Alexander~ RSD

Alex~
 
 


“What does it mean to have a strong reality, and why is it even important?”

If you have a reality that is stronger than the girl you are trying to pick up than you have something to offer her that she isn’t getting for herself. The stronger your reality, the stronger your internal sense of security. With your internal sense of security comes positive and calming feelings. To have a weak reality means you feel vulnerability, anxiety and negativity.

For a guy, a strong reality can come in two forms: externally-derived or internally-defined. Both can be strong realities, but one is resilient and can be absolute, while the other is fleeting and vulnerable.

In the case of the strong externally-derived reality, it usually means that you have more contextual confidence relative to the girl. It means that in that situation, you have a stronger security of reality and therefore a better internal feeling about yourself than she does. If the girl connects with you emotionally, then her sense of self (her reality) is strengthened because when she is with that guy, her reality is being strengthened and validated by a stronger source. She is attracted to a guy with higher value than she has. The things that make a guy valuable to a girl is if he has strong positive and secure feelings that come from having a stronger sense of self.

But, an externally-defined reality is EXTERNALLY-DEFINED, so it is always at the mercy of external elements and influences. His reality is formed through validation seeking actions and him identifying with abstract external labels and identities. If a guy’s reality is externally formed then it can be externally broken. One day he can be attractive to girls, but If his reality should be broken by an external source the next day, then he would no longer be high value. Some people call this an identity crisis. For people learning how to become better at picking up women, this explains their inconsistencies and frustrations.

In the case where the guy defines his reality internally, it is safe from external fluctuations and is more consistent and can always be stronger. An internally-defined reality can be ABSOLUTE or 100%, whereas an externally-derived reality can never be ABSOLUTE or 100%. An internally-defined reality is formed through proactivity, initiative, willpower, effort and decisiveness. The foundations of an internally-defined reality are positive, whereas the foundations of an externally-derived reality are negative. Girls are attractive to guys who have any type of stronger reality than them, but they are more attracted to guys who have internally-defined realities because they pick on the positive vibes of internally -efined realities. A woman’s recognition system instantly categorizes those types of guys as alpha males. They are attracted to those guys. If you are one of those types of guys, picking up becomes easy.

A guy who has a stronger reality than a girl is attractive to her because he is less reactive to her than she is to him. A guy with an internally-defined reality is not only less reactive to the girl than the girl is to him, but he is unreactive to the world itself. Unreactiveness leads to core confidence. Core confidence leads to automatically offering value and when you know you are offering value you can supercharge your attraction by asserting that value. Picking up becomes more effective.

Unreactiveness, core confidence, offering value and assertiveness are all behavioral patterns that girls recognize as alpha and they instantly categories that guy as attractive. When a girl makes this alpha male categorization, that guy gets high value status in that girl’s emotional perception.

When that guy is higher value than the girl, the girl is reactive to him. She will become nervous but attentive around him. The more time a guy with a strong reality spends with a girl with a relatively less strong reality, the more she will react to him. Each reaction she has to him, the more he becomes a source of arousal and the more she becomes aroused. Arousal is EMOTIONAL STIMULATION. Attraction builds when high value is combined with emotional stimulation. A = HV + E.

Girls’ realities are inherently different from guys’ realities. Guys are designed to be delusionally confident and delusional confidence stems from a delusional sense of self trust. Innate emotional self trust is what guys have that girls don’t have as much of, and that’s what girls want from a guy: a guy who is being the man he is supposed to be. Girls innately have a more skeptical and cerebral reality, as a result of being less physically versatile in the natural world.

Humans have evolved in a way that men are the risk takers and women are the risk questioners. Between these two opposing forces, they find some happy medium and offer mutual value. The woman urges the man to take fewer risks to be safer, but men look to take more risks to conquer more territory or gather more influence. Girls are attracted to ‘ballsy’ guys. ‘Ballsy’ guys have the strongest internally-defined reality because they are deluded in their sense of entitlement, strength, capacity and abilities.

For a girl to spend time with a ‘ballsy’ risk taking guy, she will be very aroused because she will always react to him. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, that type of guy is high value to her because he has a very powerful feeling of internal strength that the girl wants more of in her own reality. She feels safe, and therefore good, when she is with a man with a strong reality.

That’s what it means to have a strong reality and that’s why it is important to have one. It’s just as important to have the right type of strong reality.

How do you go from having a weak reality to a strong one? In short: nominate your path and goals and follow them. Seek to remove blindspots. Firmly adhere to your personal boundaries, and come into congruence with Presence, Positive-Dominance and being a Man of Action.

Reality Check

Are there different degree of Alphaness and Betaness? Yes. But somewhere between the two there is a DEFINITE divide point - this idea is more important than the degree to which someone is alpha or beta. The varying degrees of alphaness depend on how many times (socially and emotionally) that the guy is reactive, relies on his context for confidence, how often he takes value and how often he asserts value taking. Degrees of betaness depends on how often a beta male or female has core confidence, is unreactive, offers value and is assertive with that value.

How do you know when you are an alpha male? You are an alpha male when your own (social and emotional) opinions of yourself are more important to you than the reactions and opinions of other people. But this is only true if you have no blindspots.

Can beta males get girls? Yes, if they have a stronger reality than the girls. But it's easy for the beta males reality to fluctuate, and with that their attraction from girls fluctuates.

Can Alpha males with an absolute reality get girls? Yes. They are higher value than everyone in their own reality. When they interact with girls, the girls are reactive to these guys and the alpha male inspires a full range of emotions in the girl. Girls are usually shy and nervous around alpha guys and they test them a lot. But don’t worry - tests give you a chance to overtly DHV. Remember that when girls give shy and nervous reactions, it’s the true IOI.

In conclusion, having a strong reality of the right type will help you pick up a lot of girls.

Open your eyes to the strength of reality matrix.

Alexander~
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Comments

#1

The Boss

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Join Date: 02/16/2009 | Posts: 823

definetly good stuff from this series but i felt alot of the stuff was repeated....o well i guess now its drilled into my brain :)
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#2

Alexandre

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Love it.

How do you go from having a weak reality to a strong one? In short: nominate your path and goals and follow them. Seek to remove blindspots. Firmly adhere to your personal boundaries, and come into congruence with Presence, Positive-Dominance and being a Man of Action.

You could write more about this point, but thanks anyway, the whole article was very pleasant to read.

Awesome. I'm addicted to your writings now.
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#3
EnVee

EnVee

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Solid
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#4
Alesis

Alesis

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Yes. really nice recap ! Thanks for the series.

I also agree with Alexandre, that you could write more about this:
How do you go from having a weak reality to a strong one? In short: nominate your path and goals and follow them. Seek to remove blindspots. Firmly adhere to your personal boundaries, and come into congruence with Presence, Positive-Dominance and being a Man of Action.

Especially on nominating goals and following them (despite facing obsticales) and being a man of action...   :-) Maybe it could be a topic for the next article ?
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#5
IvánPérez

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You can't even imagine what kind of influence you are having in this part of the world. You are empowering a 17 year old to be manned down just with your writing. Asserting my value in face of the last and hardest tests is almost solidified. Basically now I'm a man in all of my glory, no pretending anymore.

The buck stops with us.
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#6
EmotionFlow13

EmotionFlow13

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Join Date: 09/16/2009 | Posts: 47

Good read, kinda explains loads of things that I've seen lately and can categorize with this article and figure it out from my own perspective.

Gives me insight in what direction I should be headed. Thanks
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#7

lee-vi®

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Join Date: 04/06/2009 | Posts: 75

Well, I don't think you are full of sh't. ;) Good stuff.
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#8

Showtime~

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Awesome, now with theorical part down, lets get to funky how to steps shall we? :D 
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#9
threesome

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Unreactiveness leads to core confidence. Core confidence leads to automatically offering value and when you know you are offering value you can supercharge your attraction by asserting that value. Picking up becomes more effective.


So the point where all this starts is in presence, wich leads to unreactiveness?

Still, I got the point that pragmatically, P, PD, and MAO is all one and the same thing, it's a feeling, it's your core, your nature. Bur Im talking from a purely theoric perspective.
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#10

Shazam!

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Interesting point about men being the risk takers... there's alot of gems in this series.
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#11
willgood

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dont forget to escalate! you can be swimming in girls but if you dont escalate, you're not going to show that you've made a choice and chosen her
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#12
EatmewhileImHOT

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for the longest time I thought 'strength of reality' was some mumbo bullshit, and never fully looked at it.  I just assumed that it meant some 'mystical force' that your reality has that alters your reality in a way that can't be explained.  

I've had a strong sense of reality.  But it was external, not internal.  It crashed, and from there it's building up from square 1.

Great to sense what it feels like to have that 'alpha' feeling, though.  It's like getting a sample only to get knocked back down to getting the REAL DEAL.
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#13
Firewater

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I think this is the best article of the series.  You start to lose me toward then end when you start talking about risk takers and risk evaluators though.  Alpha males and those with a strong reality don't SEEK out risk because they don't even SEE risk.  They are moving through their life with ease on a take things as they come basis.  Situations that someone with a NON-STRONG reality would experience would seem like dire straits where a man with a STRONG reality moves through these NON-SITUATIONS with ease and comfort.
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#14

Discipline

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Thank you for this article
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#15

Boom

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Join Date: 11/13/2009 | Posts: 53

I would like to know what you mean by positive dominance, could u five some example?

Ps: I didn't understood in the A = HV + e article.

THX
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#16

Boom

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Join Date: 11/13/2009 | Posts: 53

I would like to know what you mean by positive dominance, could u give some example?

Ps: I didn't understood in the A = HV + e article.

THX
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#17
Alex~

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Alexandre wrote:
Love it.

How do you go from having a weak reality to a strong one? In short: nominate your path and goals and follow them. Seek to remove blindspots. Firmly adhere to your personal boundaries, and come into congruence with Presence, Positive-Dominance and being a Man of Action.

You could write more about this point, but thanks anyway, the whole article was very pleasant to read.

Awesome. I'm addicted to your writings now.
i will, :D it'll be another 10,000 worder i think. there are miles stones through this transition and they are becoming clearer and clearer. stay tuned.

Alex~
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#18
Alex~

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JackDanielz wrote:
Unreactiveness leads to core confidence. Core confidence leads to automatically offering value and when you know you are offering value you can supercharge your attraction by asserting that value. Picking up becomes more effective.


So the point where all this starts is in presence, wich leads to unreactiveness?

Still, I got the point that pragmatically, P, PD, and MAO is all one and the same thing, it's a feeling, it's your core, your nature. Bur Im talking from a purely theoric perspective.

unreactiveness comes from indifference. Indifference comes from overcoming comfort zones. ie, EXPERIENCE. 

So in a way presence yes. but you can be present and in the moment when you dont spead your moments in your head worrying about shit.

Alex~
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#19
Alex~

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EatmewhileImHOT wrote:
for the longest time I thought 'strength of reality' was some mumbo bullshit, and never fully looked at it.  I just assumed that it meant some 'mystical force' that your reality has that alters your reality in a way that can't be explained.  

I've had a strong sense of reality.  But it was external, not internal.  It crashed, and from there it's building up from square 1.

Great to sense what it feels like to have that 'alpha' feeling, though.  It's like getting a sample only to get knocked back down to getting the REAL DEAL.
nice man.

Did all you guys know that your reality and who you are are one and the same thing.

If your alpha who you are becomes the reality around you, if your beta, or a female, everything around you becomes who you are.

YOU ARE THE SOCIAL CONDITIONER. In the context.

Alex~
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#20
Alex~

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Firewater wrote:
I think this is the best article of the series.  You start to lose me toward then end when you start talking about risk takers and risk evaluators though.  Alpha males and those with a strong reality don't SEEK out risk because they don't even SEE risk.  They are moving through their life with ease on a take things as they come basis.  Situations that someone with a NON-STRONG reality would experience would seem like dire straits where a man with a STRONG reality moves through these NON-SITUATIONS with ease and comfort.
ahhhh ok.

alpha males have the mindset they can handle RISKY THINGS. They are risky situations, but alpha males have that delusional TRUST (from evolution) that lead them to take risks because they dont see why they couldnt handle the situation or the consequences. However dire they might realistically be.

Alex~
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#21
Alex~

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Boom wrote:
I would like to know what you mean by positive dominance, could u give some example?

Ps: I didn't understood in the A = HV + e article.

THX
Another very long article coming soon. :D

Alex~
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#22

YaBoiRayDawg

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The Boss wrote:
definetly good stuff from this series but i felt alot of the stuff was repeated....o well i guess now its drilled into my brain :)
it's a conclusion, of course it's repeated. haven't you ever written an essay?

great series, keep the good stuff coming. ill swallow every word. question, do you have to be a daredevil and basically risk your life to be a risk-taker?
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#23
roxsta89~

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Loved this SOR series Alex really helped me a lot

You've got a great ability to explain these complicated concepts in a way that makes applicable sense thnx mate
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#24
Daniel

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Join Date: 10/10/2008 | Posts: 1943

 I love the song, very sweden inspired

What an article, I wonder if indifference is a passive thing or only in various situations.

BTW I sent my resume and cover letter, hopefully.
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#25
zippetydragon

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Alexander~ wrote:

EatmewhileImHOT wrote:
for the longest time I thought 'strength of reality' was some mumbo bullshit, and never fully looked at it.  I just assumed that it meant some 'mystical force' that your reality has that alters your reality in a way that can't be explained.  

I've had a strong sense of reality.  But it was external, not internal.  It crashed, and from there it's building up from square 1.

Great to sense what it feels like to have that 'alpha' feeling, though.  It's like getting a sample only to get knocked back down to getting the REAL DEAL.
nice man.

Did all you guys know that your reality and who you are are one and the same thing.

If your alpha who you are becomes the reality around you, if your beta, or a female, everything around you becomes who you are.

YOU ARE THE SOCIAL CONDITIONER. In the context.

Alex~
Wow.  Incredible insight!!
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#26
Aaron87

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Good series. Good conclusion.

Some of this was absolutely amazing for me. Other parts I just couldn't agree with.... maybe one day I will.

Thanks Alex
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#27
Laaavish

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What I've learned with accomodation to Alex's insights ->

An alpha person:

*Feels present/great in their body, doesn't matter the context just feeling good b/c they're alive and situations must be addressed; who better to address it?

*Is happy, but not in a static sense - evolving, growing, giving more and more  value. insatiable drive, on one hand selfish because it is so unreactive and self-serving but more importantly, the opponent proces is the VALUE you provide everybody through that process (smiles, certainty, good feelings, etc. especially if theyre beta who derive their state from you). There is a reason people respect the alpha-male! and its not  usually fear or negative reasons, as society often suggests (ie Wrestlers, drug dealers, Tony Soprano, etc.).

*while feeling *good* that somatic [gut] feeling is STATE. The more a person gets used to an alpha state they can get decisive about what they want, and with that gusto, clear the life-path with fiery purpose, unreactive to people's criticisms. Sex drive plays a role obv. in men wanting to be alpha, but I think its more than sex. Guys want the certainty and the positive feelings attached to being alpha, through the process of interacting with lots of hotties. SO GO DO IT! And good news, state is in your body, not your head. no need to think, just live bravely, follow your own path, and you WILL feel good.  That's all we want in the end. And that feelin' good will make others feel good, thereby making you an attractive sexy person. &^%#^%#
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#28
UtopiaFive

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I know you're joking around, but...

You realize you're allowing yourself to be defined by the one girl's reality if you think this ay? 

Why my last relationship set me back some is that I did allow myself to be defined as 'the pimp' since my girl at the time believed I was.  Then when that dropped...guess who's sense of reality went to pussy fagboy haha.  Now I have a better understanding consciously and through experience that your reality and sense of self truly must come from within you.  
jRad wrote:
 I'm actually dealing with this one girl who's ALWAYS nervous around me

apparently I'm alpha. lol

good articles mang
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#29
UtopiaFive

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Repetition is the mother of all skill!
The Boss wrote:
definetly good stuff from this series but i felt alot of the stuff was repeated....o well i guess now its drilled into my brain :)
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#30
UtopiaFive

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Alexander~

Can beta males get girls? Yes, if they have a stronger reality than the girls. But it's easy for the beta males reality to fluctuate, and with that their attraction from girls fluctuates.

I definitely have gotten this feeling a lot lately, that my reality feels strong and then later shit.  In fact, even when I'm feelin like I da shit I'll even think to myself "I love this feeling...I wish it weren't a fleeting one." 
(I might have to think some tonyrobbins and ask myself "why should I feel this way all the time?  i'm glad that i know its possible for me to")

Yet I'm not quite sure the external things that would build up a false (external) sense of a strong reality.  What do you say are the biggest external factors?  I can think of "validation from women" strengthening your shit to the point where you start to do well with more and more women, but I see my highs and lows as being independent of said validation (in fact in my lows, when I get the validation or lay, I just feel undeserving...it doesn't really get me feeling good, etc).  I could also see the 'lens through which you view your life situation' (in my case) being a factor, because I've been unemployed for a year, and at some points, haven't really cared that I was, and other points, REALLY CARED that I felt I was 'off track'.  

Clearly I'm getting too off-track of your post man, sooorry :D
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#31
Full.Metal.0_0

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being unreactive has always been one of my sticking points. i dont react or care when people honk at me, stare me down or whatever. I dont know them and my state is independent of them. But when i talk to someone i care about, ie a woman in a set and i dont get the response i want i start to worry. I am not seeking value and am not dependent on her reaction, but i feel that if i am an attractive alpha male i shouldnt be running into so much failure. I dont know how to "react to this faulure". maybe im crazy :)
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#32
Full.Metal.0_0

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being unreactive has always been one of my sticking points. i dont react or care when people honk at me, stare me down or whatever. I dont know them and my state is independent of them. But when i talk to someone i care about, ie a woman in a set and i dont get the response i want i start to worry. I am not seeking value and am not dependent on her reaction, but i feel that if i am an attractive alpha male i shouldnt be running into so much failure. I dont know how to "react to this faulure". maybe im crazy :)
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#33

tido

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Real nice work Alexander~, a very eye opening series for me.

You mentioned in one of the responses that you coach in different cities/countries, I'm wondering can one have a strong reality in a foreign country with a foreign culture? I immigrated to a new country as a kid, and believe my own reality was crushed with that experience. I did not know the language or the culture, so I did what I could to fit in, have friends, etc. But ultimately I was confused and did not know how to handle the situation. Having a strong reality is great, but we are interdependent as human beings. How can one maintain their strong reality when immigrating/visiting a foreign country? Without anyone around, without money, don’t you have to conform somehow to the culture get what you need?
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#34
irishcharm

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what a friggin' awesome article ! loved it ! 

it defines what i am going through now ! 
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#35
Alex~

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Aaron87 wrote:
Good series. Good conclusion.

Some of this was absolutely amazing for me. Other parts I just couldn't agree with.... maybe one day I will.

Thanks Alex
four years ago i wouldnt agree with what i am saying here either. :)

Alex~
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#36
Alex~

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DmKrad wrote:
Great article but one question...

WHO IS THAT GIRL BENDING OVER IN THE PICTURE ABOVE THE ARTICLE?! HOLY SHIT!!
haha i dont even know, i send them the articles, they choose the cover pictures.

Alexander~
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#37
Alex~

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Zeniues wrote:
 Could we please get some HOW TO's yeah?

Fantastic series. Alot of it resonates with me, but I just feel I'm not sure where to start.
how to's... sure. Ask a specific question and i will give a specific answer. 

Obviously bootcamp is designed to be that 'how to'. And alot of the how to's come through comfort zone pushing experiences.

Alex~
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#38
Occam

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Alexander~ wrote:
nice man.

Did all you guys know that your reality and who you are are one and the same thing.

If your alpha who you are becomes the reality around you, if your beta, or a female, everything around you becomes who you are.

YOU ARE THE SOCIAL CONDITIONER. In the context.

Alex~
Great wrap up to this series.  All the puzzle peices clicked in at the end to tie it together. Will have to read the series in entirety to get the full flow.

Love this quoted text above.  More on the mechanics and examples of that!
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#39
Alex~

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tido wrote:
Real nice work Alexander~, a very eye opening series for me.

You mentioned in one of the responses that you coach in different cities/countries, I'm wondering can one have a strong reality in a foreign country with a foreign culture? I immigrated to a new country as a kid, and believe my own reality was crushed with that experience. I did not know the language or the culture, so I did what I could to fit in, have friends, etc. But ultimately I was confused and did not know how to handle the situation. Having a strong reality is great, but we are interdependent as human beings. How can one maintain their strong reality when immigrating/visiting a foreign country? Without anyone around, without money, don’t you have to conform somehow to the culture get what you need?

UNapologetic-ness will help you to retain that congruent strong reality. But only if you dont have blind spots. By blind spots i mean your not oblivious to stupid things that you are doing or saying.

When i go to Iceland, Sweden, Romania or even chode New Zealand i have a strong reality because i dont give it away to anyone else. 

I monopolise it. The way to monopolise your reality and keep it as your own is to have PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. 

I know that personal boundaries roughly translate back to your basic human right as a guy (in social and emotional contexts) to be present, positive-dominante and a man of action.

The whole personal boundaries thing is MASSIVE. its the difference between staying cool or having it taken away from you. I'm working on this one.

Maybe ask Tyler? after all he is a genius :)

Alex~
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#40

Alexandre

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tido wrote:
You mentioned in one of the responses that you coach in different cities/countries, I'm wondering can one have a strong reality in a foreign country with a foreign culture? I immigrated to a new country as a kid, and believe my own reality was crushed with that experience. I did not know the language or the culture, so I did what I could to fit in, have friends, etc. But ultimately I was confused and did not know how to handle the situation. Having a strong reality is great, but we are interdependent as human beings. How can one maintain their strong reality when immigrating/visiting a foreign country? Without anyone around, without money, don’t you have to conform somehow to the culture get what you need?

I was in the same situation man. As Alexander said, alpha male reality is internally defined. When I immigrated, I was confused and I thought I was lower value because I didn't even know the language, I felt lost and stupid. But by immigrating to a new country, intrinsically I didn't change - I had bad feelings because I identified myself with what the other people thought about myself.
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#41
Drama

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Awesome summary.  I enjoyed this series and this article really cemented everything together.

- Zach 
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#42
Leo-~

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Dear lord, if anybody ever asks about attraction again after reading this serie...

As far as I am concerned a strong reality is all i have to offer to girls.

I would now much rather need an article on how to avoid getting raped! wink

Props to teacher
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#43
Ingvar!

Ingvar!

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/06/2008 | Posts: 332

Alexander! .. Consider yourself appreciated. LOVE these articles. 
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#44

Discipline

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/04/2009 | Posts: 170

"The foundations of an internally-defined reality are positive, whereas the foundations of an externally-derived reality are negative"

why negative?
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#45

LTS

Member

Join Date: 06/14/2009 | Posts: 84

This is actually my favorite article of the series.  This sums it all up for me about where I've come from to where I am.

Quote:
For a guy, a strong reality can come in two forms: externally-derived or internally-defined. Both can be strong realities, but one is resilient and can be absolute, while the other is fleeting and vulnerable.


Everything following that line explaining the differences between the externally derived reality and the internally defined reality is exactly where imho, everyone should look to get to.

Over the past year, two years or so of my life I've developed this mindset that has my life and my daily goals simply revolving around believing that I am living a great, great life and no one or nothing is going to take it from me until death rips it away.  Anyone who wants to come along for the ride can join, anyone who wants no part of it? Sucks for them, their loss.

And since no one is changing this, it is my internally defined reality. 

Consequently, this past year has been just tremendous in all aspects of my life and not just picking up girls.  I'm accomplishing more than I can imagine going for my masters degree right after undergrad (I'm actually going to grad school at my undergrad, great choice wrt pussy), I have an already large and ever growing social circle of really good friends, tons of women, some staying around even after hooking up, I work hard, I have a great family.  I always had stretches in my life where I let things affect me (externally defined reality time) and it was awful for my self esteem but it's been a long time now since I've gotten down on myself at all.

Feels good.


Get that internally defined reality as soon as possible guys if you don't already have that mindset. It WILL do wonders for your whole life.

Thanks for the article alex, look forward to more
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#46

KB

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/04/2008 | Posts: 398

Loving watching you slowly uncover this stuff over the last eighteen months or so - it's been a pleasure to be part of the process.

Fuck off Euroland and come back to Brisvegas already!
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#47

Futon

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/13/2009 | Posts: 14

Thank you 
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#48
sub5tance

sub5tance

Member

Join Date: 02/05/2009 | Posts: 95

Firewater wrote:
I think this is the best article of the series.  You start to lose me toward then end when you start talking about risk takers and risk evaluators though.  Alpha males and those with a strong reality don't SEEK out risk because they don't even SEE risk.  They are moving through their life with ease on a take things as they come basis.  Situations that someone with a NON-STRONG reality would experience would seem like dire straits where a man with a STRONG reality moves through these NON-SITUATIONS with ease and comfort.
This is a point worth discussing. An important part of having a strong reality and being unreactive is NOT BEING SCARED OF FAILURE. That doesn't mean you think you are bulletproof, or are always necessarily confident you can do something well. But just internalizing the concept that its important to step up and have a go at something, and screw it up, than being scared to even try.

Its why competitive sports are important for children growing up. Competition is NOT about winning. Its having the balls to put yourself out there, put your butt on the line and help your teammates (and vice versa) and learning and growing from the experience. Ditto for the game of 'Life'

Once you get into this mindset, you actually screw it up less and less, because you realize that just having a strong reality in such 'scary' situations changes people's perceptions of what screwing up *is*. In other words, if you go in acting like you're a winner, then you will look like a winner.

Some of this comes with life experience. But whether in life (or crucially, in sports and other such activities), having a supportive mentor/coach is so great. Like Alex :-) I coach soccer to under-11s (boys and girls) and this has so many parallels its not even funny.
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#49
thunderbolt

thunderbolt

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/10/2008 | Posts: 23

good
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#50
Starsailor

Starsailor

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/27/2007 | Posts: 352

This is the best series of articles I've ever read on this or any other forum.
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