Alex Gaze's Blog

 
So...I still have to read the book with the same name, written by Brad Blanton, which is highly recommended to me, but this is the most suitable name for this blog entry, and you'll soon discover why. 
As you go through articles, books, different pickup styles etc. your mind gathers all this information, and as we all know, it's easy to get to the point of information overload, where you just gather data but don't do or apply much of it in real life, collecting reference experiences. But one thing that we almost always forget is being ourselves. Ah, yes. Just be yourself and everything will be alright. Seems like a faux pas dating advice, fed to you for years by society, your mother, girls around you that just want you to be nice as hell and friend-zone you, etc. But we must go further down the rabbit hole to understand it better. For the sake of this post I will be dwelling with "be yourself" advice just in the terms of the honesty principle. 
Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac. I heard this from numerous sources and, like with the advice mentioned beforehand, it's easy to think of it like some voodoo-pickup-guru-style-of-game. But bear with me for awhile. You go out, minding your own business, and you see a hot girl you like. What is your honest thought? "Wow, look at her. I want her" or something in the lines of "I want to meet her/get to know her/fuck her right then and there" (whatever it is, I don't judge :)). And then what? If you're here reading this, one thing is certain: you spent your life 'till this point not acting on it! If you were to act on that thought, act through your intentions, embrace failure, and then went out and tried again, you would probably led an awesome love life, and people would look up to you as a "natural." But, one way or another, you came here. Maybe excuses started to pop in (she has a boyfriend, she's busy), you didn't know how to actually approach or what to say, you were afraid of running out of things to say, you were afraid that she might actually like you, etc. And it's okay. One of the characteristics in people I admire most is willingness to learn, to expand your mind and horizons without judgement of any kind and to improve yourself in order to become a better person, ultimately for yourself, with other nuances coming with that (lifestyle, women, finances, etc.). 
My kind of radical honesty means simply putting yourself out there with what you have going on in your mind. If you see her and you honestly want her go do it; go approach her, go talk to her. It ultimately doesn't matter how she reacts, what she says and how it ends, because you did your job when you took action, and emerged under your blanket of comfort and security. It really doesn't matter what style of game you choose (alpha one, drama one, boring one, million-dollar-mouthpiece one), you must have it match you and your personality. My latest successes came in the form of me openly complimenting girls who caught my eye. And, as we'll see in four criterias for sucess a little bit later, when you do it because you think it, feel it and act on it, it can be, just like anything else really, most amazing thing to do and a great type of "opener." And believe me, if I do it and the girl completely blows me off, being snide, bitchy or anything like that, then I just laugh it off, simply thinking that she's not the girl for me or someone who I would want in my life anyway. The one problem that I will point out now but probably discuss it further in future writings is that when most guys compliment a girl they do it because they think it will increase their chances with her or that she will like them more, aka they do it for themselves. When you, unapologetically, act as a man, see the girl that is an absolute stunner and you express it fully to her, just because you think it's the right thing to do, not expecting anything in return, you can make miracles happen. Her eyes will light up and yeah, you will ultimately get something out of it (which is not the point but hey, it happens) because women react strongly to men who sees them as a beautiful human beings they are. 
I will conclude this entry with what I consider four criterias for success when you decide to go on an honesty path in terms of approaching women:
1. Calibration - Just like with any other styles, when guys first hear of something new they take it to heart, without questioning it or why it works, and they have a hard time realizing why it doesn't work when they do it. We know the famous "calibrate after the fact" idea but here you must do it beforehand as well. Why? Because let's face it. If you see a cute girl behind the counter at a deli store, you're standing in line, walk up to her, and say "I think you're hot. I want to fuck you in the back of the store" you might think you're acting honestly and being ballsy, but you're actually just being a jerk. And, sadly, you're being a jerk just for the sake of it. Sure, if you go with the "let's fuck" line in the field, you'll have an occasional success or two, but I think that's not the reason why we're here for, and I think there's no need to further clarify my view on this idea;
2. Social intuition - A close relative to calibration, social intuition gets you to places you haven't gone before. Then, it implants the idea you learn there so you now know better the next time you find yourself in the same situation. That's actually what being social savvy is all about. Being a confident guy also means you can open any girl, any time, without much dependence on the outcome. But, when you go through that hundreds and thousands of times, you get the feel for it, and know that sometimes it's better to isolate a girl before doing stuff you want to do to her, rather than doing it in front of her peer group;
3. Being unfiltered - This is also a big part of radical honesty implementation and I think it's quite obvious why. Hank Moody always comes to my mind here, and it's actually very much like that. You say what's on your mind, most of the times just saying what other people are thinking anyway, but because of their social upbringing, conditioning, etc. they can't let it out. You're just expressing yourself fully, if you want to compliment a girl, you'll do it without thinking "will she like it", if you want to tell a joke you'll do it as well, without thinking "will she think it's funny";
4. Congruence - And finally, it all comes down to congruence. If you're just starting out don't get too caught up in just one style of game. It can and probably will hinder your progress, unless you are lucky enough to pick the one that suits your personality 100%. Try stuff out (many times), don't be afraid to fail, implement and further work on the stuff that works for you, and discard the stuff that doesn't. A lot of us started with indirect approaches after reading and studying "The Game" and went on a "direct approach wagon" some time later. That doesn't mean that indirect approaches are lousy, not if they work for you and you get the results you want. And I think "fake it 'till you make it" is a shitty advice when it comes to this. You can apply it to internal stuff like confidence, being comfortable around women and in a new venue, but when it comes to building your style of game and yourself as a person along with it, the most important thing you need to ask yourself is "what do I want." And when you figure that out, and then you go and implement this principles (not techniques, but principles underneath them) in the field, you'll see a tremendeous progress and you'll be shocked to realize you had it in you for a long, long time. 
Respect...
                  Alex Gaze
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Tonight I saw a girl who I know liked me recently, but I really wasn't into her and had other options so didn't really care altogether. Anyway, she was out and about with another guy. Real or delusional, which isn't too important for this article, my friend told me she was checking me out and there obviously wasn't any genuine chemistry between her and the guy.

Onto the topic…

It all starts when you see the girl you like. You're not into pickup, you don't have any positive reference experiences, and you don't approach then and there. Fortunately for you, you know you will see her again, because she comes to the place you both attend (workplace, social circle, beach, grocery store, etc.). So you say to yourself, time will come.
After a while, through exchanging some eye contact (which is btw pretty obvious and even when you're not educated you know she might as well like you if you just introduce yourself), you might eventually say „hi“ or „hello“ to her. At this point you're close to your tipping point. To proceed, you spend the next couple of days (or maybe even weeks) doing the „hi-hi“ interaction when you finally get together with her somewhere isolated (filling water or making coffee at your office, buying ice-cream at the beach, all alone in an aisle etc.), and after some prolonged eye contact you determine she'll be receptive if you introduce yourself. „Hi, I'm Alex“ and she says „hi“ back, maybe even her name. You explain yourself immediately, how you see her often, she's cute, you're shy, but always wanted to meet her (power shift completed). Fortunately for you, she really wanted for you to open her all the way back at the beginning so she is still receptive, friendly and open. You see all these positive old-school IOIs and you decide to ask for her number. You do it, she puts her number in your phone, and you go home all happy and smiley.
Your tipping point is now crossed. This tipping point usually consists of two things, very dangerous when combined. Those are imagination plus scarcity. You get a good initial reaction, you get her number and her name and your mind already starts to paint future projection pictures of you guys going out together, first kiss experience, dating, maybe even further down the road. Next two days are hell for you. You have the girl's number; what do you want to do, you want to call, at least text her. But you read somewhere of a 3-day rule, so you know you need to wait for 3 days to contact her. The day comes and you waste a couple of hours compiling a perfect message; something equally funny, interesting, compelling, witty and charming. You read it, you re-write it and finally you send it. Know you enter the scarcity all over again. Why? Because she doesn't answer. Hours pass by, you again start to play with your imagination, painting all kinds of different scenarios from her meeting someone new, not liking you anymore, to thinking you're a jerk for waiting three days and playing “the game” etc. But the phone rings. The message is here. Let's make it easy this time. She immediately agrees and says „it's a date.“ Your imagination runs wild now, you're waiting for her by the altar already. As with first message, you have a crazy couple of days planning a beautiful, interesting, exciting first date to ensure she wants to meet you again. All other plans are off, you might even rest for the day, shower three times and just wait for this glorious event.
Finally, the date comes. You might bought flowers for her, to create a romantic scenario to begin with and to be seen as a charming guy. You say she looks beautiful, not because you really think so but because you already decided you would say it, maybe she'll like you more for it. The date passes and to keep it short, let's just explain why it's usually awkward as fuck. You spend couple of hours with a person you like, maybe you honestly want to know more about her (not just to score), but you wrap it all up in a dull, boring interview-mode package, that's so undesirable and emotionally not compelling at all. Why? Because you don't mix it with other, crazier, fun stuff. You are afraid to touch her or looking for obvious excuses, especially in public places, you sit across from each other when going for a drink, and as we all know at the end of the date you dwell so much on whether or not to kiss her. „It's the first date“ you rationalize, so maybe just a kiss on the cheek. What she'll think of me? What if she rejects me? And if you maybe get the jolt of courage, you're still insecure and unsure about it so it turns out way too awkward.
By then, if she's still crazy enough to be interested you get a second date, which immediately starts with a dilemma for you. Should I kiss her on the cheek again…on the mouth maybe…just a quick hug. Arrrgh, why is this dating stuff so hard!? You spend two or three more dates to get a proper make-out, and probably a few months to sleep with her. By then, imagination plus scarcity already turned into a huge one-itis and your whole world starts revolving around her.
It really is a sad, sad situation to find yourself in. I speak from experience so if you resonate with this article, believe me, no one understands you better than I do. This post will have two more parts. The one dealing with what the girl is thinking when you do this kind of stuff and the last one what to do instead. Stay tuned, and as always respect…
                                                                                                                                                      Alex Gaze
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