a.folchdecardona's Blog

 
How often do you feel that the path you have chosen isn’t the right one? That the many years that you have invested in a career path have not led to the satisfactions you were expecting?

When I was 16 I went to university to study Biology, and right after I went to Sweden to do a PhD in biochemistry. Right after I came to France to continue doing postdoctoral research. At that time it was fun… I had a scientific brain. I thought science was the right path for me. Now I’m 28. I feel I’ve changed and that science is not right for me anymore, that I must find a new path, that my brain is not fit for science anymore.

Leaving science and transitioning to something else seems to me quite a big risk. I have to help my mother and my father economically, both are alone, without pension, without a job. Transitioning could mean several months without income, getting a lower paid job for a time, lots of uncertainty and anxiety… the problem is that I don’t even know what I truly want, career wise.

I fear that change, that transition… I think that fear that lies within me, fear to take big risks, to take big chances, is the same fear that stalls my game and prevents me from reaching mastery level. It’s the fear that stops me from going for the kiss, or for a number, or that keeps me from escalating. It’s the same fear that stops me from going out alone, or to approach in broad daylight at the bus station.

I think the only solution is by pushing me to take risks. Taking risks means that sometime you will fail and sometimes you will succeed. I must be ready to experience the pain of failure, at a professional level and at a relationship level. I’ve been taking little risks here and there, starting by approaching more at the nightclub, to speak my mind even if it may lead to conflict… I’m planning to tattoo my arms, just to challenge myself, go trough the pain, and at the same time so that they could remind me of the man I want to be and the way I want to live my life. I'll upload pics when they are done.

My French residence permit expires in January. I have until then to figure out what I want to do, whether I stay in science or not, and get a new job. I should be also pulling ass more regularly by January, I want to become and expert at getting one-night stands.

In any case, last Friday I met a Colombian female friend for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant, she had invited two other Colombian and a Singaporean girl who I did not know. The latter brought with her 4 other young (20-22) girls. We went out for drinks after and venue-changed a couple of times. I was very social the whole time, approached a few sets, but at the end I did not escalate any interaction. Everything stayed on friendly terms. I got the number of the Singaporean girl, she loves to party just as much as I do and this weekend (that starts today Wednesday: tomorrow Thursday is national holiday, and on Friday my work is closed too) I’ll be meeting her again and her friends.

On Saturday I stayed at home, I had to go to the airport to pick up my Finnish friend that was visiting from Sunday to yesterday. I was LJBFed by her, by the time we went for the day-2, about 4 years ago. We became great friends.

I’ll be out pretty much from today until Saturday. I’ll post next week the results of my game.

I must change, I must be better, I must be brave, I must not give a fuck.
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#1

RSDNICO

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2011 | Posts: 457

yea dude, same for me,  transition time.
I might start to play in a new music band, and start a music school. I m twenty nine.
Hey check my though on a one month immersion gaming in august, on my blog.

But for the transition. ask your self everyday :
what s the most important for me TODAY?. untill you get clear on your path.
peace.
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