Alex Gaze's Blog

Tonight I saw a girl who I know liked me recently, but I really wasn't into her and had other options so didn't really care altogether. Anyway, she was out and about with another guy. Real or delusional, which isn't too important for this article, my friend told me she was checking me out and there obviously wasn't any genuine chemistry between her and the guy.

Onto the topic…

It all starts when you see the girl you like. You're not into pickup, you don't have any positive reference experiences, and you don't approach then and there. Fortunately for you, you know you will see her again, because she comes to the place you both attend (workplace, social circle, beach, grocery store, etc.). So you say to yourself, time will come.
After a while, through exchanging some eye contact (which is btw pretty obvious and even when you're not educated you know she might as well like you if you just introduce yourself), you might eventually say „hi“ or „hello“ to her. At this point you're close to your tipping point. To proceed, you spend the next couple of days (or maybe even weeks) doing the „hi-hi“ interaction when you finally get together with her somewhere isolated (filling water or making coffee at your office, buying ice-cream at the beach, all alone in an aisle etc.), and after some prolonged eye contact you determine she'll be receptive if you introduce yourself. „Hi, I'm Alex“ and she says „hi“ back, maybe even her name. You explain yourself immediately, how you see her often, she's cute, you're shy, but always wanted to meet her (power shift completed). Fortunately for you, she really wanted for you to open her all the way back at the beginning so she is still receptive, friendly and open. You see all these positive old-school IOIs and you decide to ask for her number. You do it, she puts her number in your phone, and you go home all happy and smiley.
Your tipping point is now crossed. This tipping point usually consists of two things, very dangerous when combined. Those are imagination plus scarcity. You get a good initial reaction, you get her number and her name and your mind already starts to paint future projection pictures of you guys going out together, first kiss experience, dating, maybe even further down the road. Next two days are hell for you. You have the girl's number; what do you want to do, you want to call, at least text her. But you read somewhere of a 3-day rule, so you know you need to wait for 3 days to contact her. The day comes and you waste a couple of hours compiling a perfect message; something equally funny, interesting, compelling, witty and charming. You read it, you re-write it and finally you send it. Know you enter the scarcity all over again. Why? Because she doesn't answer. Hours pass by, you again start to play with your imagination, painting all kinds of different scenarios from her meeting someone new, not liking you anymore, to thinking you're a jerk for waiting three days and playing “the game” etc. But the phone rings. The message is here. Let's make it easy this time. She immediately agrees and says „it's a date.“ Your imagination runs wild now, you're waiting for her by the altar already. As with first message, you have a crazy couple of days planning a beautiful, interesting, exciting first date to ensure she wants to meet you again. All other plans are off, you might even rest for the day, shower three times and just wait for this glorious event.
Finally, the date comes. You might bought flowers for her, to create a romantic scenario to begin with and to be seen as a charming guy. You say she looks beautiful, not because you really think so but because you already decided you would say it, maybe she'll like you more for it. The date passes and to keep it short, let's just explain why it's usually awkward as fuck. You spend couple of hours with a person you like, maybe you honestly want to know more about her (not just to score), but you wrap it all up in a dull, boring interview-mode package, that's so undesirable and emotionally not compelling at all. Why? Because you don't mix it with other, crazier, fun stuff. You are afraid to touch her or looking for obvious excuses, especially in public places, you sit across from each other when going for a drink, and as we all know at the end of the date you dwell so much on whether or not to kiss her. „It's the first date“ you rationalize, so maybe just a kiss on the cheek. What she'll think of me? What if she rejects me? And if you maybe get the jolt of courage, you're still insecure and unsure about it so it turns out way too awkward.
By then, if she's still crazy enough to be interested you get a second date, which immediately starts with a dilemma for you. Should I kiss her on the cheek again…on the mouth maybe…just a quick hug. Arrrgh, why is this dating stuff so hard!? You spend two or three more dates to get a proper make-out, and probably a few months to sleep with her. By then, imagination plus scarcity already turned into a huge one-itis and your whole world starts revolving around her.
It really is a sad, sad situation to find yourself in. I speak from experience so if you resonate with this article, believe me, no one understands you better than I do. This post will have two more parts. The one dealing with what the girl is thinking when you do this kind of stuff and the last one what to do instead. Stay tuned, and as always respect…
                                                                                                                                                      Alex Gaze
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Senior Member

Join Date: 08/28/2012 | Posts: 108

 Damn very nice Alex. 

I'm awaiting part 2 and 3. 

Reminds me of myself almost to a tee. 
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