a.folchdecardona's Blog

Some recent events made me reflect quite a bit on the state of my inner game, on the state of my soul, my self appreciation. It had been about three years since I had sex the last time. It SUCKS big time! BIG TIME! And finally in a kind of weird episode I ended the dry spell.

So a couple of months ago I was at a place called Divan du Monde, a nightclub in Montmartre not particularly fancy. It was an event organized for expats in Paris; so the whole idea is to mingle, get to know some new people, and have a great party with a bunch of international people. I had come with a friend that knew already a cute Polish girl from a previous event, and she had brought another girl, also from Poland. Let’s call this second girl Miss X.

Miss X was about my size tall, short hair, brunette, not particularly fit, well dressed but not particularly pretty. She was not particularly my type at all. So I did not really try to pick her up, flirt with her, or anything remotely romantic. I limited myself to be friendly and chat her up while my friend flirted with the other Polish girl.

The night passed and so did the beers and the mojitos, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some shots also passed…

We decided to go to the dance floor… and there I am dancing with Miss X… and what she didn’t have in physical attractiveness she compensated with La Pasión because next thing I know I am swinging her around the dance floor, spinning around, and doing certain acrobatics, which I’m only capable of performing after I’ve crossed a specific threshold of drunkenness. Next thing I know I’m making out with here… and then… AMNESIA.

When I recovered my awareness, my capacity for reasoning and for memorizing, I was wrapped in a passionate embrace of love at an unknown location (her place: more exactly, her bed), clothes nowhere to be seen. I’ve never done it before being so wasted… probably the clumsiest and most uncoordinated performance I’ve ever had, but it was passionate nonetheless. Her hunger for love was insatiable, which is always a good thing despite my instrument for female satisfaction not working properly.

I started freaking out for some crazy and mysterious reason, so I said: “I need to go to the toilet”. I got up the bed and as I’m going out the room I saw my clothes all over the place… I peed, put on my clothes as fast as I could, and got the hell out of that place. I muttered hurriedly: “Oh! I have to go, I have to go now!” She, sticking her head out of the room with an expression of incredulity, saw me part never to see me again.

Outside the sun shone with intensity.

After much thinking about this, I have concluded that such kind of events originate from an imbalance in my inner game. There’s something not quite right in the way I see myself and this, of course, is reflected in my lack of sexual relationships or ending up with some ugly chick doing something that I would regret later. I have to regain my confidence, I have to strengthen my self-esteem, and I have to heal my wounds. I wish that night had not happened; however I feel that I have hit rock bottom and this event has ignited in me the desire to step up my game and take it to the mastery level.

I have started to review all the material I have on pick up, carefully and diligently. Soon I’ll be out again with a detailed plan of action: it’s time to change things.
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