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To remind you I write articles all from an alpha male natural perspective... communicating pick up ideas to the guys who think like alpha males. Even if you are new I want to talk to you in a way that sub-communicates that you ‘get it’. I want to talk to you on the level of a guy who is good, so you evolve into the attractive way of thinking and the attractive way of interpreting your reality. I want to communicate like I’m teaching myself, so you can get inside my head and take everything you can from my experience. Newbie Notes Below.

I have a very strong point of view of ‘hitting it up’ compared to relaxing an unwinding. In reality I am taking action and hitting it up, but I think of my actions in a way that isn’t forceful or dependant on anything.

‘Hitting up sets’ is not the cause of my good night, its part of me getting outside of my head. I have good nights by unwinding, slowing down and relaxing in a social environment and then start to approach sets ‘hitting it up’ to explore interactions, amuse myself and have a good influence.

‘Hitting it up’ is the same as ‘creating initiative’, the first skill of my Natural Instinct Method.

‘Hitting it up’ doesn’t make me feel reactive. ‘Hitting it up’ implies that my night is focused on me hitting on girls, WHEN ACTUALLY I choose to relax because I know that I want the night to be all about myself. I take the actions of ‘hitting it up’, but I'm not thinking about doing it for girls, because I know that no serious interactions happen until later on in the night. I know I won’t be at my playful best, my most relaxed, have my ideal vibe or be at my most attractive until later on into the night. I know those things will come with time and approaches, no rush, no stress. Without a sense of rushing or stress I come into my best vibe and most naturally attractive self.

I DONT ‘HIT IT UP’ BECAUSE I WANT A GOOD MOOD TO WASH OVER ME NATURALLY, NOT FORCE MYSELF INTO A GOOD MOOD OR STATE.

And that mood always does wash over me. It’s like being in a dream, you don’t know how you got there, it just came over you. Trying to force yourself into that dream state is a trust and time process, ABSOLUTELY NOT a forcing process. That dream state is what other call being in state, or in the zone, or having nimbus, or being present in the moment. I just feel on and connected with the environment.

I do the right things and relaxed arousal comes over me, I don’t know when or how, but if I relax and allow it to, it does. The stronger I use my will power to trust that, the quicker it happens and my night is better and I'm more naturally attractive.




The reasons why I swear by the unwinding and relaxing approach to going out and meeting girls are:

I am petrified that Real Social Dynamics students might develop ANY KIND OF anxiety. The key variable that makes pick-up work is a certain type of relaxed arousal vibe that girls are automatically attracted to. Any kind of urgency in forcing yourself to approach, or any type of forcing a result from the night gives you that urgent anxiety, detracts from your abundance mentality and completely wrecks your vibe.

At the same time, if you are rushing around pushing forward you become forceful with other people, and you won’t be feeling and thinking slow and clear enough to develop empathy and become a true seer of other’s emotions. Going too fast screws up your empathy, your ability to connect and respond in the moment – which is vitally important to keeping sets going for a long time and turning the start of an interaction to a pull or date – and causes you to operate as a fun entertainer type guy, not a guy who ‘gets it’, who understands arousal dynamics and connects with girls immediately.

Again, relaxing at the start of the night is all about having the relaxed arousal vibe, which is the vibe that trigger’s women to become naturally attracted to you.

Relaxing at the start of the night is focused on yourself and about a cultivation of self TRUST. Trust the right mood/vibe/state will wash over you if you do the right things (talk/endure tests/make moves) that you I’ll have fun during your night out and that you’ll meet someone great. That self trust is also a part of that relaxed arousal vibe. Without the relaxed arousal vibe, girls simply don’t look at you as a serious prospect to hook up with*. I’ve experienced and seen that ‘Hitting it up’ supports a NOT TRUSTING YOURSELF FRAME, not trusting that you’ll fall into the right vibe/mood/state sometime during the night. Sometimes this lack of self trust and hitting up too hard can have you leaving the club before the night is done – leaving before the time of the night where the results can actually happen. Operating through a ‘lack of self trust frame’ expands over time until you become state dependant and have violent fluctuations in self trust. This leads to frustration, zero consistency of good mood in social situations and sporadic results.

*Side note: girls can hook up with you for whatever reason, but you have to have it clear in your mind that the relaxed arousal frame is the Holy Grail for natural attraction.

Inconsistency and frustration while trying to learn pick up is the path to the dark side; its massive frustration, hating people and being extremely hard on yourself. Inconsistency and frustration is the route to MASSIVE personal problems that can really wreck your social life. You can become detached to reality angry forceful and desperate. Like I said, I want all students to take on a paradigm that never risks falling into the darkside of the cold approach pick up. That is why I am so adamant a relaxation based paradigm. You take the same actions as ‘hitting it up’... but from the relaxation paradigm it’s not about HITTING IT UP it about you enjoying your own company first, trusting that you will ‘fall into a good mood’ and that you’ll have that one good interaction that will make your night out all worth it. One good interaction is all you need. One good interaction is all you need in several days in the weekend to make it an amazing weekend. There are about 40 social hours in a weekend; time is on your side, so relax. This is the reconciliation of the actions of ‘hitting it up’ AND relaxing and unwinding.

In the relaxation paradigm you get the best of both schools of pick-up instruction. I ‘hit it up’ light heartedly to unwind and amuse myself, not as a causality or tactic to ensure that I have a good night or get into state. I don’t rush to ‘hit it up’ because I TRUST that I’ll fall into that good mood sometime during the night. See my article on the two hour rule for a little bit more about the execution of this process.

From what I’ve experienced taking the relaxed paradigm into the night means you take more girls home and you get more numbers that ACTUALLY CONVERT INTO LATER MEET UPS compared to when I used to ‘hit it up’ hard where I’d be intense in the bar, but go home alone, forget to take numbers or get flakey ones. You need to understand that the true skill of getting girls is longer sets and staying in set, so gear everything you do around the natural instinct method skill #2; ENDURE TESTS

‘Hitting it up’ is fun and an amazing experience for you when you’re new, but beware of its misleading qualities. If you ‘hit it up’ you might have 15 super fun great interactions with stunning girls, ten make outs, finger some girls (if that’s your thing) BUT NOT TAKE ANYONE HOME, OR WALK A GIRL OUT OF THE CLUB MAKING THE INTERACTION SOLID ENOUGH TO INSPIRE HER TO MEET UP WITH YOU. You don’t want a mass of good interactions and going home alone. The relaxed paradigm is all about optimising your approach so that you have someone to go home with that the end of the night. Again: You only need one good interaction to have an amazing night. What’s better? Twenty-five make outs or having sex and a genuine connection with a beautiful gorgeous girl? Do everything you can to give you self the best chance to get results. Combine ‘hitting it up’ actions inside the relaxation paradigm.

Avoid patterns of behaviour that have you getting good at, or familiar with having short interactions. You can’t have sex with a girl from a short interaction unless the girl was down to have sex before she met you. Or you are very experienced and very clever at quickly turning an open into a close. If you are only familiar with ‘hitting up many sets’ you get to the end of the night and have some kind of state crash because you don’t have anything solid to show for all your efforts. Except maybe for some ego gratification that you can open many sets – which is lame, and means you go home alone. Gear all your behaviours around being in a great mood at the end of the night, ready to afterparty, walk home, and have interactions outside the bar in the real world.

Keep the set going. Engaging someone is easy enough, but to be able to engage someone for a long period of time is extremely important. I’ve seen that ‘hitting it up’ it can be physically draining, and to a lesser extent mentally and emotionally draining. You don’t want to have burnt out your own ability to focus on one person and be self-inspired well and truly before the most fun time of the night toward the end, and closing time (lead up and afterward). Gearing your entire approach so you’re mood is still slowly and steadily rising as the club closes, while regular guys are drunk and depressed and might have burn themself out from pushing hard since the beginning of the night, or be flighting an internal state crash.

Lastly, relaxing is a pattern of thought that doesn’t allow for loss of momentum or losing state for not achieving a self imposed expectation of ‘hitting it up.’ The way you think about your nights out will define how you will feel emotionally as you go through the night. In my experience and from what I’ve seen from the guys who are the absolute best at picking up girls from cold approach, ENSURING that you think in a way that gears all your actions around being a consistently great mood, and being in a great mood at the end of any night, are vitally important.

Follow the actions of hitting it up, but don’t do it to cause you to get girls, do it to help you relax. And then become relaxed aroused.

Alexander~

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