Today the 14th of June of 2011 I begin this blog with the intention to document my life as I train myself to become a PUA, a pick up artist, a ladies man, a womanizer, a Casanova, a Don Juan, whatever you want to call it. My goal is to reach the point where I can approach any woman I want, any time, and successfully start an intimate sexual relationship with her. But I just don't want to approach any woman, I want to approach the most beautiful woman there is, the star of the night, the woman every man dream of... my goal is to fearlessly approach, initiate an interaction with her, build an incredible connection that leads all the way to sex, and beyond. I'm sure we all share a very similar path.
However, my story does not begin today. I was born in 1983, in a small remote town in Colombia, only child from a separated couple, I was raised by my mother and my grandmother and I only saw my father on weekends or holidays. All my life I was an incredibly shy boy too an extreme level; extremely self conscious, fearful of everything, of life, of people, of social situations. My inability to express my emotions led to a depressive and pessimistic adolescence. By the age of 21 I had never kissed a girl and I had never held hands with a girl I liked. It was impossible for me to initiate a conversation with a human being; I wasn't even capable of asking the time to a stranger... I thought that I was dead, that my soul had perished: my confidence and self-esteem was at the very bottom of the scale.
A day came when I decided that perhaps it was possible to change... I'm not sure if it was actually a conscious realization or a deeper level of unaware understanding. Nevertheless, the seed for change had finally sprouted within my brain. At that time, maybe when I was around 20 years old (2003), for the first time ever, I actively tried to change... I started by looking for information on how to overcome shyness. This first step and this first knowledge helped me to become aware of the shy or introvert behaviors that I had; for the first time I knew in which way my introverted and shy personality translated into certain specific behaviors. I learned that I was not alone, that shyness is a lot more common than people think; I started to recognize shy behaviors in other people... all that at a very basic level. It all gave me a bit more confidence.
It is funny because even thought I was so incredibly shy unable at all to make a move, I still had opportunities to meet women and start a relationship, some of them actually beautiful... but not once I took the chance, even when I knew the girl liked me. The only thing I could do was to write anonymous poems and love letters to the girls I fancied... that's as far as I went.
In any case, in the year 2004, I was 21 then, I graduated from collage in Bogotá and I had just recently known that I would be traveling to Sweden to start a PhD. My level of confidence increased a little bit more knowing that soon I would be in Sweden, doing what I wanted, finally starting a life of my own, finally and for the first time living alone, by myself. It was a wonderful feeling. So about three or four months before I left to Sweden I met through a friend the girl who would become my first girlfriend. She was petite but quite chubby, fair skin, full mouth, big tits, funny and happy girl... after a trip with my friend and his friends she contacted me by email and added me to messenger. I was never attracted to her but she kept in touch and I was getting along well with her (by mail and messenger) until one day, out of the blue she asked me on a chatting session if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I said: "sure, why not". We became a couple and although it wasn't the best thing ever and there was a lot of creepy shit going on with her and her family; she gave me the opportunity for the first time to start my first romantic and sexual contact. I kissed a girl for the first time, I made out for the first time, I held hands for the first time, we did not have sex though but she gave me a couple of lame blow jobs, I went down on her a few times too. I broke up with her a couple of weeks before going to Sweden, so the entire thing lasted for no more than three months.
The 2nd of November of the year 2004, I landed in Arlanda Airport, Stockholm... a dark winter night, rainy, just barely above freezing, with my-never-tried-before-in-real-life English, completely unaware that my life was about to change radically and forever.
I lived in Uppsala for 5 years, a small student city about 70 km north from Stockholm. This is the place where the real transformation began. It all started the next day, 3rd of November, while I was walking in the streets with some of my new work mates doing the necessary processes for registering myself in Sweden. I had never seen in my entire life such high concentration of beautiful women, I was in awe, I was blown away! Everywhere I went, in every street, at every turn, there were all these hot blondes just as if they had all materialized from a fashion magazine. Something changed in me at that very time, a fire was ignited in my heart, I felt courage for the first time in my life.
The second trigger happened a couple of months later. I was at my very first open student party at one of the university dorms (commonly known there as corridors) in Flogsta (a student neighborhood), where lots of students came to party, drink, dance, and get to know new people. It is usually a very international environment with students all over the world and this night I had been invited by an Italian guy. So I'm just hanging out there when this gorgeous Swedish hippy chick, totally drunk, came to me and started talking about cosa nostra and some other nonsense... I had just met her and she was leaning in so much that her beautiful face was just a few centimeters apart from mine... I remember her green eyes and her red lips. Nothing happened that night but the fire in my heart burnt with a little more intensity.
The third trigger happened perhaps a few days later. The Italian guy had asked me to join him with a few other friends to one of the student associations (called Nations) where they usually had a nightclub. Before that time I had always been afraid of nightclubs, it freaked the hell out of me, I didn't know how to dance (I didn't dare to dance as a matter of fact)... but that night it was different. I don't know why I was not afraid this time to go to the nightclub; perhaps because the new fire in my heart and the anticipation of the incredibly beautiful girls made that fear to vanish.
At some moment, my Italian friend dived into the dance floor, he disappeared for a few seconds, and next thing I knew, I saw him coming out of the dancing crowd holding hands with an extremely beautiful, tall, blonde chick, he just had met. My Italian friend was not particularly good looking, he had a huge beard, he was dressed like everyday, a worn out white t-shirt and a worn out pull on top, some old dirty jeans, and a pair of sneakers... My jaw dropped! "What is this?" I thought. I was introduced to a new reality.
When I came home that night, I went to google and typed: "how to seduce women". These brought me for the first time to the "pick-up" community. I found eye-opening material, first I saw a website called pickup101, where I read for the first time that it is possible to just walk up to a woman on a bar and approach her... from then on I started to read more and more, David deAngelo's double your dating was a huge one first, I saw the seminars... then I knew about Neil Strauss' The Game, I learnt about the Mystery Method, Real Social Dynamics and others, bought books, watched more seminars, and found everything that was available on the net.
This was all happening little by little through the end of the winter, beginning of 2005, and the start of the spring. Then on another corridor party I am introduced to a beautiful Swedish girl that would become my first Swedish girlfriend. It was the first time in my life that I had the confidence built in me to ask for her number, it was the first time that I was confident enough to actually call her later to ask her out, it was the first time I initiated the first kiss... and I lost my virginity to her (I was then 22, a late bloomer). It was special because I really liked her and we got along quite well. The relationship lasted for about three months or so, and even though it was short, she is still my friend until this day.
After her and during the next four years I met more women, some Swedish, some from other countries too, I fell in love, I fell out of love, I had some beautiful sexual experiences and some a little crazier ones.
During the year 2005 and 2008 my personality changed radically. I went from being an extremely shy guy to become a very outgoing person. The change was unbelievable... I became truly confident with myself, life suddenly seemed so beautiful. During that time there was always a girl around, and some romance or sexual adventure going on. However, I was never very disciplined with my game, I hesitated a lot to approach, I didn't push the interaction to the next levels, I almost rarely approached the hottest girls. My success was very inconsistent, many nights I would not approach at all, and just drank and danced until I was wasted. My game never became that good, my skills never reached a true level of competence and complete internalization. I suddenly had become once again comfortable with just going out to the nightclub with my friends and not approaching at all. I had become comfortable at a very mediocre level... certainly I had gone a long way since before traveling to Sweden, but I was still unsatisfied, I wasn't meeting the women that I wanted in my life, I was still afraid to approach, and the fire in my heart burnt out.
During the time from mid 2008 to 2011, I had many dates but no sex at all. Had I reverted to my chode AFC wuss ways? I don't know exactly what happened... I was still going out frequently, I was meeting women here and there, but I was not able to take the interaction to a sexual level: comfort and mediocrity seems to me like the most likely explanation.
In any case, at the beginning of February 2010 I moved to France. I was starting a new job in Paris after my PhD. The amount of beautiful women here is incredible too. I'm still going out with not very good results, I don't dare to approach. It sucks…
Yet, because of some recent events that I will narrate in my next post, I'm starting to feel that the fire within me is coming alive, a phoenix is being born from those ashes. That is why I start this blog as I return to the path of the Venusian Artist, of the Pick Up Artist. It is time for me to take it to the next level and I will document my progress in here.
As I mentioned above, my goal is to date and build intimate sexual relationships with women of outstanding quality. The 10s in minds and bodies... that's the level I want to achieve, that's the level I'm going to achieve. I want my social circle to be filled with the most beautiful women. That's my mission, that is my path, and I won't rest until I get there. I shall not give up.