Adelex's Blog

 
Met a girl. My 10. Nerdy, 5'9" blonde; 115 lbs tops. Looks like Karen ala Californication. Did great at first; perfect even. Textbook pickup.

My inner chode eventually shines through. Everything starts to suck.

She came over to my residence tonight; didn't tell me. Friend told me where she was; went to check it out. She's sitting with some good-looking guy; he's got his arm around her. We make eye contact. Girl in the room realizes what's up; pushes me out and closes the door.

I stand there. Time to get drunk. I get drunk maybe twice a year.

FUCK THIS SHIT

NO MORE FUCKING CHODING AROUND

This is my leverage. I'm happy and depressed simultaneously.

Thank you Tyler, Papa, Mystery, Neil, Jeffy, Alexander, Ryan, Tim, Manwhore, and the countless others who have inspired me.

I'm over this "living vicariously" bullshit. It's time to get laid or die trying.
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#1
Rick Strongbow

Rick Strongbow

Member

Join Date: 02/21/2011 | Posts: 63

 Feel the pain bro. then when you've got it out of your system you'll be stronger for it! ;)
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#2

Adelex

Member

Join Date: 11/23/2010 | Posts: 86

Thanks Jesse.

As much as this fucking hurts, I needed this. I've been lying to myself for years now, thinking I could just focus on one girl, make her my girlfriend, and go back to being a chode. Last night really shook me to my core, and cauterized off these childish fucking behaviours I've had my whole life.

I haven't felt this emotional in years.

I'm pissed off at my pathetic chode alcoholic stepfather for not teaching me how to be a man. I'm pissed at my 350 lb mother for not giving enough of a shit to be a good role model for me.

I hate that this girl has strung me along for attention and treated me like an object.

I hate that life isn't like Disney movies. I hate understanding evolution and human nature as much as I do. Sometimes I see things while I'm out and remember what I've read in books like Sperm Wars, and it brings me to a really fucking dark place.

I hate living in this tiny fucking shithole of a city.

I hate that I don't always enjoy going out like naturals do.

I hate that I wasted my ENTIRE TEENAGE YEARS playing fucking video games and accomplishing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I hate that I'll never have memories of partying and figuring out girls in high school. I hate that my response to being bullied through school was to be a fucking bitch.

I hate that my entire life has been an exercise in avoiding all situations that would force me outside my comfort zone.

And I'm happy. I'm happy because I know that I'm going to figure this shit out, and one day I'll look back and laugh.
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