a.folchdecardona's Blog

 
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. This weekend I lost.

I experienced something that has been a real test to the strength of my reality and the strength of my core. Transformative.

I went out for drinks to a place called the Long Hop. It's a British pub in the heart of Paris, it's pretty good, laid-back, target rich, with a small dance-floor. I find easy to approach in this place.

I invited my friend and wing CA, my very good friend from Colombia and roommate (let's call him AD), and another male friend from France. Later in the night a couple of Polish girls came to meet us. They know I'm into pick up, but only CA knows about game and strategies, poorly though.

I'm the only one doing approaches, all of them went good and friendly interactions initiated, I number-closed a girl but it flaked later. We're dancing, talking, having fun... the bar is closing so we leave. Outside the bar I approached a couple of American girls; they are cute, 7s both, but not particularly hot. One of those (let's call her Julia) was giving me strong IOIs, I'm gaming her well... I'm pretty much leading the interactions all the time.

Keep in mind that my male friends are sticking to me all the time, we're good friends, so we stick together (crass error! I should have isolated the target early on, do this thing on my own).

We venue-changed, I dragged them all to a bar that's open until the morning, the Polish girls went home.

Then my friend AD started hitting on my target Julia. He hits on everything that moves, he's a bit of a natural, tall, good-looking guy, without regard for others: he might not have been aware of might intentions… or he might have been. Julia is open for adventures that night. She's probably looking for a guy and has not made up her mind just yet... so she flirts with AD and me at the same time. I'm unaware of these, since everything is covered under the blanket of friendship and fun times, we are all together... the interaction is getting animated: I’m having fun, not paying much attention of what’s going on. I left the group to approach another set... returned later.

We left the venue, Julia's friend and CA went home. So it is Julia, AD, my other friend and I. We go to some other bar and order a bottle of Nikka, Japanese whisky, and the place closed (around 4.00 am) before we finished the bottle. We can not take the bottle with us so they said that we could leave it in the bar and come back tomorrow to finish it. That guarantees a day-2 at least.

We left, we ended up taking a bath on the Seine: fucking hilarious. We're having a blast the four of us. Since we went on the river with our underwear, they got wet; when we put our clothes back on we decided (Julia and I) to put our jeans on without underwear.

To this point everything is alright, super fun, I think I'm getting a good connection with this chick, strong eye contact... the kino is constant and so everything seems fine. (I'm sure that AD is also thinking that he has a chance with her).

[Notice my way of thinking? I realize now is so chody, so AFC-like, such a wuss… did I think I had a chance with her? I should have just taken her!]

While we're walking, all of a sudden Julia grabs my dick (over the jeans), she just went for it... She took me by surprise so I might have reacted in a very chode-like manner because she immediately started to apologize. I'm so dumb, this was my chance to make her mine, grab her and made out with her. But my training is yet incomplete, so my chode behaviors still get the best of me at times like this when I should show my PUA power.

In any case, we go to a diner, have some food... at some moment, Julia said: "I'm so horny". (That explains why she grabbed my dick all of a sudden!). I should have taken her by the hand and lead her somewhere else to make out (it was logistically feasible). But no... I did nothing.

Not acting when I had to, would come back to hurt me the next day.

AD had also got her number.

We went home, and met up the next day, Saturday afternoon. We were meeting for dinner, some drinks and to come back for the Whisky bottle. Julia brings a girlfriend, and I'm with AD. So it's like a double date...

So I had two choices here... go for Julia or go for her friend. But since I had already had a good interaction with her, I decided to focus on her. In any case, during the entire night my friend AD is hitting on her really hard, it's not even funny. She's responding to him, so the more it happens the more self-conscious I become... My state plummeted down. I didn’t know what to do.

I'm starting to feel like the biggest chode in history, trying at the same time to look cool and unaffected. Inside I'm feeling like shit.

AD is a good friend of mine, I know him since we were children. We went to same school, we have always been close friends, always sharing the same circle of friends until I left to Sweden. It is by chance that we ended up in Paris at the same time.

The second girl left early so it is Julia, AD and I. Great!

I had already accepted defeat, so I just wanted to get hammered... but I've been drinking so much lately that it seems no quantity of alcohol can obliterate my mind and memory.

Julia went to the toilet, so AD said to me with a huge smirk on his face: "this chick is hitting on me really hard, I think she wants me... I don't know man, what's gonna happen, I'm just thinking of you". I swear if we were living in feudal Japan I would have slashed him in two.

In any case, she takes him home. I go back to my place alone.

The inner conflict begins, trying to fight the feelings of resentment, anger, and disappointment boiling in my heart; against the world and against myself.

At least, I should remain unaffected... after all she's not even that physically attractive.

I have been really nice all my life. I've been the kindest, most compassionate man. I've been caring and sensitive to people's emotions. I've avoided any sort of conflict... to the point that I've suppressed my anger for most of my life. Holding back, holding back, holding back everything. To the point that I would sacrifice my own interest for others. To the point that I almost never speak up my mind even when it's necessary. To the point of being underestimated and disrespected. I guess that explains why I was a virgin until I knew about the community about 7 years ago. I guess that explains why I was the exact opposite of what a natural should be.

But all that self of mine is just fake... is just bullshit.

The dark side of my soul is taking over... I feel myself changing, slowly but it's happening. It must happen NOW. RIGHT NOW.

I'm upset, I'm angry.

I want to go out and pick up. To redeem myself, to get a step closer to my goal.

That noble man that I've been dies today.

Die Tanai, die.

Be reborn fearless.

Fight.

I shall have a new name.

I shall earn a new name.

For the moment I'll go nameless.

From now on I swear to the God of Pick Up that I'll not hold back.

I will succeed in this quest.

I will achieve mastery no matter what it takes.

The bullshit is over.
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Comments

#1

CasaBrova

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/17/2011 | Posts: 21

Looks to me like what you see as losing I see as #winning. You should look into utilizing negatives as positives and letting them drive you to greatness. That's what I do.
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#2

a.folchdecardona

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/24/2011 | Posts: 27

Thanks man, you're right. It was a tremendous learning experience. Tonight is a new night and I'll be there, gaming.
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