God of Style

alphawolf
 
I haven't seen him in years. 6 years, to be exact. The last time we met we were in Ottawa with our parents, and I just returned back to see him after graduating from college in the summer of 2004.

Back then we got along, although now memories are starting to come back about our childhood and whatnot.

My first impression when I saw him was happiness. What a long time! I then noticed his clothes and his overall appearance and I knew that I had to help him get out of his shell. I made it a mission to be an inspiration for him about how to live life, etc.

The first day went great - we settled down and the next day we went to the mall to get him a makeover. In between I demo'd some sets and he was really impressed. This is basic chit chat and we got some high school girl's FB contacts, etc. He was blown away. At night we went out and I demo'd night game. Honestly I was really tired having been out 12 hours already prior and not having rested. I gamed regularly without too much zest and he was really happy. I basically got a few girls to pose with him and give him numbers (that later flaked, but it wasn't solid rapport game to begin with).

Today after 5 days, I can say that I love my bro, but there are certain things about him that I can't stand. I've come to the realization that I can accept him for who he is, and that we will inherently have some difference in personality and what not.

This is also a test for me when I hangout with chodes. By chodes, I don't mean Jeffy's pickup chodes that don't know how to talk to girls. I mean chodes as in guys who haven't really challenged themselves in life and are somewhat behind the social learning curve. I don't care if a guy can't talk to girls. I know this problem can be solved in time. But what about the other issues regarding life? I will list here some of the things I have found out about my brother (or rediscovered, in many cases). And I associated feelings for him. Unfortunately and perhaps it is embarassing almost for me to say, in some of these cases I couldn't control my emotions! I just remember feeling annoyed and angry and then dissapointed.

We'll call my bro J for simplicity. J greeted me and had a whole plan for me. He's a litte cheesy. He imitates Ali G in his fake gangster vocals and also his movemetns are a littlie choppy. He hunches his back a lot and stares at the floor. His thoughts patterns are very negative, always blaming himself for everything. We uncovered this in the first day and I taught him a few things I learned about him. He's very cheap, and pays with coins all the time and tips very little. Normally I don't have a problem with this, but after writing him a 600 USD check he's still complaining to me that the leather jacket I bought for him at Zara for 105 is too expensive. He obsesses over money. I figured out that he did this because he never made his own and always spent dad's allowance. He told me his stories after I digged a little deeper - he tried looking for a job but failed. How hard did you try?, I asked. "not very hard", he said. He told me about his life and how he was depressed. Why I said? I understood his situation but not his thought patterns. To me, I always saw the world as a place I can conquer. I someone says I'm fucked up, I tell them they're the ones that are fucked up. Then I'll sometimes re-evaluate and in certain cases admit I'm an asshole. But most of the time, I sincerely do believe that they are the ones that are messed up.

My bro thinks differently. He lives in a huge house with a nice old Chines landlord. His roommates are Chinese students or guys in the 30s, 40s who don't speak English. He says rent is cheap and its saving lots of money. He spent the last year in Vancouver not really doing anything except eat, sleep, play games and watch anime. He has a belly the size of a bull frog, with my frame, which means it looks really werid. He smells bad and isn't careful with Hygene. I taught him a few things and he listned at first, but by day 4-5 he's already shifting back to his old habits. I just shake my head and try not to get angry. He's always lost. Forgets things, and I'm come to notice that he isn't very smart. This is a bad thing to say, but he's a little slow, mentally. I don't mean retarded, but, he makes lots of mistakes. He forgets where he parks all the time, forgets to bring keys, incorrectly plans Jan as 30 days intead of 31 days, obssesses over coupones online that he has to use, and incorrectly asssesses a lot of situations.

These things don't bother me as much. What bothers me the most is his limiting beliefs. He doesn't think its possible to date a girl righta way, he thinks making friends is hard in vancouver, he thinks things will be easier in taiwan, etc. He always doubts himself when its someone elses fault. This guy was being a dick at the retail store and I called his manager, and my bro just keeps apologizing. I said no, he shouldnt be apologizing, The guy was being a dick for asking him to change clothes again when he could easily scan them with them on so that the makeover look can stay on my little bro.

On the positive side, bro does take care of me and plans very carefully for me, when he can. He cooks and makes sure I'm fed and have all the things I need (toiletrees, food, water, towels, etc) He's one of those risk averse people, meaning he sees all the worst things that can happen in any given situation, so I supposed he's good in certain emergency situations or as a lawyer. He's shy and timid and comes across as a young boy, (even though he's 25). In certain situations girls and people give him a huge break because they think that's he's just a shy dude. I think Canadians are way more forgiving and nicer than Americans btw.

I was super angry with him day 2-3 and now, after day 5 I have slowly started to accept that, should he decide to change his life, it will take sometime. I wish him the best and I will do my best to impart with him what I can.

Nonetheless, I wanted to write this post as catharsis. I love my little bro, and sometimes I'm angry at him too. I like my alone time and although I always wished I had a cool bro like myself who became best friends with me, at least I have a brother.

Thoughts, similar experiences, suggestions for the last 2-3 days welcome!

-AW
Login or register to post.

Related Posts

Comments

#1
Doge~

Doge~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3671

Great story.  Taiwanese I assume?  Awesome. ;)

I have a little brother who's quite the chode however, he's got a good heart and an open mind.  Even though he has limiting beliefs, he realizes it's socially conditioned and wants to change.  I think that's the biggest difference between guys who will get good and guys who fall back into comfortable habits.  A strong intent to change.  Without that leverage, it's like trying to paddle up a stream.
Login or register to post.
#2
alphawolf

alphawolf

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/18/2009 | Posts: 296

Yeah. We're either really cool or really lame. No in betweens :|

What are your feelings towards him though?
Login or register to post.
#3
Doge~

Doge~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3671

My brother?  Love my bro.  He doesn't really annoy me or anything, he's just chode.  Just an all around docile nice guy.

Very shy and beta.  It's rather sad actually.  I was more or less like that too except I had a rebellious side which is why I'm the way I am now.

I get so angry sometimes when I think about the way he is now.  He use to be such a vibrant kid, full of life and pure expression of joy.  Then somewhere in his middle school years, that light faded to almost nothing.

I blame my parents for this.  For the way I am as well.  Now granted, I'm fully aware that they didn't know any better and I'm not the type to take a victim identity, but when I think about what happened to my bro, it's just so fucking cruel what society and parents can do to a kid.

Things are looking up for him though, very much so.  I'm not worried for him anymore.
Login or register to post.
#4
alphawolf

alphawolf

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/18/2009 | Posts: 296

Yeah, we can only control our own lives. I've helped my little bro with a makeover and everything. He's got some great qualities - he cares about people (more than I do) and he's a nice, genuine guy.

I did my best. I hope he listens. I know how you feel though.

-AW
Login or register to post.