a.folchdecardona's Blog

 
Friday 24th of June

After last Saturday I was feeling really sad and disappointed at myself. Everything perfect and I couldn't do a single approach. The fallout left me reflecting a lot... it is not the first time I've experienced this; quite many times actually, I fear that it will be a cycle I won't be able to break. I've been trying to figure out a way out of this, to gather courage, to become braver, to climb the mountain of cold approaching. I came up with a little fix... may be just a band-aid to the problem but I hope it encourages me to approach more and be more consistent.

Last year, a female friend from Italy and her girl friend were visiting me in Paris. Her friend, she should be around 26-27 years old, pulled out of her wallet a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and in it there was a list of all the men she had made out before with... with an asterisk it was marked the guys she had sex with. The list was huge! Perhaps around 40 or 50 guys and about half of those she had fucked.

So I decided to do a similar list to remind me that I have approached before, that I have ran some good interactions before, that I have met women successfully in my life, that I can do this, that I must not fear.

My list contains 19 women that I have made out with, with 8 of them I've had a sexual interaction of some sort... ranges from genital-to-genital contact with no penetration to the full monty. This over a period of 7 years. It gives an average of 2.7 women per year. I think it is a pretty low number, say something like one fuck and two kisses... a year?

In any case, the list will serve me two purposes. First, to remind me that I can do this, that I have done this. Second, to encourage me to increase that average.

Tonight I'll come back to the same venue of last time; I'll be with a couple of my male friends. I also made a list of openers, routines, and things to say or do (of my very own)... some of those I have done before, some of those I want to try... hoping to have them fresh in my mind. What will happen tonight? What will happen tomorrow? Only one thing should happen! I do what a man must do, answer the evolutionary call.

I'll be posting the results of the weekend next Monday the 27th.
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