Alaix1985's Blog

hey guys, this isnt my first time out sargin, but defintely my first time writing about it. anyways, im 26 and new to pick up. i approached at least 4 different peoples/groups tonight. half of which i knew. i had to get drunk before i could approach them. i know i shouldnt get get drunk to approach these groups, but im really insecure. anyways, i did alright tonight, my goal was to get into state but i only did for about 30 mintues.  anybody got any suggestions for a newbie who has to get his shit together without depending on alcohol?

p.s. ive already listened to flawless, transformation, foundation, blueprint, jeffy, etc
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The Struggler

The Struggler

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/21/2011 | Posts: 129

For what it's worth...

That's a lot of reading, but for all the reading and advice you get, you still have to 'beat' Approach Anxiety (AA). You can't improve if you don't approach.

If you've learned enough to allow you to 'jump in the deep end' then jump. Most coaches regularly say that you will learn 'much' quicker this way.

If you can't do that, then you may need crutches, just to get you started. i.e., things you use to get you around AA. As handy as they sound they're covering a fundamental weakness, which you will have to address soon or later.

Something crutches you can use to get around AA include:

* Social gaming: gaming people you've already been introduced to. Won't solve you cold approach problems, but will allow you try other stuff and build up your confindence etc.
* Wingmen: having a fun interaction with a like minded buddy can help put you, or them, into a state where you feel like you can approach. As long as one of you opens a set the other feels less AA when joining the group -- in a similar way to social gaming.
* Workers warm up (WWU): this is a personal term, as I've not seen this mentioned in the community (so far) and comes from my own 'routines' days. You basically just adjust a standard opener, so part of it is delievered to a wingman / friend / stooge, then you hit the opener on the target.

We personally found this worked really well on nights when we had cronic AA. On a bad night, going from 'silence' to 'opening hot girl' felt like going from 0mph to 100mph. Like leaping off a train, like your legs won't keep up. Whilst using the WWU felt like you were building up to 60mph and then making the small jump to opening the girl. If that makes sense.

[Of course any mention of 'routines' will problem get you flamed in the community these days, but a couple of them to start the interaction can feel really helpful to you when you first approaching -- after all, some people get AA worse than others and we aren't all fortunate enough to have fellow PUA's of instructors there to help us.]
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