a.folchdecardona's Blog

Just one week passed since my first pull. Saturday I was able to seduce my first French girl (I came to France a year and a half ago), pull #2 since I started posting on RSD. She was 34 (6 years older than me), brunette, blue eyes, about my height 5'6", a little shy...

I met with a friend to visit a nightclub called 1979: it was supposed to be a soul music night, but it ended up being more like R&B. At the beginning of the night, about midnight, I was with some approach anxiety. It took maybe an hour before I decided to do my first approach... not before I had a couple of tequila shots. That's pretty bad.

I opened the set by asking where they were from. I remember telling her at some moment while we were dancing: "I'm trying really hard not to kiss you". She was like: "Not here, my friends will see us". I took her from the hand to another part of the nightclub and kissed her there.

I live really far away from the city, out in the suburbs, and it's kind of complicated to get there so we had to go to her place. It's a big logistic problem that I must solve. We took a cab to her place, she made some tea, we made out some more, clothes off... for some reason my dick wasn't as hard as it can be... so putting in the condom was complicated. So it all ended in me performing cunnilingus until she came. That was in the sofa of her apartment... we moved to her bed, slept for a while and about 10.00 am I'm hard like a rock. She was pretty horny too, we did it without condom (shit!!)... and I came outside her after about 3 minutes of thrusting. So lame, but whatever... it's been so long that I've had sex on a regular basis that I'm not surprise this kind of shit happened.

The day before, Friday night... two male friends and I went to a big Irish Pub in Montmartre, it's mostly full of tourists and foreigners. The place gets crazier as the night goes on. It has a dance floor and a lot of young girls. I opened a 3-set, two girls and one guy from the Netherlands visiting France for a few days... at some moment, I asked one of the girls to come with me to the bar, I said that we should have a tequila shot. She agreed and came with me, her friends didn't mind at all. We had the tequila shot and we started making out. I stayed with her the rest of the night and found out later that she was just 18 years old (10 years younger). She had massive boobs, shorter than me but she was on high heels so that made her just about my height. Sweet little girl... about 4.00 am we reunited with her friends, my buddies are long gone. We went for pizza, but the pull was impossible; since they were having a tour to some other region in France at 8.00 am. A pity!

This was a very long weekend, Friday and Saturday night. I slept very little, drank a lot, plus the sexual interactions... on Sunday when I came home about noon, I was obliterated. I slept 12 uninterrupted hours, woke up, drank some water, and I slept 2 more hours. And I'm still feeling tired... I'm glad I'm on holidays.

I didn't imagine that just one week after my first pull I would have the second. I was a little afraid that perhaps the first time it was not because of my improved social skills but just a fluke of the night. The fact that this weekend went so well, leads me to feel a bit more confident that my training has paid off.

Next Wednesday I go back home to Colombia, I'll be there about 20 days... I'm going to be with my family most of the time so probably there won't be much chance to pick up. It's been three and a half years since I saw my dad and almost 2 years since I saw my mom for the last time. I'll update the blog once I'm back and I resume my training in the social skills of pick up.
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The effort has paid off. I pulled last night after 1 month and 23 days since I wrote my first post; the moment of commitment to step up my game and to achieve mastery. I'm very happy, because it had been three years already since the last time I had sex: and when I did had sex, like three or four months ago, it was with this ugly chick that literally left me traumatized.

This is the beginning of a new life. This is the beginning of who I truly am.

She was Finnish, cute, black hair, big blue eyes, full red lips, sweetness in every way. I do not remember the approach, I do not remember what I said and what I did not say. I was too drunk (got whisky-dick for a while), nonetheless, I ended up at her place... I had missed that loving sexual embrace. I left her place at 11.00 am and celebrated by eating some KFC chicken tenders as my headache faded away.

I went out solo, yesterday Saturday 6th of August. I went to an expat party on a boat that sails along the Seine. The day was gray and rainy, and there was not much people... not many targets either. In any case, the expat parties are meant for people to socialize; so approaching is not a big deal. I had a pretty good time and a lot to drink; I stayed there from 8.00 pm to about 1.00 am... from there I went to meet a friend at a bar close to Ménilmontant. We went to a small pub, I did some approaches, and it concluded in the pull.

It wouldn't have been possible if I didn't seriously committed to game, full intent. In the last two months I think I did more approaches that in the last two years taken together... and I was going out three times a week, every week. So the results of the training are showing up, I need to reach that unconscious competency, I think I'm getting there.

I hope it wasn't a fluke. It can't be a fluke... otherwise it wouldn't have happened at all, I want to believe.

I must achieve consistency.

I must also drink less during the night... whisky-dick sucks big time, and it's embarrasing.
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Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. This weekend I lost.

I experienced something that has been a real test to the strength of my reality and the strength of my core. Transformative.

I went out for drinks to a place called the Long Hop. It's a British pub in the heart of Paris, it's pretty good, laid-back, target rich, with a small dance-floor. I find easy to approach in this place.

I invited my friend and wing CA, my very good friend from Colombia and roommate (let's call him AD), and another male friend from France. Later in the night a couple of Polish girls came to meet us. They know I'm into pick up, but only CA knows about game and strategies, poorly though.

I'm the only one doing approaches, all of them went good and friendly interactions initiated, I number-closed a girl but it flaked later. We're dancing, talking, having fun... the bar is closing so we leave. Outside the bar I approached a couple of American girls; they are cute, 7s both, but not particularly hot. One of those (let's call her Julia) was giving me strong IOIs, I'm gaming her well... I'm pretty much leading the interactions all the time.

Keep in mind that my male friends are sticking to me all the time, we're good friends, so we stick together (crass error! I should have isolated the target early on, do this thing on my own).

We venue-changed, I dragged them all to a bar that's open until the morning, the Polish girls went home.

Then my friend AD started hitting on my target Julia. He hits on everything that moves, he's a bit of a natural, tall, good-looking guy, without regard for others: he might not have been aware of might intentions… or he might have been. Julia is open for adventures that night. She's probably looking for a guy and has not made up her mind just yet... so she flirts with AD and me at the same time. I'm unaware of these, since everything is covered under the blanket of friendship and fun times, we are all together... the interaction is getting animated: I’m having fun, not paying much attention of what’s going on. I left the group to approach another set... returned later.

We left the venue, Julia's friend and CA went home. So it is Julia, AD, my other friend and I. We go to some other bar and order a bottle of Nikka, Japanese whisky, and the place closed (around 4.00 am) before we finished the bottle. We can not take the bottle with us so they said that we could leave it in the bar and come back tomorrow to finish it. That guarantees a day-2 at least.

We left, we ended up taking a bath on the Seine: fucking hilarious. We're having a blast the four of us. Since we went on the river with our underwear, they got wet; when we put our clothes back on we decided (Julia and I) to put our jeans on without underwear.

To this point everything is alright, super fun, I think I'm getting a good connection with this chick, strong eye contact... the kino is constant and so everything seems fine. (I'm sure that AD is also thinking that he has a chance with her).

[Notice my way of thinking? I realize now is so chody, so AFC-like, such a wuss… did I think I had a chance with her? I should have just taken her!]

While we're walking, all of a sudden Julia grabs my dick (over the jeans), she just went for it... She took me by surprise so I might have reacted in a very chode-like manner because she immediately started to apologize. I'm so dumb, this was my chance to make her mine, grab her and made out with her. But my training is yet incomplete, so my chode behaviors still get the best of me at times like this when I should show my PUA power.

In any case, we go to a diner, have some food... at some moment, Julia said: "I'm so horny". (That explains why she grabbed my dick all of a sudden!). I should have taken her by the hand and lead her somewhere else to make out (it was logistically feasible). But no... I did nothing.

Not acting when I had to, would come back to hurt me the next day.

AD had also got her number.

We went home, and met up the next day, Saturday afternoon. We were meeting for dinner, some drinks and to come back for the Whisky bottle. Julia brings a girlfriend, and I'm with AD. So it's like a double date...

So I had two choices here... go for Julia or go for her friend. But since I had already had a good interaction with her, I decided to focus on her. In any case, during the entire night my friend AD is hitting on her really hard, it's not even funny. She's responding to him, so the more it happens the more self-conscious I become... My state plummeted down. I didn’t know what to do.

I'm starting to feel like the biggest chode in history, trying at the same time to look cool and unaffected. Inside I'm feeling like shit.

AD is a good friend of mine, I know him since we were children. We went to same school, we have always been close friends, always sharing the same circle of friends until I left to Sweden. It is by chance that we ended up in Paris at the same time.

The second girl left early so it is Julia, AD and I. Great!

I had already accepted defeat, so I just wanted to get hammered... but I've been drinking so much lately that it seems no quantity of alcohol can obliterate my mind and memory.

Julia went to the toilet, so AD said to me with a huge smirk on his face: "this chick is hitting on me really hard, I think she wants me... I don't know man, what's gonna happen, I'm just thinking of you". I swear if we were living in feudal Japan I would have slashed him in two.

In any case, she takes him home. I go back to my place alone.

The inner conflict begins, trying to fight the feelings of resentment, anger, and disappointment boiling in my heart; against the world and against myself.

At least, I should remain unaffected... after all she's not even that physically attractive.

I have been really nice all my life. I've been the kindest, most compassionate man. I've been caring and sensitive to people's emotions. I've avoided any sort of conflict... to the point that I've suppressed my anger for most of my life. Holding back, holding back, holding back everything. To the point that I would sacrifice my own interest for others. To the point that I almost never speak up my mind even when it's necessary. To the point of being underestimated and disrespected. I guess that explains why I was a virgin until I knew about the community about 7 years ago. I guess that explains why I was the exact opposite of what a natural should be.

But all that self of mine is just fake... is just bullshit.

The dark side of my soul is taking over... I feel myself changing, slowly but it's happening. It must happen NOW. RIGHT NOW.

I'm upset, I'm angry.

I want to go out and pick up. To redeem myself, to get a step closer to my goal.

That noble man that I've been dies today.

Die Tanai, die.

Be reborn fearless.


I shall have a new name.

I shall earn a new name.

For the moment I'll go nameless.

From now on I swear to the God of Pick Up that I'll not hold back.

I will succeed in this quest.

I will achieve mastery no matter what it takes.

The bullshit is over.
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I went out from Wednesday to Saturday. I partied, approached, gamed, drank, danced... I might have done, in total, around 30 approaches, possibly more. Every subsequent set was not easier than the previous one, my approach anxiety was still there: I pushed through though.

-Wednesday night: it was especial holidays in France. Celebrating the french revolution. There were parties everywhere, in particular, at the firfighter's stations turned into nightclubs. The place was packed, I'd say about a thousand people. I was with two good friends, CA and my childhood friend from Colombia. We met a group of girls I had met the weekend before: but once inside we lost them. I was in state and I was on a set pretty much all night long from 23.00 to 4.30 in the morning. At the end of the night I got three phone numbers and a facebook contact. I was scalating quite alright, at some moment of the night I almost made out with a chick, but I did not do it. None of the numbers replied when I texted the day after.

-Thursday night: a repetition of the night before. I was in sets all night, reached the point where I could have made out again, even pull. The physical contact was intimate, I was hard, she could feel it. All sensual, yet I did not make out. She was a 7.

-Friday: met my wing, her new girl he picked up online, and the girl's friends, two couples. So it was me pretty much against the world... approached a lot. Had good and friendly reactions, but didn't close once.

-Saturday: it started well but everything got messed up when we were rejected from four nightclubs straight. Two of the chicks we were with, in a big group of eight, were totally hammered. No closing, just friendliness and drunkness. When I came home at 6.30 in the morning the first thing I did was to throw up.

I've been recovering after four nights of party. I'm exhausted and with a lot of work to do.

I can't wait until I'm out again, tomorrow Wednesday.

My personal computer broke so I've been unable to write more in length. I'm doing so righ now from work.

I just got Jeffy's book "Get Laid or Die Trying". It has inspired me a lot... although I myself have like 1% of his sheer power, it has had already a clear influence in my behavior.

The long weekend was intense. I pushed myself to be in a set continuosly, even though I didn't manage to pull. I did have the chance, twice, and let them pass my by. I'm counting with, that all these practice will make me grow even more... but the road to mastery is long. I can do better, I must do better.
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How often do you feel that the path you have chosen isn’t the right one? That the many years that you have invested in a career path have not led to the satisfactions you were expecting?

When I was 16 I went to university to study Biology, and right after I went to Sweden to do a PhD in biochemistry. Right after I came to France to continue doing postdoctoral research. At that time it was fun… I had a scientific brain. I thought science was the right path for me. Now I’m 28. I feel I’ve changed and that science is not right for me anymore, that I must find a new path, that my brain is not fit for science anymore.

Leaving science and transitioning to something else seems to me quite a big risk. I have to help my mother and my father economically, both are alone, without pension, without a job. Transitioning could mean several months without income, getting a lower paid job for a time, lots of uncertainty and anxiety… the problem is that I don’t even know what I truly want, career wise.

I fear that change, that transition… I think that fear that lies within me, fear to take big risks, to take big chances, is the same fear that stalls my game and prevents me from reaching mastery level. It’s the fear that stops me from going for the kiss, or for a number, or that keeps me from escalating. It’s the same fear that stops me from going out alone, or to approach in broad daylight at the bus station.

I think the only solution is by pushing me to take risks. Taking risks means that sometime you will fail and sometimes you will succeed. I must be ready to experience the pain of failure, at a professional level and at a relationship level. I’ve been taking little risks here and there, starting by approaching more at the nightclub, to speak my mind even if it may lead to conflict… I’m planning to tattoo my arms, just to challenge myself, go trough the pain, and at the same time so that they could remind me of the man I want to be and the way I want to live my life. I'll upload pics when they are done.

My French residence permit expires in January. I have until then to figure out what I want to do, whether I stay in science or not, and get a new job. I should be also pulling ass more regularly by January, I want to become and expert at getting one-night stands.

In any case, last Friday I met a Colombian female friend for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant, she had invited two other Colombian and a Singaporean girl who I did not know. The latter brought with her 4 other young (20-22) girls. We went out for drinks after and venue-changed a couple of times. I was very social the whole time, approached a few sets, but at the end I did not escalate any interaction. Everything stayed on friendly terms. I got the number of the Singaporean girl, she loves to party just as much as I do and this weekend (that starts today Wednesday: tomorrow Thursday is national holiday, and on Friday my work is closed too) I’ll be meeting her again and her friends.

On Saturday I stayed at home, I had to go to the airport to pick up my Finnish friend that was visiting from Sunday to yesterday. I was LJBFed by her, by the time we went for the day-2, about 4 years ago. We became great friends.

I’ll be out pretty much from today until Saturday. I’ll post next week the results of my game.

I must change, I must be better, I must be brave, I must not give a fuck.
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Last time I posted I mentioned that I was going to the French Riviera for some holidays and that I considered it a big challenge, since there is an incredible high concentration of hot and wealthy women going there to party. It was my intention to party and game with all of my power but at the end things turned out quite relaxed and slow. However there were two remarkable happenings that I will narrate below.

I arrived there on Thursday evening and returned back to Paris on Monday.

The very evening of Thursday my wing, CA, and I were sitting down at a café, there was a DJ playing awesome music. We were drinking and talking bullshit... the day had passed with only one approach on the train to the South. All of a sudden two beautiful brunettes arrived to the café. They were petite, all dressed up, enormous boobs.

We saw them, they saw us. I felt immediate connection with one of them. She was checking me out from the distance and mirroring me; so that if I danced there on the chair a bit (the music was great), so did she at the same time. It was about 1.00 am, we were tired after the long trip, and the café was closing. We decided to go back to the hotel and on the way out, CA approached the set... I had already passed by and I was not going to approach. The two girls opened, they were very friendly, two rich sisters from Moscow. The one for me was the older sister, probably a bit older than me. We talked about 5 minutes, nothing particularly exciting; exchange of nationalities and a bit of what we were planning to do during the next days, then we left.

Next day in the evening (Friday), CA and I were walking down the street of St. Tropez... when two girls grabbed us from our arms: "hey guys! Do you remember us, from yesterday at the bar!" The two Russian girls, we said we were looking for a restaurant to eat some mussels; coincidentally they had the same plan. So we decided to go together.

There was a clear connection between the older sister and I. We had fun talking and vibing a bit. She was wealthy, divorced, owned a chain of restaurants around the world... after dinner we went to a bar close-by, we drank a bottle of wine. Things were escalating... music was loud, we came closer, she was talking to my ear, our faces were one inch a part. The eye contact was strong... beautiful. But then we had to leave the bar to catch the last boat to the place we were staying.

Back in town, we went to another bar and shared another bottle of wine, talked so more, but the environment was not propitious for me to escalate. We were the four of us on a table, so it was a group interaction. We exchanged contact info... never saw them again. She was back to Moscow on Sunday.

I should have manipulated the situation so that we missed the last boat, so the only option was to stay in St. Tropez partying all night long... if we had stayed in that bar 30 minutes more before taking the boat, I think I could have gone for the make out. After that who knows what things could have happened. The funny thing is that it was me who said: "OK guys, if we want to take the last boat we should leave right now!"

On Saturday we went to a nightclub in the town we were staying. It was the only nightclub in this little city. There were about 75% guys and 25% girls. And all the guys were hungry... the hunt was intense.

BANG! I see the hottest girl in the club, let's call her HB10. Blond, tight leather (or whatever material that was, black and shiny) pants, blue eyes, short hair to the neck... gorgeous lips. I noticed that she seemed to be alone in the club, hopping from one place to another, to the bar, outside to the beach, back inside, sat down, chode approached, left to toilet, bar, inside, toilet and so on and on.

At the same time there were two extremely beautiful blondes, one looking like Helen of Troy in the movie; curly blonde. The other one a really tall hottie (taller than me). I noticed that the taller one had a brand of jeans that I have only seen in Sweden, so I assumed that she was Swedish.

CA and I were talking; I wasn’t daring to approach, totally in my head. CA was saying that he saw no girl that he felt like approaching. I want HB10, it was driving me crazy, I was feeling the fury in my heart building up. But I was unable to approach.

At the beach bar there were a couple of French girls I approached and got blown out. I said to CA, let's just go to the middle of the crowd and get close to these chicks, let's totally ignore them. We were talking really loud, giving our backs to the chicks, when suddenly one of them was already rubbing her back against me... I butt-bumped her but didn't look to see her reaction, just kept talking. A French dude came up to us for whatever reason, he didn't speak English, he just said: "Drink! Drink!" I blasted him away with my vocal projection. The fury was was growing even stronger, I wasn’t yet approaching and it was making me mad. We went to the dance floor... I was dancing with Colombian power when all of a sudden Helen and the Tall Hottie showed up in the dance floor. They are dancing right next to CA and me. I said to him let's ignore them completely, and so we did. Across the dance floor, through Helen and Tall Hottie I saw HB10, sitting in a sofa, alone, sipping a drink. I didn't approach, damnit!

A chode approached HB10 in the sofa, but she blew him out. He was sitting awkwardly at her side not muttering a word. She went outside.

In the dance floor, wherever CA and I moved, the Scandinavian couple followed us really close. I didn't approach.

We went outside, and I saw HB10 at the beach bar. She was leaning against a wall, behind one of these tall bar tables. She was talking with a 5-set, one girl and four dudes.

Finally I approached. See the image below, that’s how the set was arranged... I opened the entire group, got nationalities, found out that the entire 5-set was French, only the girl and one dude spoke fluent English. I talked to all of them... while CA was talking with the dude that spoke good English. The HB10 was Russian, also from Moscow.

Then I started focusing on the HB10. I was talking to her with the table in the middle of the two. Then the 5-set, backed up and I had the chance to talk to the Russian. Things were going good at the beginning... I should have repositioned myself but instead I stayed at the other side of the table. Things then started to turn awkward for some reason I don't understand. HB10 grabs the French girl and brings her in, then the dudes moved in into the interaction too. I had to start talking to the entire group again, the conversation with HB10 got broken... and at the end I ejected.

It was tough dealing with the entire group. The chance opened for me when they moved away, I should have gotten closer to her and quickly isolate her. After all, the French set was not really HB10's friend.

I turned around when leaving the set and lo and behold, right in front of me, Helen and Tall Hottie. I went right to them... I opened by speaking in Swedish but they weren't Swedish, they were Danish. In any case, a conversation started, chodes were bombarding, CA is helping me out... I talked to Tall Hottie and CA talked to Helen. But Helen is not really interested, she's looking for somebody and she keeps looking away. She left the group a few times and came back a few times too. The conversation with the Tall Hottie was going well, she's smart, beautiful and elegant. Both of them were a little drunk. I'm quite alright, though I had been drinking too.

Suddenly some random dude showed up, and he kissed Tall Hottie on one of her tits. Her jaw dropped, she was paralyzed and didn't know what to do. I took her hand and with it slapped the guy on his face (not too hard, more like symbolically than an actual hit). He's with some friends and they are all drunk and laughing stupidly. I'm fed up and I'm leaving that chaos, the Tall Hottie followed CA and me, and we restarted the conversation somewhere else, she seemed now even more interested. The conversation was great... I sensed that she wanted to exchange info when I said that we were going home (it was 4.30 in the morning and there was no prospect of sex that night). I just said it's not necessary since probably we're not gonna see each other again.

I should have pushed the interaction with the Russian girls and the Danish girls harder. I should have found ways to isolate and escalate, but I just stayed in conversational mode. Where is my resolve in that kind of situations? I must also break that wall, moved towards the goal. Nonetheless, approaching the 5-set + HB10 was really instructive. Dealing with the social dynamics of the club was intense, especially because it seemed that many of the people in the nightclub already knew each other, since it was the only club in town, besides it was also a really young crowd (18-20 on average). I regret not doing more approaches and not trying harder during the entire trip... the temperature was really high, it was the beach, we were getting really relaxed and slow. We entered some kind of holiday laziness lethargy.

In any case, I came back relaxed and recharged. I'll be posting whatever happens over the week/weekend. This Saturday there'll be a repetition of the boat party sailing the Seine from last time... I'll probably go again and do my best! The goal: get laid, one-night stand.
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Saturday the 25th.

I woke up in a great mood. I had redeemed myself after the last weekend failure and that night there was one of these parties for expats.

The venue is a boat made nightclub that sails across the Seine. There's an awesome view of the Eiffel tower. I'm feeling so good, like I am the King of Babylon. The weather is nice; there are a lot of people, target rich.

I have understood now that in order to have a really good night, I must open from the very moment I arrive to the place, even in the line if there's one. Also, I must keep approaching, and approaching, from set to set. I seldom have done that before, I can remember a couple of times. There is certainly a rhythm about it... perhaps the rhythm that Tim talked about in the Flawless Natural seminar.

The good thing about the expat parties is that, implicitly, is OK to approach and get to know new people. So approaching is actually a piece of cake. I'm on fire again, so excited, talking to a lot of people and having a blast.

I'm having good conversations, but I'm not stepping up the interaction, I'm not leading towards the goal.

I talked to a lot of people. The most successful interaction was like this:

I came to the bar to buy a beer and there was a cute tall brunette on my side. I opened; she was Polish but had a strong English accent. She was quite friendly and smart. We talked for quite some time, she was interested in Colombia and traveling around South America, and was telling me about two blogs of Polish girls that had gone to Colombia and loved it. She said that she loves reading blogs, I said she should read my blog (not this one, another one I have). She was enthusiastic and asked me for the address. She gave me her iphone to input the info and said:

"Please, write the blog address and also your phone number". [I was surprised she asked for my number of her own accord]. I thought, "are you actually planning to call me? For what I know about women, I doubt it." In any case, I did so, completely unreactive. I did not ask for her number, I did not even showed any interest of keeping contact. I wonder if she'll initiate contact herself.

The event started at 19.30, there was a ride across the Seine and after that, the boat would return to the dock and the party would continue until 5.00. By midnight, after about five hours, I was worn out of talking and being standing, and I was not seeing much promise of nightly sexual adventures. An hour later, my wing CA left, one hour later, the remaining people I know is gone. I was tired, most of the expats that were there from the beginning were gone too. It was a fresh crowd and me, trying not to give up just yet... It was 3.30 in the morning and I had been in that damn boat for eight hours. My energy is depleted and finally I decided to go home.

Obviously, just approaching and having an interesting fun conversation is not enough. If my aim is to extract a girl for some nightly sexual adventures, I must lead the interaction there. I have to push through the comfort of a nice conversation and make things sexual. I must eventually isolate the girl from her group. All the pieces must come together: opening, attraction, connection and kino, isolation, extraction, arousal, sex. It seems daunting when approaching it's still kind of intimidating, yet I have done this before, I've been to a bar or nightclub and made it happen, the nightly sexual adventure, not many times but I have done it. So I do have what it takes, I must do it, I must do it. It has to happen.

Next Thursday the 30th I'm going with my friend CA down south to St. Tropez, the French Riviera, famous for attracting the wealthiest and the celebrities of the world. A HOT nightlife inundated with hot rich women that just want to have fun. I see it as THE challenge, there’s the inconvenience of getting into clubs and chic places since here in France they are always very selective letting people in, you always have to have girls with you… and I have no VIP status anywhere yet. So it is imperative that we run some good interactions whenever we get the chance, otherwise we will just be two lonely chodes strolling in the beach: that'd be sad.

What's going to happen? My level is not that good that I could pick up—with absolute certainty—some hot chicks and have an amazing romantic erotic holiday. Making new friendships seems probable... but guess what, I don't want just new friendships, I want an amazing romantic erotic holiday. Will I made it? Will I? I must believe I can, I must be certain that I can.
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The weekend finally arrived. It was time to prove myself that I have some courage in me, that I have the strength in my heart to overcome my fears, go out, cold approach and try to take the interaction to a sexual level.

It was Friday the 24th. It was midnight already, I had done no approaches, and I was waiting for the last commuter train to the suburbs (RER) to go home.

"What is this? Am I going to go home already when the Paris nightlife is just starting? Is this what I am made for? Am I just going to the comfort of my home without pushing the boundaries?"

Those were my thoughts while I was waiting for the train that was about 20 minutes late.

"Is this the result of my training? Of all these years? All this knowledge? Is this the full extent of my power? Will I continue being such a coward?"--My thoughts and emotions.

I had planned to meet a couple of male friends for beers, I only met one of them. My childhood and very good friend from Colombia. He's broke, so I had to treat him for a couple of beers. We talked about science and about women. I've told him about "game" before, but he doesn't really have any interest in it at all... We split, he went home, I went to the RER station.

A few days ago I was reading The Code of the Samurai or the Bushido Shoshinshu of Taira Shiesuke; a book that was written about 400 years ago. When I read the first chapter I found this piece of life altering wisdom:

One who is supposed to be a warrior considers it his foremost concern to keep death in mind at all times, every day and every night, from the morning of New Year's Day through the night of New Year's Eve.

As long as you keep death in mind at all times, you will also fulfill the ways of loyalty and familial duty. You will also avoid myriad evils and calamities, you will be physically sound and healthy, and you will live a long life. What is more, your character will improve and your virtue will grow.

In other words, by keeping death in your mind at all times you will truly be able to live every day as if it was your last.

So I was waiting for the train hasitating about whether I should go home or try some solo game... I've never gone out alone. Then, the thought of death came into my mind.

"What if I die tomorrow? How do I want to live this last night? Whatever I do today, what would it matter if I die tomorrow?". The fire within me was ignited, the fury.

"Let's do this! I have to do this!" Then I left the station and set on my way to a bar. On my way, I'm getting all psyched up... just the decition of doing it, even if alone, got me in state. All of a sudden I'm happy and excited.

However, I know that my friend and wing from Canada, CA, was out that night. I texted him to see what he was up to and he just happened to be close by and also alone. We met up, went to a bar... and I'm on fire. The chode of last Saturday was no where to be seen. I approached, I approached, I approached. I was in state, having fun, dancing, loud... and I was opening.

I did not close. Not a phone number, not a make out, not a one nigth stand. But at least I proved to myself that I can do this, that this is what I want, that I was right at choosing this path.

So there was a three set, a red-headed German girl, a Scottish guy and some other random dude. Both guys looked tough, they were big (I’m not too tall, 1.70 m or 5 feet and 6.929 inches), and they didn't really look very friendly. They were kind of bored, low energy, just standing there drinking beer, barely making any conversation at all. In any case, as I pass I opened by talking to the girl, I don't remember exactly what I said. The Scottish dude gets very alert (I got the feeling that there might be some sort of relationship between him and her)... but I already opened, so it's too late now to eject. He's going to act but before he does, I addressed him too: "hey man, what's up, where are you from? Cheers!" (big friendly smile on my side).

Scottish dude: I'm from Scotland... [Heavy accent, he returned the question]
Me: I'm from Colombia.
Scottish dude and girl: Colombia!!!! [People always reacts very positive when they know I'm Colombian, I still don't get it]
Girl: do you have some Cocaine? [Jokingly, I always get that one too]
Me: [Expression of "oh, not again the same joke"] How much do you want? [With an evil smirk. That's always my come back, it always get the people laughing].

The entire set laughed out loud, the initial tension disappeared. I introduced my wing, and then a fun an animated conversation started. Surely enough, the dude was married to the German chick. The third dude had disappeared, he was a chode the couple had just met that night. After a little while CA and I left the set.

My friend and I had just come out of the dance floor and we were standing up and talking a bit. Just right behind him on one of this tall bar tables, there were two chicks drinking beer. Both American, we could hear them speak. All of a sudden they got up, and the girl closest to my friend turned to him and approached him. She wanted to ask us to keep the table for them while they went out to smoke. But she was a little drunk and quite possibly horny too, because she leaned in and spoke right to his face, their bodies like three inches apart. She is a drop dead gorgeous blonde, hot like hell. And it is on, my friend lit up, he busted out some "cocky and funny" and she herself initiated kino... we kept their tables... my friend and I sat down, leaned back, got comfortable, and waited for them to come back. They came back, the hot blond sat down close to CA, and I was talking to her friend. Unfortunately she was not that hot, just OK. I talked to her and kept her attention away from CA and the hot one. The OK girl and I had an animated conversation about women's rights. For some unexpected reason I got the feeling that this chick was trying hard not to feel attracted to me. Is that weird?

In any case, the girls are meeting another friend, so they left. CA got the hot one's facebook info, she was leaving back to somewhere in a couple of days. This girl was a gem. She was extremely hot, and she was a scientist too, doing high energy physics; my friend does astronomy. That's a rarity, an unbelievable event, perhaps an error in the matrix. There are rarely such kinds of beauties in science. Believe me...

My friend was in shock. He was saying: "what could have I done different? I don't know what I could have done different!" Sweet nightmares he must have had that night.
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Friday 24th of June

After last Saturday I was feeling really sad and disappointed at myself. Everything perfect and I couldn't do a single approach. The fallout left me reflecting a lot... it is not the first time I've experienced this; quite many times actually, I fear that it will be a cycle I won't be able to break. I've been trying to figure out a way out of this, to gather courage, to become braver, to climb the mountain of cold approaching. I came up with a little fix... may be just a band-aid to the problem but I hope it encourages me to approach more and be more consistent.

Last year, a female friend from Italy and her girl friend were visiting me in Paris. Her friend, she should be around 26-27 years old, pulled out of her wallet a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and in it there was a list of all the men she had made out before with... with an asterisk it was marked the guys she had sex with. The list was huge! Perhaps around 40 or 50 guys and about half of those she had fucked.

So I decided to do a similar list to remind me that I have approached before, that I have ran some good interactions before, that I have met women successfully in my life, that I can do this, that I must not fear.

My list contains 19 women that I have made out with, with 8 of them I've had a sexual interaction of some sort... ranges from genital-to-genital contact with no penetration to the full monty. This over a period of 7 years. It gives an average of 2.7 women per year. I think it is a pretty low number, say something like one fuck and two kisses... a year?

In any case, the list will serve me two purposes. First, to remind me that I can do this, that I have done this. Second, to encourage me to increase that average.

Tonight I'll come back to the same venue of last time; I'll be with a couple of my male friends. I also made a list of openers, routines, and things to say or do (of my very own)... some of those I have done before, some of those I want to try... hoping to have them fresh in my mind. What will happen tonight? What will happen tomorrow? Only one thing should happen! I do what a man must do, answer the evolutionary call.

I'll be posting the results of the weekend next Monday the 27th.
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On Saturday night I did 0 approaches: zero, nothing, nada. We went to the perfect venue, a great bar called Point Ephémère: beautiful women, a large quiet space for talking with an exhibition of comic art perfect for situational openers, a dance floor with good music, great vibe, friendly people. Yet I did not approached a single time, I was aware of all these advantageous factors but I couldn't approach. I ran some relatively good interactions on Friday (compared to no interactions at all) and in spite of that I couldn't approach. I have approached before, I have met women by cold approaching successfully, I have never had a rude or violent response, yet I did not approach. It is as if every single time I want to approach it was the first time.

Approach Anxiety. How does it feel? It is not that I feel nervous; perhaps it is the fear of feeling nervous even before you feel anything at all, something psychological, it is deep in your mind, you can not really feel anything, it just prevents you from taking action. It is as if you ask me to solve a complex mathematical equation about the physics of general relativity, when I'm just a high school student. It is as if there was some kind of emptiness between her and you that can't be crossed. There is no amount of reasoning or convincing that can put me into motion and start an approach, there is no amount of reading or game planning that can put me into action. This is something like a virus that prevents some behavioral programs to start running.

I first learnt about game in 2005, so it is 6 years since I've been trying to deal with this. Some days I'm happy, "I'm in state" and I can do some approaches, but the majority of the times I do not approach a single time, even if I get proximity, even if I get eye contact, even if I know for sure that she wants to talk to me. Some other days I'm happy, I'm in state, and I do not approach either.

I feel like I need to shock myself out of this situation. Like I need to detonate a nuclear bomb in my brain and tear my body apart. It makes me feel like committing sepukku. It makes me feel like leaving society, living all material possessions and go to a Shaolin monastery to learn kung fu in a remote mountain of China. It makes me feel like abandoning civilization and becoming a sailor in the Ghost of Wolf Larsen ... I need to strengthen my resolve, my soul is made of cotton and I must turn it into steel.
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