Thursday night started out with a blast. I got back from Salsa class and went home to cook dinner. I then went alone to an Asian organized event for drinks. As I entered I quickly realized that I was the coolest guy there, but I didn’t let that get to my head as I befriended a few people and started to get introductions. I figured the photographers knew everyone and one introduction led to another.
There were quite a few girls that were very good looking and I managed to talk to all of them, and the one that I had in mind ended up finding me on Facebook. It wasn’t hard being cool here. Most of the guys are dressed in suits and ties and although they looked professional they lacked game and a general sense of identity. Unfortunately this is the current scene of the Asian demographic but fortunately for me I know game.
One of the problems of being the coolest guy in a venue is that there will be other guys siphoning off of your success with girls. They will interrupt conversations and be friendly but in a value seeking way. For example one guy interrupted me and a girl and just started coming in, “Oh you’re throwing a party? Where? What date? Can I see the invite?” He ended up asking me to put my name down for him and said “haha you should invite me!” I didn’t want to be rude and I gave him a short version of my name that’s not searchable but it I quickly realized that since girls do not respond to value, I would have to cut these conversations short or throw girls at these guys so distract them. I have mixed feelings when I am at all Asian events, because I used to be one of those guys. Well, maybe not as lame, but a little more alpha version of the lameness I am seeing now. Asian guys in general tend to be overly accommodating and are, generally, very approval seeking. They are particularly bad at asking question after question without giving any value in return.
One of the things I have learned recently is the idea of receiving compliments. I get complimented a lot at Asian events because of my style or my particularly good looks (within the Asian community) and also recently a lot of people in general compliment me on my decision to quit my job and pursue my own business full time.
I complimented a friend tonight and he took it completely the wrong way. I told him I thought he was a good friend and very loyal in front of 2 new guys we met. Instead of thanking me, he suddenly gave me a weird look and said something ridiculous like, “what, I would slit you throat in a second”. Although done in a joking way, it was huge DLV, for both him and myself.
Take a look at Jeremy Piven and George Lopez complimenting each other at 2:45:
Both are masters at what they do, and their acknowledgements of the compliments contain the following three traits:
1. It is sincere “thank you so much”
2. It is quick and brief
3. It is not overly reactive in a negative or positive way
People who do not know how to respond to compliments usually NEGATE positive compliments. That’s the worst because they wipe away the compliment other people pay onto them and also lower the complimenter’s value. They also communicate that they do not receive compliments very often and therefore don’t know how to handle themselves in those situations. There are so many inherent DLVs.
People who respond too positively to compliments isn’t good either, because it shows that he is affected by it and he must not receive that type of compliment very often.
Ideally, you would want to receive compliments in a sincere way and thank the other person, and express your gratitude in an honest but not overly reactive way.
At Palo Alto Sports Bar
I meet up with a friend of mine who also knows pickup but he’s there with his buddies today. A lot of sets happened here but mostly with warm approaches. Nothing stuck and was extremely fascinating to me how different people responded to me in this particular venue.
Girl 1: Friend’s sister. She’s cool and down to chill, but after talking to her for about 10 minutes there wasn’t a lot going up there. She had an ok look but I couldn’t connect with her at all.
Girl 2: Mr. Anderson and I approach a 2 set. One of the girls totally blows us out. She’s having a bad day –go away! I don’t want to talk to anyone! I try Kezia’s shield remover, saying, “I like this girl man. She’s very good about protecting her friends”. As I did this I kino’d a little too much and she got even more pissed, “why are you touching me! Go away!”
There was no way around it. Sometimes you’ll run into those situations. I learned though not to kino girls who have shields on in the beginning and to not react under pressure. After a certain point she just starts looking crazy.
Girl 3: short brunette who likes me, but is pulled away by another guy who’s on our kick ball team. I always liked this guy because he was competitive and won us points, but in the bar he was very, very territorial about this mediocre looking girl. I was a bit disappointed but you can’t expect everyone to be a warm alpha type of person.
Girl 4: Got jealous of me when I asked her to introduce me to a hotter girl in her group, “go ahead, I know you’re obsessed with her so you can go talk to her youself”. She has some self esteem issues.
Girl 5: bartenders off duty. Ander pulls them to smoke but they don’t stay. They’re so used to guys hitting on them you almost have to just be friends with them first. They are cool hanging but run off as soon as they want to.
Girl 6,7,8: we run into Spanish girls. All hot, 2/3 were visiting. I didn’t build enough rapport with the 3rd one but the lead alpha female was super cool. She made sure she paid attention to me and my friend. Her game was tight. She knew how to talk to guys and bouncer to get her way. It was pretty solid. The problem I had was that this game wasn’t the real “her”. You know: that feeling you have when you just connect to someone with no social mask. I think this time is earned with Playettes, as they have developed a shield of social lubricant that deflect guy game so they can choose when they have “real” time with the guys they choose. The danger of this is that sometimes, they get lost in the game and you end up never finding out who the real girl is. PUAs and players have this problem too. We get lost it in the game.
Boundary Function and dealing with conflict
In between, I call out my wing for using negative reinforcement and saying some mean things about me not approaching or not being cool. In this case I feel like I am being insulted. One of the things I learned from game was that I used to take insults and laugh at them. But this creates a cycle of insults that other people learn to do to you because you’re “ok” with it. In reality, a lot of these situations turned into bad bullying situations. I called him out on that shit and he was ok with it afterward. However, it was a complete 180 from being by myself and deriving my own value in the previous bar. Your wing can either be the best thing since sliced bread or your worst nightmare. Find a friend that you trust and check him when he goes overboard. People make mistakes, but if you have a strong character and consider them a friend, always check them when they do.
King of the island, or serf of the Country?
As I drove back from the night I realized that I am a king among Asian girls. I can now get the hottest Asian girls at any venue. However, as a frat bar with a wing putting me down, it was a really difficult recovery. Even with my confidence at a high when I arrived, things were not the same. I don’t think this is a race thing as I am past being a newbie, but to say that cultural influences have nothing to do with it would be an understatement as well. We all have mentally the type of girls we click with, and there’s just that propinquity that you have to certain types of people based on who you really are. The ideas of game, I believe, are to foster and understand these real characteristics, and learn to develop them to find girls that you actually like and are compatible with.