Amorisey's Blog

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

So... day 2 on my journey. Woke up in a little less of a haze at 12:30 PM today. Went to a 1:30 PM iPod appointment 'cause that fucker won't stop breaking. Damn Apple. Then ate lunch with Mummy Dearest 'cause I (somewhat predictably) have no money, and lamented about this 27 year old HB8.5 (I'm 22) I've been on and off "dating", even though she has a boyfriend who she's moving to Morocco to go live with momentarily. Mom gives good advice, although I am consistently attempting to manage the feelings I have for this girl... this is a huge part of my own personal development... EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT. I was always a very moody/emotional kid, who feels the waves of feeling like hi and low tides on the ocean. Up and down we go.

Came home, and fucked off for about 3 hours... just writing long diatribes on RSD and getting frustrated by the "herding sheep" mentality that occurs on this site, which, of course, occurs in human nature in general. Getting into back and forth frame battles with guys on the site amount what I mean by this, or if getting girls means this or that... just frustrated. It doesn't really end up ruining my day, although it does seem to give me something for my brain to pick at. Maybe that's a good thing? Without a job, a school, or a band to come home to... minutae becomes monumental.

After a while, I strap up the guitar and begin playing/solo to myself. Feel myself getting better... slowly but surely. Very close to finally learning how to fully play my favorite guitar solo, Oasis' Noel Gallagher's solo on "Don't Look Back In Anger"... something that perplexed me for years. Much like the ability to understand and see the "matrix" of social interaction, I can see many things with in the guitar I never thought I would. I realize that I feel completely at home, myself, standing with the guitar in my hand... playing away. I no longer need anyone, "identity", or anything. I can just play and explain it all on the notes. It is an important realization, since I don't need to be drunk or high in order to enjoy it. Nice one.

In general, today wasn't that bad... although it was tainted by the fact I was sick, so I don't know how I will feel about life being SOBER and HEALTHY... that's usually when the craving for a cigarette, a drink, or whatever comes. Tomorrow I have an eye appointment (fuck), the goal of cleaning my room (fuck), and hopefully a more healthy feeling.

In a bit.

-The Young and Invincible
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