a.folchdecardona's Blog

 
On Saturday night I did 0 approaches: zero, nothing, nada. We went to the perfect venue, a great bar called Point Ephémère: beautiful women, a large quiet space for talking with an exhibition of comic art perfect for situational openers, a dance floor with good music, great vibe, friendly people. Yet I did not approached a single time, I was aware of all these advantageous factors but I couldn't approach. I ran some relatively good interactions on Friday (compared to no interactions at all) and in spite of that I couldn't approach. I have approached before, I have met women by cold approaching successfully, I have never had a rude or violent response, yet I did not approach. It is as if every single time I want to approach it was the first time.

Approach Anxiety. How does it feel? It is not that I feel nervous; perhaps it is the fear of feeling nervous even before you feel anything at all, something psychological, it is deep in your mind, you can not really feel anything, it just prevents you from taking action. It is as if you ask me to solve a complex mathematical equation about the physics of general relativity, when I'm just a high school student. It is as if there was some kind of emptiness between her and you that can't be crossed. There is no amount of reasoning or convincing that can put me into motion and start an approach, there is no amount of reading or game planning that can put me into action. This is something like a virus that prevents some behavioral programs to start running.

I first learnt about game in 2005, so it is 6 years since I've been trying to deal with this. Some days I'm happy, "I'm in state" and I can do some approaches, but the majority of the times I do not approach a single time, even if I get proximity, even if I get eye contact, even if I know for sure that she wants to talk to me. Some other days I'm happy, I'm in state, and I do not approach either.

I feel like I need to shock myself out of this situation. Like I need to detonate a nuclear bomb in my brain and tear my body apart. It makes me feel like committing sepukku. It makes me feel like leaving society, living all material possessions and go to a Shaolin monastery to learn kung fu in a remote mountain of China. It makes me feel like abandoning civilization and becoming a sailor in the Ghost of Wolf Larsen ... I need to strengthen my resolve, my soul is made of cotton and I must turn it into steel.
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#1
Euphoric

Euphoric

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 188

Yeah, I get that way sometimes too.  I like to think of it as if I gain experience with ever approach or every social experience I get.  That way, there is always something good that comes out of every experience because even if you get rejected hardcore, the next time that kind of thing happens, you will be more tolerant to it.  You will care less and it won't affect you as much.  I also like to look at things on a larger scale or "look at the bigger picture".  For example, one night of approaches is only a very small step toward your goal of becoming a huge player, if that's what you want.  I really believe that it's true what Jeffy says, "The pain of not approaching will be worse than the pain of approaching and getting rejected."
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#2

a.folchdecardona

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/24/2011 | Posts: 27

I totally agree. The pain of going home without approaching at all is getting ubearable... I can tolerate it anymore. I can't tolerate coward or fearful behavior in me any more. Easy to say, yeah... but that's really how I feel.
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#3

mycleverid

Member

Join Date: 05/01/2011 | Posts: 89

Have you ever done any work that required cold calling people?

It's a weird suggestion, but I would suggest picking up a job where you do cold calling.  I've done a ton of cold calling my lifetime, first for other businesses and then for my own.  And I've found if you can sell junk to people who don't want it, approaching a girl is nothing.

I mean, hell, find some company that pays minimum wage to sell newspaper subscriptions to people and just do it part-time for the experience.

I worked as a reporter for a while and the toughest call I ever had to make was to a widow to ask her about a story that involved her dead husband stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from the school district.  If you can call a woman and ask her what she thinks about the fact her dead hubby was stealing from taxpayers and kids, well, sheeeee-it, everything's easy to ask after that.
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#4

a.folchdecardona

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/24/2011 | Posts: 27

No, actually I've never tried cold calling. I even have problems with warm calling... it should be a good idea, thanks!!
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