Well I finished the Flawless Natural series...I really enjoyed it and took a lot out of it...the way Tim described the purpose of your internal and external goals when you're out meeting women really resonated with me...
Unfortunately the day after I finished the program and was ready to go out and lord some bars we had our first big snow storm of the year, followed up by the coldest day of the year....sigh...the bars I went to were both dead and only had women who were hanging onto their boyfriends' arms for dear life...
So I don't have any success stories yet, but its just a matter of time...
Well if there is one thing I definitely need to work on it is getting the Three Second Rule tatooed in my head. I know the name Mystery is probably a dirty word around here but I do think that theory is a sound one for those who have problems with approach anxiety such as myself.
Well last night was a perfect example of how one should abide by that rule before it is too late in a quick amount of time. I was at an irish pub in downtown Chicago last night for a friend's birthday dinner. When we got there it was dead and the women that were there were old and fat. So I quickly accepted that it wouldn't be a pick up kind of night and shifted my focus towards having good conversations with my friends and entertaining the group.
About an hour and a half after we arrived all of a sudden the bar is crowded and the ratio of girls to guys is like 3 or 4 to 1. I wasn't feeling approach anxiety, however I wasn't done eating my dinner and promised my friends I would join them for a smoke outside considering I only smoke socially, once in a while. So since it was biting cold they wanted me to join them outside. So I finished eating, joined them for a smoke, then went to the bathroom.
While I was washing my hands I decided I was gonna go straight from the bathroom into opening a set and not worry about my friends for the rest of the night but would rather focus on getting to a number or kiss close.
Unfortunately when I got out of the bathroom literally ALL of the attractive women were gone. The bar had three levels we were on the top level and I literally went through each floor looking for a set to open and they were all gone, it was back to old, fat lady central.
So I'll take that as a lesson to abide by the three second rule when I see hot women take over a bar. Don't wait, don't finish eating, don't smoke, don't piss, just open... and close, close, close...
Last night I was supposed to have dinner and catch up on Family Guy and It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia with my buddy Nick, then head out to the bar down the street for club night where there is always a nice mix and nice ratio of girls to guys.
Well the two people I was supposed to go with crapped out on me and I am usually very uncomfortable going myself...something I am working on since no one should be dependent on a wingman for them to go out and try to meet women.
Well at first I decided to be a and just go play poker with some of my friends where there would be no women and no potential to have a unique social experience. But when I got there, they had invited this person I can't fucking stand being around. A dude who makes my skin crawl just by being in his presence. So I made conversation for like ten minutes and then took off, heading straight for the bar I was going to go to in the first place.
I figured since my "home base" was going to be filled with someone that makes me feel uncomfortable, I might as well feel uncomfortable in a bar where I have the potential to meet women and at the very least have a unique social experience.
I got to the bar and didn't have to pay cover or show id since I'm considered a regular now since I started a regular routine of going out towards the end of this past summer. I take a look around and although the bar is crowded, the overall quality of good looking chicks was definitely not what it has been in recent weeks.
But I didn't use that as an excuse to turn around and run home. Since I have good rapport with the bouncers and bartenders I decided to take a seat at the bar, make some conversation with the people I knew, and do some writing. Writing is one of my passions in life, writing poetry is one of the things that kept my head above water while I was depressed in high school and is something I have done consistently even after I came out of my depression.
So I had a whiskey sour, pulled out my small notepad, and started writing. I figured since I was suffering from approach anxiety, had no wingman, and there were barely any interesting girls I was even interested in I would try to do something that would make me stand out from the rest of the guys, live in my own reality by doing something I wanted to do, and do something I haven't done in all of my years of writing...write some prosocial poetry as opposed to antisocial poetry.
I ended up having the two hottest girls working in the bar being pulled into my tractor beam and repeatedly checking on me with one of them even looking at something I wrote and writing one of her own. I had a group of girls and guys buy me a shot, got a drink given to me for free by a male bartender, but my personal highlight was getting BLOWN OUT!
Hahaha, I can't not laugh when I think about it. There was this HB8.5 with a giant rack, black hair, and a few visible tatoos. She was with an ugly female friend and a male friend who may or may not have been her boyfriend. Watching how they interacted with each other inspired me to write something about them. When I approached and tried giving it to them they yelled at me "WE DON'T WANT IT!! WE DON'T WANT IT!!"
Oh my god it was so hilarious. At first it felt like I got punched in the stomach by Brock Lesnar, but I just put my head down and kept writing. Then after a minute or two I put my head up, took a deep breath, and realized that it DIDN'T FUCKING MATTER if those bitches blew me out! Who cares?! They were the only ones around me who weren't fascinated with me and what I was doing. And the next time I get blown out it won't feel that bad and eventually I won't feel anything at all...which is great and is gonna help me so much in the long run.
And it all started by doing what...GOING OUT...HAVING FUN...and maybe not being my best self, but definitely being a better self than what I intended on being earlier in the night.
And the next time I go out by myself will be even better.
My main sticking points so far have been approach anxiety and forgetting canned material.
Now before I get a bunch of "do the newbie mission" and "just go natural" posts let me clarify myself a little more. Obviously by my list I am new and still learning so I do have a ways to go. But I'm not scared of talking to women, and the nights I don't approach compared to when I do are fewer and farther between than they used to be but it still pops up.
I tend to allow the atmosphere of a loud club or bar to get inside my head and bring all of my antisocial traits right up the to the surface until the place closes. However on nights when that isn't a factor, I can borderline own the section of the bar I am at, last night was an example of that for me.
I was a massive antisocial in high school. I was a physical late bloomer physically, emotionally, etc...and allowed my parents divorce and subsequent fallout to turn me inside out and just into one negative, antisocial, self loathing mess.
Now, I am nowhere near that person anymore. I go out at least twice a week unless I am low on cash, and lately I've just put the drinks on plastic to get out and at least put myself in a place to be successful with women.
However, I still have some of my antisocial tendencies that on some nights cripple my ability to open sets or singles whether I'm attracted or not. Sometimes I'll approach 4s and 5s just to get the social ball rolling...but some nights I can't do that. The approach anxiety would be sticking point number one.
Forgetting canned material is the other one and although I do ultimately know that I can be a natural, in the Chicago suburbs (where I am from/live) canned material still works and still has a place in the bar and club scene out here. For me, the canned material is a crutch I need to use because for years, up until september, so often I just wouldn't know what to say and when I would just start talking to talk I would end up saying stuff that would turn women off wayyyy more often than turn them on.
Now that I have canned material to say when I'm blank or trying to build rapport after opening and DHVing it has helped me tremendously in my goal of becoming a natural.
But what has been happening lately is the loud as music and somewhat intimidating atmosphere of the club and bar scene with the 8s, 9s, and 10s are will get the best of me and cause my mind to go blank like I'm taking a final exam after an all night cram session.
In addition to blanking on the canned material it also causes my antisocial tendencies to bubble to the surface.
Any words of wisdom on either or both of these sticking points would be greatly appreciated...
Backlogged field reports will be coming in the near future....
I joined up on RSD nation a month or two ago and like two days later my hard drive fried so I haven't been able to post field reports or get feedback. I logged some of my field reports the old fashion way with pen and paper so I'll post some of them one by one or in groups in the near future but first I wanted to both intro myself and give my afc and pua in training history.
My friend Phil got me into this scene after I had a mild emotional breakdown after getting blown out by literally every girl I approached one night. At the end of the night he gave me pep talk and told me he had some stuff to help me. At first I thought...vicatin..j/k...no no he did give me an outline of the pua community and history and then gave me a bunch of his materials that he was finished with since he was and is having good success for the time he has been exposed to all of this great material, information, and support system that is this community.
So since mid september I have read, watched, and/or listened to the following in somewhat chronological order: (2 )meaning twice
1) The Game (2)
2) The Blueprint Decoded (2)
3) The Style Diaries
4) Double Your Dating (2)
5) RSD Foundations
6) The Annialation Method (2)
7) The Sphinx of Imagination
8) Kick Ass Confidence
9) The Art and Science of Cold Reading (just started)
10) Without Embarassment (just started)
Not a special amount or an unexpected list by any measure but just wanted to give an idea of potential feedback givers what is in my mind so far as far as required materials go....