There has been a late change to my schedule! This weekend I am free for a bootcamp anywhere in North America. Because of this late change you will probably get a one on one bootcamp with myself, venteran instructor of 5 years in a city of your choice. Email support@realsocialdynamics.com immidiately if your interested. This is my last chance to teach in North America before I fly back to Melbourne.

Why did my schedule change? Well, I'm staying in Los Angelels to work with Tyler on a special Alexander~ project. Very, very exciting.

One last weekend; support@realsocialdynamics.com

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A painter paints a painting.

Depending on how he paints the painting will depend on how the painting is received.

To relate to cold approach pick up, there are two ways to go about painting the work of art. You can sit down at your easel and attempt to do something that will please potential buyers. Or you can sit down so centred on the pure expression of yourself that you don’t even take a moment to consider whether the buyers will like what you have to offer or not.

We know that a truly passionate work of art, a true an expression of self and emotion, is always going to be more moving, and more captivating, and more valued than something painted to please others. Work done to make a buck. That kind of work is cheap tacky crap.

In social situations, if you’re conducting yourself in ways that seeks to please others, or even operate in a way that tries to fit in with others, then you are not even going to be close to emotionally compelling people to become interested in you from cold approach.

You know when you walk in the malls and the people try to get your attention by hustling you as you walk by. My reaction is to IGNORE at all costs. What they do is contrived, fake, forced and shrouded in bad vibes. I just don’t want to have anything to do with someone like that. Even when I do avoid them, I still feel this weird feeling from them like I’ve somehow let them down, which makes me feel even worse toward them. All I want to do is avoid people trying to please me or persuade me to later get something from me when they approach

It’s like ‘hey, I’ll do anything I can to please you to get some attention’, somehow treating me like a king, in order to trick me into getting something from me later.

If you’re trying to work in with, or please the people your approaching then you too will have these fucked up vibes. If you even come close to coming across this way then you’ll trigger the same defence mechanism toward try-hard guys that has been conditioned in girls based on past experiences with try hard guys.

That doesn’t mean ‘when you go out don’t try to please people’ and becoming a heartless sociopath totally lacking empathy, no. It means be so caught up in creating a product, or work of art, expressions, or fun, or vibes – whatever you want to call what you do in social situations – that is so great, and so focused on having fun, and being relaxed that you don’t even stop for a second to consider if you are pleasing others or not. You’re too dedicated to being awesome at what you want to do.

It’s a fact of reality that you can’t please everybody, accept that and let it go. Think more about what you want to do in the social situation and get much deeper into that. Get so deep into what you want to do in a social situation that you become a presence in the environment. Your frame is so strong that it might even clash with others’. That’s ok, if you have frame clashes hold your frame, stay true to how you want to be, and what you want to do, and you will inevitably win social frame battles by stand-off. When you win that frame battle by stand-off – by being totally true to yourself – when the girl sees your frame can’t be changed from its course she gets drawn into naturally reacting to you. When she’s naturally reacting to you it’s her being aroused by you, arousal is attraction, attraction is her being drawn to you, and wanting to get closer to you. That’s how you pick up girls.

Know both what you **want to do** as a sense of direction for yourself, something that creates your frame and know your personal boundaries to defend your frame and help it resist pressure in frame battles. Holding your personal boundaries in place is the part of you that ‘isn’t designed to please others’, it’s your way of keeping yourself focused on what you want to do well and with passion.

What you want to do will be exciting, constructive and fun things; positive emotions. Your personal boundaries are call outs, ignoring things you’re disinterested in, and sometimes confrontation; negative emotions. The continual combination of expressing contrasting positive and negative emotions is automatically arousing. All social dynamics indicate that you being yourself will create automatic arousal in others, so trust that even though you are not out to please others you are being influential and causing arousal. This is called being “self forgetting”, creating attraction is an “afterthought”. These are terminologies that are used to describe attractive people in everyday life.

How do you know what the right or wrong things to do is? How do you know if the way you paint is good or not?
There is no way to know. Once you accept that fact then you can let go of managing the outcome of your expressions or work, and become more passionate and focused on what you’re doing; which will obviously make what you’re doing better through your undivided attention and dedication to it. Your work will be more passionate and expressive, more fun and more emotional, more spontaneous. You will come up with greatness.
It’s a leap of faith to trust that you can come up with something good if you start doing things on your terms and not to please others. You’ve read that the dynamics will work for you... that’s all I can help you with to establish trust in yourself. That, and without trust you’ve totally sucked with girls more than you should have up until this point.

When you go out to be yourself, or sit down to compose a creative work think the way great expressers do. Think that what you do could take any form, and whatever that form is it will be awesome. The thing that makes what you do awesome in the eye of the beholder is the passion and love that’s gone into what you’ve done. The variable that makes what you do awesome is that you did it with dedication to doing it well, not compromising doing it well by selling out and trying to please others.

What then do you want to do in a social situation? And what are your personal boundaries? I’ll share some of mine, let mine guide you but you will inevitably develop your own. Play the trial and error game until you get to know yourself well enough to fully embrace what you want to do, and then hold what you want to do in place with personal boundaries.

When I go out I want to relax. I want to get so relaxed that I become bored, because I know that in that bored state my most funny-creative-exciting ideas come to me. Those ideas don’t come to me straight away because of the daily concerns that I carry around like everyone else, work, money, career, family, heath et cetera. I don’t like those daily concerns weighing on my mind, so I want to be very good at being relaxed, and getting that good relaxed feeling in my body where everything is just easy, the tension goes away and I start to smile. I even use some physiological cues to get me into a nice relaxed mood, motion is emotion.

I never know when that good feeling is going to come over me, but I know it will. I'm patient with that mood, and I know I have all night, so I don’t rush myself because that’s a source of anxiety that makes me feel worse than I need to.

When I have all that cleared form my head and my emotions I get back to a simpler way of thinking and feeling. I stop to appreciate the beauty of the girls around me. I appreciate my friends, I'm relaxed so I find the shit they say funny. I’m at ease so I can freely speak whats on my mind. Because I'm not in a logical situation the things that float up in my consciousness are random and funny and creative. I love being random and funny and creative because it gives me ideas that amuse me. Things to say or do to girls that are interesting variations of things we’ve done before, interesting because I don’t know what to expect. These things make me feel good because the things I say and do are influential over my friends, and the things my friends do are mutually influential back over me. When we approach other people, because we’re the ones doing the approaches for fun and amusement, we feel influential over them. It’s a good influence because we know that it must be arousing, which is what people who’re inside their heads and bored are seeking.

Of course when I'm bored and there are so many beautiful girls around I'm automatically compelled to want to interact with those girls and harass them. It’s awesome to spend time interacting with people of such beauty and grace, right there in front of me, and very very funny to watch them squirm in reaction and arousal simply because we approach. It’s extremely fulfilling to see them become reactive to me (even if they walk away), because a good knowledge of social dynamics helps me understand that this is something that makes me attractive to them.

I like the feeling of the chase, the excitement of getting to know someone new, and good feelings in the relationship develop as we become more comfortable with each other. My attraction grows for the girl as I become more familiar with her with each minute I spend with her. These are good feelings that I absolutely love. I love the knowledge that on some level, a girl I’m talking to is becoming more comfortable and familiar with me and more open to fun and flirting with me the longer I stay there and talk to her.

Keeping the set going until I get the openness, mutual attraction and arousal in a new relationship is something that compels me to endure the crap that has to be endured at the beginning of almost every set. Being able to endure stupid tests is something I know I have will power to do that others simply can’t. That knowledge makes me feel like a fucking king.

These are the things that I want to do. I will ignore people who try to tell me not to do these things. If things don’t work out the way I would like them to I persist assertively to get what I want, because what I want is good for everyone. If I seriously can’t get anywhere with my persistence then I drop it, because the thrill of persistence drops away and turns to annoyance after 3-4 efforts of persistence.

These are the things that want to do really really well. And I trust that if I do them really really well, I’ll draw other people into my frame where good emotions exist. I trust that once they get a feeling of these great emotions that I’m creating through state transfer they’ll want plenty more of what I'm doing such a dedicated job of creating.
When you paint, paint to do a really really expressive, passionate dedicated job of painting. Don’t paint to please or you’ll only produce shit. Don’t let others lessen the potential of how great you can be when you’re focused on the great things you want to do.

Figure out what you want, defend it with personal boundaries and inspire attraction.

Pick up girls.

Alexander~

[Don't totally get what we're publishing? Do a bootcamp]