked to these about Spring Festival ideas. We joked a bit about how to propose to people in Chinese culture. Then their two friends came up. I told them me and my friends were going to a certain place and asked for her number. She turned out to be a tourist who had no phone number (I got the impression it was a legit excuse because she mentioned that earlier on in the conversation...still I think there was something I could have done).
Set 4: 1 girl (her friend left for the bathroom)
I saw my friend open with 'what's 5x6?' Such an obvious question that most people are taken aback when asked about it. So I thought, what the hell?! You can open with anything right? After that we talked about everything. I tried a little cold reading...thing was I was trying to do a bit of everything without any real focus. Body language also not good (I was leaning in a lot). She wouldn't give me her hand for a hand shake (this happens a lot!!). In the end I could have kept going and going but it didn't feel like anything was happening.
I had a short night (only about an hour out), but I feel happy that I did all these sets without feeling anxious, and I did it without alcohol. On the other hand I feel like I am approaching with such low expectations that I often don't close or am not 'playing to win'.
In other news this middle-eastern guy brought me a drink...then offered to by me another drink later on...there is something about me that makes me a target for gay middle-eastern men and I'll never quite know what it is.
Also I think 4 sets in one night is not really enough. You need more than that to really get a feel for which openers work and which ones don't.
So I went out again this week on Friday with my PUA friends. Scratch that, I think it is safe to call them just 'my friends' now. Anyway, I did several approaches that evening. It was quite intense on me because I haven't done this in so long. Some of the sets were pre-opened and I was introduced into them, some we opened as a group. A few I opened on my own too. I should point out at first that I have a killer new look: I started wearing contacts. I love how even the tiniest movement my eyes or mouth can give me a completely different edge, from cheeky to cocky to mischievous. When I wear glasses my entire look is focused around them, so I have trouble giving off different vibes. With contacts though the slightest chance of expression leads to a completely different personality being conveyed…at least that is who I feel about myself. Combined with seeing results in the gym and I am really feeling good about my body these days. I brought a book on self-esteem (The six-pillars of self-esteem)…but I am not sure I need it anymore. I think I will read it out of interest if nothing else though.
I also wore some clothes that are quite different to my regular clothes (a blue horizontal stripped cardigan, a black jacket and black shoes and blue jeans). I’ve never done a combination of clothing like that, but combined with the contacts and new haircut I looked totally different. My friends noted this. Most of the people that had only met me the week before didn’t even recognise me.
I told them that I felt I looked so good that when I looked in the mirror I came. This got loads of laughs…If I get the chance I want to say that in set!
Set 1: 4 girls near the bar counter
OK. So this was the first set I was set up to do. I was told to go in and use the 'who lies more? men or women?'. One of the girls said men lie more, and then proceeded to talk about what bastards men were and so on. I am guessing she has a problem with guys, or more likely she knew this was a pickup and was screwing it up on purpose. The conversation went on for a little while and then the girls turned to each other and asked 'what are you drinking?'. At which point I became invisible. Ah well. I approached, no loss there.
Set 2: 4 girls already opened
OK. This showed a remarkable contrast between how easy it is to talk to random girls vs a set that is already opened and going well. I was told to go into the set with the PU guy in. Say 'Hi!', shake his hand, and then have him introduce me. One of the girls was called Amy. I asked her if it was spelt 'Amy' or in a pretentious French way. It was just 'Amy'. I told her I liked that, it meant she was down to earth. She smiled. The next girl was called Daniella...I told her 'Hey! Did you not just hear what I said about being pretentious!' :P
She started backpedalling and trying to explain herself: 'it's not like that! My family is Italian'. Ahahaha. Good stuff. In the end I felt the PU guy already in set was controlling the set too much for me to do anything in it. Still I noticed that one of the girls who returned to the table was sitting there not responding to what he was saying to her (in terms of words), but was sat staring at the floor and repressing a smile like a little girl being scolded; this guy I was in set with was clearly pretty good.
Set 3: 3 girls standing around in the middle of the bar (pre-opened)
My friend went into this one and they responded really well. Then the third girl joined and we made fun of her name. She tried to make fun of us for being a gay couple and we told her she could never separate us, the she-witch. This girl was very touchy feely. And she was very easy to get my arm around and all that. I suppose sometimes you get sets like that as well.
I noticed my friend would do something interesting as well. He would ask what the girls would be doing later (at which girls give lame responses like 'walking around' or 'I dunno'). He would name drop a cool sounding place and told them come over later. Of course they never knew the name of this place (maybe it doesn't even exist). All I know is it made him look cool, in control of his directionality and finally made them seem a little uncultured.
Set 4: The marriage proposal
OK. So we needed to do something crazy to get me out of my head so was told to do a marriage proposal. It went like this:
Runs up to girl and taps her on the shoulder
Me: Sorry, I can’t let you go without you knowing this.
Gets down on one knee
Me: Will you marry me?
Girl looks bemused and she and her friend walk off
Me: Come baaaaaaack! You’re my last chance!!!
Doing this felt great. Our next set actually saw this so we talked right up to them.
Set 5: 2 girls 1 guy set who witnessed set 4.
My friend took one girl and the guy and started feeding them info about me…not sure why, maybe it is the celebrity effect? He was telling them what I’d studied, the places I’d been (he’d asked me about those very things that evening, now I understood why).
Girl: Don’t worry about those girls love, plenty more fish in the sea
// Somehow we ended up talking about the size of my penis. I’m short so it is an easy target for women to pick on.
Girl: Sorry love but I don’t think you have it quite down there if you know what I mean. Not enough penis for me.
She gestures a tiny penis with her fingers
Girl: Bet you are like that!
Me: Let me put it this way, I’m about 100x bigger than you are. How big is your penis?
Girl: Wha? You can’t prove that!
Me: Sure I can, I’m gonna need some evidence from you first though.
// The conversation moves on and we get onto the following topic //
Girl: Don’t worry love, worst case scenario is that you will have to find some easy to go home with.
Me: Nah, worst case scenario is I come back here (and pick you up).
She gets pretend angry
Girl: So I’m easy now? Is that what you are saying?
Me: Well, one of us had to say it! :P
We moved on to another set. This next set I opened totally on my own and my friend just watched from a distance. Enter set 6.
Set 6: 3 girls sitting down in a bar
This time I was to go with using nothing but normal conversation. Go on and ask ‘Hey girls, how is your evening’. Just like my friend did earlier.
I did this and got a mixed response. Ran out of things to say (ahahaha) and reverted to the ‘who lies more? Men or women?’.
The girls started getting suspicious
Them: So where is this friend you were arguing with?
I waved my friend over and he salvaged the set. Then I left him and headed off home, but I hit up two more on the way home.
Set 7: Middle-aged woman and two hot girls
So I saw this oldish looking woman flanked by two really hot girls. One wearing a sequin dress.
Me: You are really shiny!
The girl looks confused but pleasantly surprised.
Me: Oh no, it’s not a compliment, it’s an observation. I hate it when I have to tell people that. ‘Hey you are wearing blue’…and then they get all happy about it. Then I have to run damage control and explain ‘no. no, no! I didn’t mean it like that!’ (I used that line before, but it only worked once, the first time I used it and it naturally came to me. Other than that it tends to fall flat. Guess my heart really isn’t behind it when I say it rote)
Old woman: Look you! Leave us alone! I’m not trying to be rude but we don’t need someone like you tonight.
I started to walk away and then thought better about it: I’m not gonna let this old hag push me around like this!
Me: Hey! What did you just say to me? You don’t talk to me like that! (playfully angry)
Woman: Just go away!
She starts trying to pivot my body away from the group, but I stay facing them straight on. The two girls watching this can’t help but smile.
Suddenly the woman’s attitude changes, she becomes all nice, now I am hugging them all and having a short conversation.
I learnt that sometimes sticking it out when you are getting resistance for 30 or so seconds can actually save a set, or turn it around into a potentially disastrous to a good set.
Set 8: 2 girls from somewhere mysterious
I stopped two girls on the street and asked about bus schedules. One of them had a funny accent
Me: You have an interesting accent. Where are you from?
Girl says something I don’t quite catch and then walks off.
At least that is what I thought happened. In retrospect I realised there was a hesitation after what she had said and her wondering off. She was waiting for me to take the reins back off her and control the conversation again (I think). I didn’t notice this at first and basically let her walk away. Granted I didn’t hear her, but there is a way around that; just say ‘wha? Speak up!’ (cheeky aggressive).
All in all I learnt that approaching itself isn’t that hard, it’s the actually opening of the set. I never at one point that night felt blown out badly, and I handled everything that happened well enough. I also learnt that I need a game plan for the evening. Where am I going? Which bars? With who? If I have that then I have a framework that I can invite the girls into instead of being that weird guy that wonders around alone talking to girls.
Also I need to be a bit more in charge. Things like letting girls walk away, or walking in with an opener and then expecting them to take the reins is a bad reflection of masculine character (sadly at the moment I am just that kinda person. I need to work on this).
I think next week I am going to hit up the clubs in the China town around here. I love Asian women and I haven’t been to a club in a while. Could be REALLY fun! Of course I need a game-plan. Where am I going after the club? (I could always meet up in a bar with my pick-up friends for instance). That masculine sense of direction is something I am sorely lacking (at the moment I am the most junior PUA in the group so perhaps that is not surprising).
I am not closing at all at the moment. Thing is I have done that before so I know I can do it...but I don't ever feel I am in these sets long enough or that they are going well enough that they would work out. Nonetheless I will continue practicing, even if it is only the one day each week.
I am not sure if any of you guys get this, but occassionally I get groups of girls who will go out of their way to make fun of me. For instance I will be walking down the street and these girls will be like 'I like your shoes little man! Cute pink bag little man!' (I carry a pink sports bag to the gym, hey I'm secure in my sexuality!). Occasionally I will check a girl out and get a 'Keep looking little man!'.
Today was even stranger than normal because these girls got freaked out when I walked right up to them to confront them and they were shrieking 'go away! go away! leave us alone!'...so I walked off and they followed me around the street shouting 'Come back! talk to us!'. Then I would stop and they would go back to shrieking 'go away! leave us alone!'. Ahahaha, what the hell? This happened two or three more times at which point I couldn't take it anymore and just cracked up laughing.
On another occasion I was out on a run and two girls started following me. They flanked me on either side and were running along with me saying stuff like 'yeah baby! feel the burn!'...ahaha?
What the hell is this? In any case I am interpretting it as a postiive thing. After all girls aren't socially conditioned to go out of their way to be mean, especially to men in front of whom they are trying to appear proper.
I should point out this normally happens during the day...a weekday no less, so I don't think alcohol is involved here (they didn't strike me as drunk, just mischevious).
Ahahaha, what do you guys make of this? What would you do in that situation? It seems like a good chance to me.
I went out last night with some PUAs for the first time in a while. Opened 5 sets. These guys have an interesting method in that they don't force me to approach but rather they have fun just casually approaching in bars. It look like so much fun that after watching for a bit you just join in. So I would ask the time, comment on how strong a girls' hands looked, and then challenge them to a thumb wrestle.
I found that opening the guy in the set can be a huge deal; I tried to open one set with what I described above and it simply wasn't working for me. The girl would withdraw when I tried to hold her hand and was giving that kind of 'forced co-operation' you get when a set isn't going well. She then played the guy in the set (and she was terrible!), so I said to the guy, 'let's show her how it is really done!'. He beat me, we had a laugh about it. After that their attitudes totally changed...they were now asking me who I was, shaking hands and posing in pictures with me...it all happened so fast that I hardly had time to register what or how it had happened!
Now on perversion (don't lie! you came here to read this part!). See, sometimes saying slightly creepy things, or doing things that are potentially creepy can show confidence. And honestly, I love doing things that freak people out. But I was told by the more experience PUAs there that this doesn't work for me for one reason in particular; I have a geeky vibe about me. True enough, but I've never felt that hurt me; no one has (outside of a shit-test) ever called me out on being 'geeky'. That's fine. However, playing the 'play-pervert' for me can come across as a 'genuine pervert' simply because of the assumptions people have about someone like myself.
So I was lost and asked what my angle should be; the PUAs chimed in in agreement; I should go for a funny/confident vibe, and later on in the conversation use my intellect to make the girls feel a little uncultured or silly. I suppose I could. Honestly, I never felt like I was a particularly clever individual. I still don't feel smart. But everyone around me tells me I am eloquent and come across as an intellectual (like hell I am!! I don't understand subjects like art or politics for the life of me!). Ahahaha, well you live you learn, right?